Rome (Marked Men #3)(24)
Author: Jay Crownover

Asa was at the little table drinking a cup of coffee and seemingly ignoring his sister, who was grilling him about something. Both sets of amber eyes got wide when I walked into the room. Asa lifted an eyebrow and Ayden blinked like she had no idea who I was. I felt an embarrassed flush start to crawl up my neck and cleared my throat. I wished to God I could remember what, if anything, I had done last night.

“Uh, hey.”

I gratefully accepted the mug of coffee Asa handed to me and propped a hip up on the counter while they continued to stare at me.

“Is that your truck outside?” I liked Ayden’s voice. It was tinted with just a hint of the South and all soft and smooth. I liked those long legs of hers in her running pants, too, but Jet was like a brother to me, so there was no way I would ever admit that aloud.

“Yeah. I needed a DD and Cora decided to be it.”

“You spent the night?”

I didn’t like the third degree, I was used to being on the other side of it.

“Yeah, well, I blacked out in her bed, so there really wasn’t a choice.”

I could see Asa doing the math in his head that Cora hadn’t been on the couch or anywhere else this morning.

“Interesting.” Asa just chuckled and didn’t say anything, for which I was eternally grateful. There was just something about the way he looked at you, something about the way he sized you up, that was unnerving and unsettling.

“What’s interesting?” Cora came in the room smelling clean and fresh. I tried not to notice I had left whisker burn all along her jaw and throat.

Ayden made a face and handed her a banana. “That you had to take care of the supposedly responsible Archer last night.”

Cora frowned and moved past me back toward the living room. She had on black shorts with a wide waist and a black-and-white-striped top that was missing most of the back. The only thing holding it up seemed to be a giant bow in the back; her rib tattoo with all its winking jewels was totally visible.

“We all have bad days. I need to get my car, are you ready?”

I nodded and handed Asa back the coffee mug. We exchanged a little nod, like he understood the potential for this to be the most awkward thing in the world, and I gave Ayden a small little grin. She lifted her eyebrows back at me and took my spot against the counter. I knew as soon as we left they would be picking apart what my stay-over meant.

I noticed Cora seemed to be moving a little more slowly than her usual hyperkinetic way. I wanted to ask her if I had hurt her, she was so much smaller than the girls I normally went to bed with, but we seemed to be on the same page about leaving the deed in no-man’s-land and I didn’t want to rock the boat. She fished my keys out of her bag and threw them at me.

“I left your wallet and phone in the glove box.”

“Did I do, or say, anything out of hand last night?”

I needed to know if I owed her an apology for anything … well, for anything besides devouring her like she was my last meal.

“No. You were just sad, really sad.”

I didn’t know if that meant I was feeling sad, or that I was sad as in she felt sorry for me. There was no way I could look her in the eye ever again if that had been a pity f**k. It was too good, too intense, and if she just felt sorry for me, I would never be able to look myself in the mirror as a man again.

“I got a phone call from the desert yesterday. It was bad.”

I pulled into the traffic and headed toward Broadway. I needed to find out if I had made an ass out of myself to Brite and the gang at the bar as well.

“So you said. You also mentioned that you being home makes you somehow responsible for what happened, which I hope you know is nuts. People whose job it is to fight a war have a high risk that they may end up injured or killed, you should know that. You being here or there makes no difference in the matter.”

I sighed and tightened my hands on the steering wheel. “It doesn’t matter. When I was deployed my brother died, when I’m here men in my unit die. I just can’t get away from it and yet somehow every single time I manage to scrape by just past death’s door.”

She looked at me out of those odd eyes, compassion in the blue one, censure and warning in the coffee-colored one.

“That’s too much for one person to try and carry around all the time, Rome. You can’t be responsible for everyone or feel guilty all the time for being one of lucky ones.”

“Like you?” I cut a sideways look at her. “You run around rescuing those guys, Shaw and Ayden, and now me. You want to save everyone just as much as I do.” I wasn’t going to touch the guilty part of that statement.

“Yeah, I do, only the difference is that when they suffer from their own choices, I don’t take the responsibility for it. When Rule was acting like an idiot and walked away from Shaw, that wasn’t my fault. When Ayden was pretending like she could live without Jet, that had nothing to do with me. I’m just there to love them through it and pick up the pieces after. You think that you directly impact the bad things and that’s just stupid.”

She kind of had a point, so I didn’t answer her and as such we spent the rest of the ride in silence. I turned on the radio and let old Pink Floyd fill the cab. When we got to the bar I pulled around back and she pointed to a ridiculous Mini Cooper that was painted a bright neon green. Of course that’s what she drove. I wouldn’t even fit in the thing. I pulled up next to it and killed the engine. I leaned across the seat and dug my stuff out of the glove box. I didn’t miss the way her breath caught when my arm brushed across her chest.

We stared at each other in mute silence for a full minute before she reached for the door handle. I couldn’t just let her leave without saying something about this morning, not that I had a clue what that should be.

“About this morning …” She held up a hand before I could start.

“Just don’t.” She shook her head. “It was what it was and let’s leave it at that. You’re ridiculously hot, but I don’t want to be alone forever and the kind of guy I’m looking for doesn’t come with all the questions and inner turmoil that seems to be eating you alive. I want someone steady, someone ready to settle down for the long haul, and ready to be all in with me. You aren’t even close to being in a place where you’re all in for yourself, let alone someone else. I get that you’ve been through a really hard time, have seen more than your fair share of awful things, but I need a guy living his life like tomorrow matters, not like it’s a curse. I’m sorry, Rome. My perfect guy has got to come already together and be good enough, no assembly required by me. I learned that lesson the hard way.”