Safe with Me

“Maybe we should hug him,” Josie whispers, but cowers deeper into me.

My brave, sweet girls.

“I think Caleb needs to be alone for a little while, but you can give him lots of hugs in the morning, okay?”

They both nod. “Will you lay with us for a while?” Josie asks.

“Of course,” I reply and tuck them in, then lay with them, smoothing their hair from their faces and murmuring to them. I brush the tears from their soft cheeks and kiss them both over and over again.

“I’m okay, babies.”

“Love you, mama,” Josie whispers as she falls back into sleep.

“Love you too, brave girl.”

Maddie is already snoring softly, both of them have fallen into an exhausted sleep, and I leave them and prepare myself to confront Caleb.

Poor Caleb.

The lights are still on in the living room and I find him there, sitting on the couch, knees spread and elbows propped on his knees, his face in his hands.

“Caleb,” I whisper and his head whips up, his face in utter anguish as his bright blue eyes find mine.

“I’m so damn sorry,” he replies, his voice full of the anguish written all over his face.

“It’s not your fault.” I move to him, sit down next to him, but he pulls away.

“I shouldn’t touch you.”

“Caleb…”

“I could have killed you.” His voice breaks as he braces his face in his hands again. “Oh my God!”

“You weren’t going to kill me, Caleb.”

“Yes, I was! If I hadn’t woken up, I could have choked you out, or broken your neck.” He lowers his gaze to my throat and winces at the sight of what I can only imagine is bruises beginning to take shape. “God, baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Caleb, this has never happened before. It’s been an emotional weekend.”

“It’s never happened before with you,” he corrects me. “I haven’t slept with a woman in more than four years, Bryn. I can’t risk it. My buddies have told me stories of the things I do in my sleep.” He swallows hard and shakes his head. “But God, I love sleeping with you in my arms, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I actually sleep when we’re together.”

He shakes his head in wonder and wipes his eyes and it breaks me that he’s crying.

“I haven’t had nightmares since our first night together.” His voice is raw with emotion and I don’t even feel my own tears running unchecked down my face. “But with you and the girls being in danger, and being on that fucking duck ride today, with all of those people, I guess it just caught up with me.”

“Explain to me about the crowds.” I sit back on the couch, facing him, and pull one leg up under me, careful not to touch him, but close enough that he can feel that I’m here.

“Crowds are the worst.” He swallows hard again and scrubs his hand over his lips as he leans back on the couch, looking up. “We are taught to always look for a choke point.”

I cock my eyebrow at him. “English, please.”

“Exit. Always know where your exits are. Crowds in Iraq are very dangerous. Those extremist fuckers will blow a whole crowd up, without hesitation.”

My heart bleeds for him as he closes his eyes, and I don’t even want to contemplate the horrors he’s seeing behind his eyelids.

“I didn’t realize you’d been in Iraq,” I murmur.

“Not often, but enough.”

He balls his hands into fists, and I can’t stand it anymore. I reach over to sooth him, rubbing my hand up and down his arm but he flinches away from me, so I climb into his lap, leaving him no choice but to wrap his arms around me.

“Listen to me, very carefully.” I pull my fingers down his face, never losing eye contact with him. “I’m okay, Caleb. You didn’t kill me. You scared me.”

“The girls…” he begins but I cut him off.

“The girls are worried about you and I had to stop them from coming to find you to hug you. The girls are fine, baby.” I continue to calm him, push my fingers through his hair and down his cheek. “We’re okay.”

“I should start sleeping on the couch again,” he murmurs and sighs as though he’s resigning himself to the horrible idea. He watches my face carefully, as though looking for any fear or animosity. “But I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want you to do that either,” I shake my head and kiss his cheek. “I love having your arms around me at night. I’ve never had that before.”

He clenches his eyes closed before gazing back at me. “Me neither. I would never hurt you, sweetheart. Never.”

“Caleb, you make me feel so safe. You didn’t have this nightmare while sleeping with me. You were on the couch,” I remind him and watch his eyes as he blinks several times before focusing on me again. “With a war show on the History channel.”

“I’ve never had a nightmare while sleeping with you,” he whispers.

I smile warmly and comb my fingers through his dark blonde hair again. “I guess your couch-sleeping days are over, sailor.”

He tightens his arms around my middle and presses his face to my neck, clinging to me as I twine my arms around his shoulders and kiss his temple tenderly.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers again and I hold him close.

Tell him! Tell him you love him. My heart is so full of love for this intense, protective, broken man, but I’m confused too.

Am I in love with him, or do I just have a need to fix him?

“You’re safe with me, babe,” I respond and press my lips to his forehead. “Always.”

Chapter Eleven

~Caleb~

I wake before the sun, alert and ready to start the day, despite only getting a couple hours sleep. We need to get an early start so we can get the girls to their school, Brynna to work, and I have to get to work myself.

We’ll be back at Bryn’s tonight.

I sigh and let my eyes travel over her face, down to her breast that’s pressed firmly to my ribcage through her thin nightshirt and farther down to her waist. I can’t seem to say no to her, even when it’s for her own good, and I’m afraid that that will be my greatest mistake.

She is my weakness, but she strengthens me too. It’s the damndest thing.

The reminder of last night’s nightmare rocks through me and I clench my eyes closed and hug her tightly against me.