Shame (Ruin #3)(29)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

Her sharp intake of breath was all it took for me to move. My mouth met hers, and I knew, in that instant, in that very second… madness for her? Was something I would choose.

No going back.

Her fingers tangled in my hair, and then, just as quickly as the kiss had started, she pulled back and quickly covered herself with the pillow, blocking me from reaching her.

Chest heaving, I held up my hands. “Sorry. I’m sorry, no touching.”

She shook her head again, taking her lower lip hostage as fresh tears started pooling in her eyes.

I sighed, feeling completely helpless, totally unused to the foreign feeling that there was no one I could call to fix it, nobody I could pay to make her tears go away. “Are you hungry?”

She sniffed then looked away. “A bit, but I don’t want to go out. I’m sorry I lost track of time and then—” She paled even more.

“No problem.” I shrugged. “There’s always pizza.”

Her watery smile had me reaching for my phone before she said yes. Her fingers grazed my arm and I paused.

“Cheese,” she whispered. “I want extra cheese.”

“My five-year-old self would have played with you on the playground solely based on that pizza preference,” I teased, trying to cheer her up.

“Good to know at least your five-year-old self approves of me,” she said, though at least she was smiling.

“Yeah, I imagine my five-year-old self would kick my ass or at least push me down into the mud for the way I’ve been treating you.”

“Maybe later.” Lisa’s eyes locked on mine.

“Later you’ll kick my ass?”

“Later I’ll push you in the mud.”

“Join me and we’ll talk.”

“Order pizza and I’ll think about it.”

Grinning, I pulled out my cell and whispered, “I think I like taking orders from you.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Why?” I searched for the closest pizza place, hit call, then glanced up at her pretty blue eyes. “Just think of it as returning the favor.”

“Pizza Palace!” A voice said interrupting our heated exchange. I turned around and started firing off instructions, all the while feeling Lisa’s gaze burn a hole through my body. When the call ended, I turned around to see Lisa staring at the floor. All teasing had dropped from her face. She looked lost. Not the type of lost you see on people when they’re in a new city; the type of lost you see on a little kid when she thinks her parents left her at the store.

She was the type of lost I had felt on the inside when he’d died.

Hopeless.

Withdrawn.

Angry.

“Pizza will be here in a few minutes,” I said casually, though I felt anything but casual… worthless was more like it. I was a fixer, and I was used to making things right. It was in my blood, but I was unable to do anything but sit there and order her pizza while she stared blankly at the wall. “Do you maybe want to watch a movie?”

“You don’t have to stay.” She shrugged, her voice was weak. “You came, you apologized, you bought me food—”

“I’m staying,” I placed my hand on her arm “Besides, I ordered two pizzas. Can you really eat two pizzas all by yourself?”

A small smile formed across her lips. “Right now, I don’t even think I could eat one slice.”

“We’ll go easy.” I moved toward her. “Bite by bite.”

Her head jerked up. “Is there a reason?”

“What?” I asked completely confused.

She sighed. “A reason that every single thing you say to me, when we’re alone, when you’re not pissed or acting like an ass, is dripping with sexual innuendo.”

And… officially called out. Words jumbled in my head — big words, great explanations, excuses mostly, but what came out was, “You’re beautiful.”

Her smile grew.

“And…” I sat down next to her and slowly raised my hand to caress her face. “…it seems, I just can’t help myself. When I want something… I want it. I’m selfish like that. I want to take it. I want it to be mine, nobody else’s. I never did share well as an only child.”

Her eyes flickered with something. Hesitation? Amusement? I wasn’t sure. “Who said you had to share me?”

“Off limits.” She was like a drug; even her eyes drew me in, made me want to kiss her again, made me want to absolutely lose myself in her. “And a student.”

“If I put my mask back on, will you kiss me?”

“No.”

She tried to pull away, but I had a solid grip on her body as I pulled her across my lap so that she was almost straddling me. Her eyes were uncertain as they looked from my lips to my eyes then back again.

“No masks this time.” I lowered my mouth to hers. “No masks.”

“No masks,” she repeated, her tongue sliding into my mouth.

And just like that, I sealed my fate.

And signed my destiny right along with his.

Cheerfully.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I hated her so much… I wanted to strangle her as much as I wanted to kiss her… I wanted her to feel pain the way I felt pain — raw, uncontrollable. The more I think about what she did to me, what she made me feel? The more angry I become… I am anger, and she is my catalyst. —The Journal of Taylor B.

Lisa

HIS KISS WAS slow; he tasted like mint as his tongue flicked mine then went deeper into my mouth, exploring me as much as I was exploring him. A part of me — you know, the sane part — was totally freaked, but something about his touch, about his kiss calmed me, made me think that maybe, just maybe he was safe.

I needed safe.

He deepened the kiss, his hands moving around to my hips and pulling me against him. With a moan, I tipped my head back as his lips moved away from mine and found places on my neck no guy had ever, ever taken the time to find. I closed my eyes in ecstasy as his hot mouth devoured, infusing his touch and scent into my memory.

“You’re beautiful,” he said gruffly, his lips still teasing my neck. His mouth moved to my ear. His kiss was wet, hot, as he whispered in my ear, “You are absolutely beautiful.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to be the girl that could make out without puking, the girl who could ignore the fact that my ridiculously sexy and mysterious professor had just ordered me pizza and was making out with me on the couch.