Shame (Ruin #3)(42)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

“What’s going on?” His voice was hard and even.

“You tell me.” Gabe crossed his arms.

I stayed in Tristan’s embrace. I felt dirty, used, spoiled, like I wasn’t even good enough to fight for. It was stupid for them to argue because, in the end, Gabe had been right. I know he hadn’t intentionally tried to hurt me, but hurt me he had, because he’d reminded me of what Taylor had told me right before he died.

“You’re used goods. Trash. You think a guy would touch you if he knew the things you’ve done with me? You think a good guy would even kiss those dirty lips of yours? I own you. Body and soul. You’re bad, like me, and the worst part is, you won’t even own up to it… at least I do. At least I know I’m bad.”

I hugged Tristan tighter, turning my face into his chest. I listened to the rapid beating of his heart and tried to match my breathing to the thump, even though with each second it was increasing.

Wes spoke up first. “We put cameras in the room… for her safety.”

Tristan tensed and then swore under his breath. “And you saw us kissing?”

Gabe’s voice cracked. “Yeah, we watched the PG-13 pizza party without sound, though, so don’t get too pissed off.”

“So…” I glanced up just as Tristan’s jaw clenched. “…let me get this straight. You decided to confront Lisa, by herself, without anyone to defend her, especially the guy who was just as guilty, and then made her cry, thinking that would actually help your case?”

Gabe closed his eyes and sighed. “I hate Lisa’s tears. She should know that by now. I live for her smiles. That’s it. I love her. She’s like a sister to me… I’m protective, yes, but she’s been getting threats.”

“Threats?” Tristan repeated, his face falling. “You mentioned something about threats at the benefit, and she did get attacked.”

“She hides them from me.”

“I’m right here!” I snapped, irritated that even Tristan was stepping into protective mode yet wasn’t even asking me how I felt about three men charging around my room stomping and roaring.

Gabe kept talking. “But I’m not stupid. She gets them in her mailbox, switches mailboxes, but they keep coming. Her dorm’s been broken into and the website—”

“Gabe, that’s enough!” I shouted. “Just leave it!”

“Website?” Tristan repeated in a low, intense voice. He settled his stare on me. “What website?”

“Gabe!” I begged, breaking free of Tristan’s hold and running across the room. He didn’t know what I’d just found on that site, and he was about to reveal it to the one guy I liked. “Please, please don’t, please.” I clawed at Gabe’s chest, pulled at his shirt, trying to get him to look at me so he could see the absolute terror on my face. When he finally made eye contact, I knew it was pointless.

His eyes were sad, heavy with guilt. “Lisa, he has to know. If he’s invested, he has to know. If he isn’t… then he isn’t worth your time.”

My body began to shake… he would know. He would know everything, and he’d leave before I ever got the chance to kiss him again or feel his protective arms around me once more time. He’d been the only guy in years I could kiss without feeling sick to my stomach, the only one who had challenged the old me and the new me. Gabe was taking that away from me.

The thing about your past… it never stays there. We just think it does until the time comes for it to reveal itself in all its gory shame. And there’s nothing, absolutely nothing a person can do, but watch.

The world turned to slow motion for me when Gabe walked over to the computer and started typing. My body felt too heavy; my head pounded as blood rushed to my temples. The website would still be saved in my search history, because I’d been looking at it last night.

He must have noticed because he cursed under his breath. I knew the rules, knew Gabe didn’t like me digging up my past ghosts. When the webpage popped up, I groaned, swaying on my feet.

Tristan was at my side immediately, tugging me toward the monitor, toward the sickness. I watched, like I wasn’t actually part of the nightmare in front of me. When Gabe clicked on the video, I almost puked. And when the talking began, when I heard Taylor’s voice, I finally caved.

I burst into tears, ran into the bathroom, and lost everything I’d eaten that day and then some. When my stomach was empty, I lay down on the cold floor and sobbed.

All good things… really do come to an end, don’t they?

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

I truly believe all good plans take time and strategy… this will be my last entry. If you’re reading this, know that you were chosen for a reason beyond getting insight into the mind of a madman. I chose you. I chose you just like I chose her. I bet you’re curious. I bet you wish you knew why I chose you. Two copies of this journal exist in the world. You have one, and another chosen person has the other. You should thank me, for allowing you to see part of my plan, for allowing you to see what others can only dream about. Don’t worry… we’ll meet again, even if it’s just in your nightmares. –Final Entry — Taylor B.

Tristan

I WAS BATTLING between chasing after Lisa and listening to what Gabe had to say, because he had the look of a guy trying to help… or maybe he just looked helpless. But I knew enough about him, about Wes especially, that they would never hurt their friend intentionally. And I had a sinking feeling in my gut that this had everything to do with Lisa’s past.

I craved the information I knew they had, but I hated myself for wanting it and not being able to ignore the fact that they could have the truth I needed in order to move on.

“The website…” Gabe’s eyes clouded with anger.

I could hear Lisa’s soft sobs coming from the bathroom.

Gabe swore and kept talking. “…was called Shame.”

The website pulled up immediately.

Videos of people embarrassing other people flooded the homepage. Nothing too crazy. More like a glorified YouTube, only it focused on bullying.

“People post anonymous videos… the whole idea behind was to shame people who deserved it without having to be blamed for ruining their reputations.”

“That’s messed up,” I muttered, wondering if Lisa had been shamed on the site, feeling protective all over again.

I clenched my fists as Gabe shook his head and compressed his lips as if he was struggling for control.