Rhett in Love (Rhett #2)(23)
Author: J.S. Cooper

“Jim.” I said, hoping I wasn’t sharing private information. “Caroline was talking about him earlier.”

“Oh.” He nodded and sighed. “I see.”

“What?” I leaned forward. “Is he some sort of asshole?”

“No.” He paused and then looked me in the eyes. “Jim is dead, Rhett. He died in a drunk driving accident, Caroline was the one driving.”

“Oh.” The blood drained from my face. “I didn’t know.”

“He’s been dead for four years.” He nodded. “They were teenagers. She has a hard time coping.”

“She doesn’t still drink does she?”

“No.” He shook his head. “She never had another drop after Jim died.”

“I didn’t know.” I said again, feeling my heart sinking. “I wish she’d said something, I…” My voice trailed off.

“It’s better that you didn’t know.” He reached out and rubbed my shoulder. “She was able to be herself for the afternoon. She was able to forget. She was able to be a normal girl for a few hours.”

“She’s not normally like that?”

“She rarely speaks. It’s still hard for her.” He sighed. “We all become addicts for different reasons and we all cope with our addictions and actions differently. We all try the best we can. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s not enough.”

“At least you all have each other.”

“Yeah, many times, those that aren’t addicts don’t understand.” He smiled at me. “That’s why it’s so great that you’re trying to figure out what your mom’s going through.”

“Yeah.” I looked at the clock. “I should go.” I stepped back. “Sorry, I have to go.” I hurried to the door and ran down the hallway, needing to exit the building as soon as I could. I paused as I reached the door and I stood there for a second feeling sad as I thought about Caroline. I couldn’t even imagine the pain she must live with every day. I’d die if anything ever happened to Clementine. And if I’d been the person to cause something bad happening to her? Well, I didn’t know if I could live with myself. I felt sad as I thought about Caroline, but then realized just how strong she was. She was living with demons, but she’d stopped drinking. That had to be hard. I could only imagine how hard it was. And then I thought about my mom. She didn’t have anyone. And I had been ready to give up on her. I understood now that giving up on her was giving up on us. I knew that I needed to see her again. I needed to get my answers from her. I had to go back home, but before I could do that, I needed to speak to Clementine. I needed her to know what was going on. I needed her to know that although I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life, I was also the saddest. I needed her to know, that even though there was an us, there no longer felt like there was a me. I was lost and while I knew my way to her heart, I didn’t know my own way back home again. I knew who I was when I was with her, but when I was by myself, I had no idea who I really was. I needed to go back home. I needed to make things right with my mom. And I needed to find myself. As I realized what I needed to do, I felt my heart breaking. I had no idea how Clementine was going to take everything.

***

“Clementine, I wrote a poem for you. Yes, I, Rhett Madison love you Clementine O’Hara more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. And I wrote a poem for you.” My voice caught as I stared into her sad eyes.

“I don’t believe it.” She smiled weakly. I could tell she was still upset that I’d come home so late. But she seemed to understand that after the call from the doctor about my mom that I’d needed to get out and get some fresh air.

“Believe it.” I smiled at her beautiful face. “Clementine,” I took a deep breath. “I have to go back to South Carolina.”

“For how long?” She looked like she was fighting tears and I could feel a sharp pain in my chest. It almost felt like we were breaking up.

“I don’t know.” I took her hands into mine. “I need to work this stuff out with my mom, once and for all. I need to try and find a way to battle the pain I feel.”

“She loves you, you know that right?”

“Honestly, no, no I don’t know.” I said sadly. “All my life, I’ve pushed my pain and rejection to the side. I’ve pretended it didn’t matter, but it does matter. It matters a lot and it hurts. I feel like a part of me doesn’t even exist. I feel like a part of me has always been lost. And the only reason all of me isn’t lost is because of you. You’re my map home. You’re my compass. You’re my everything. Without you, there would be absolutely nothing in my life worth living for. And that’s powerful, Clementine. That’s not healthy. I live to be with you. I live for you. I’m empty without you. And I can’t be empty without you. I can’t be empty because you need a man that is full. You need a man that can give you all those things you’ve always dreamed about. I was a boy, Clementine. But now, now I need to be a man.”

“I don’t want you to go.” She bit her lower lip and I could see the tears in her eyes. “I don’t want her to hurt you. She loves you, but I don’t know if she’ll ever be the person you need her to be, Rhett.”

“That’s okay. That’s why I’m going. I need it to be okay. I need to be able to accept that.” I sighed. “I need to do this for myself. I need to do this to try and get some closure. I need to make myself whole. I need to be the man you need me to be.”

“I only want you Rhett. I’ll take you however you are.” She said quietly and I could see the tears flowing from her eyes. “I don’t want to be without you.”

“I have something to ask you, Clementine.”

“What?” Her eyes searched mine and I took a deep breath.

“You’ve always been my best friend. You’re the love of my life. I know things are different between us now and I know I’m not the most romantic of men. I want to make a promise to you, Clemmie. I want you to know that I’m yours forever, as long as you’ll have me. I love you more than anything. I wrote this poem for you and I want to read it to you, but first I had a question.”

“Yes.” She said quietly.

“Clementine, I know it’s too soon to ask you to marry me, but I want to make a promise to you. I want to promise you that I’ll always be by your side. I want to be your husband Clemmie and I’d like you to promise me that one day you’ll consider being my wife.”