Shame (Ruin #3)(59)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

“I’ll Taser his ass.” Lisa nodded. “But he did say something about switching partners so… yeah.”

“Thinking about him even spending time with you makes me want to rip his head off. Let’s eat… or something.”

“Before you go hunt him down?”

I shuddered. “Yeah, eat.”

Lisa pulled out a piece and started taking tiny nibbles.

I rolled my eyes and pinned her in my stare. “Take bigger bites. You need food. You haven’t eaten all day.”

“If I take big bites, I may choke.”

“Then I’ll cut them for you.”

“You’re really abrasive tonight.”

I looked down. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

Her eyes were haunted, not clear like they’d been before the world had come crashing down on our relationship.

We both finished dinner in silence.

“I’m tired.” Lisa stood. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”

“Right.” I stood, unsure if I could hug her or if I should just stay away. I finally settled on nothing and watched her shoulders slump as if disappointed.

Cursing myself, I cleaned up the mess and tried to get comfortable on the couch. I was exhausted, so at least I’d sleep through the night.

The last thing I remembered before dozing off was a vision of Lisa in her yoga pants.

****

A blood curdling scream erupted from Lisa’s room. I jolted awake and damn-near ran into her door trying to get it open.

Lisa was tossing in bed; she was covered in sweat. “No, no! Just leave me alone!”

I rushed to her side and tried to wake her up.

With a scream, her fist went flying — directly into my jaw.

Cursing, I almost fell to the ground. Who knew she could punch like that?

“Oh my gosh!” Lisa covered her mouth. “I’m so sorry. I thought… I thought you were him.”

“Taylor.” Defeat surrounded me.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” I croaked. “I heard you screaming and thought there was someone in here and…”

Lisa burst into tears.

“Aw, sweetheart…” I didn’t give a damn if she hated me. I was holding her. I was going to hold her until all the tears dried. I tugged her into my lap and rocked her back and forth.

“I’m so mad at you.”

“I know.”

“You ruined everything.”

My chest felt like it was cracking. “I know.”

“But I — I think I love you. That’s why it hurts so bad. It won’t go away, the pain in my chest. It won’t go away, and I keep hoping that when I close my eyes and wake up again, it will go away, but—”

I kissed her into silence, putting everything I had into it, molding my lips to hers, forcing her to feel what I felt for her. When we broke apart, I was out of breath. “Lisa, look at me.”

Tears pooled in her eyes.

“I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Even if I punch you in the jaw?”

“Yes, even then.”

“Even if right now my anger overshadows everything else?”

“Even then,” I whispered. “I’d rather you hate me forever yet let me in your life, than love me for a moment and push me away.”

She nodded, wiping at her tears. “I don’t know if I can… if I can trust you again. You hurt me s-so bad.”

“Lisa, if I could take that hurt from you and carry it for the rest of my life, I would. I know that’s not how life works, but know I’d do it in an instant. If I could take all that guilt and shame? There would be no hesitation, but because I can’t, at least let me hold your hand while you walk through it.”

Nodding, she slowly lay back down in bed. “Will you lie down with me?”

“Yeah.” Some of the anxiety of the day lifted. “I can do that.”

Tucking her in against my body, I kissed her forehead as she drifted off to sleep and vowed I’d never let anyone hurt her for as long as I lived — even if that meant keeping her from me. I’d die before I hurt her again.

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

You aren’t born with fear… you’re born with love. Fear develops as you realize that the world isn’t as perfect as you’d once assumed. Fear is a learned habit — and I was its student. —Lisa

Lisa

I WOKE UP alone. Immediately, I jolted upright and looked for Tristan. He wasn’t in the living room. Just as I turned around to go back into my room and grab my cell, the bathroom door burst open.

Tristan stood there, dripping wet and naked.

Completely. Gloriously. Naked.

His jaw went slack.

My eyes went wide.

Neither of us said anything.

Until finally I cleared my throat and folded my arms. “Well, I’d say good morning, but you beat me to it.”

He scratched his head, the V from his abs flexing as water fell to the floor. “No towels.”

“They’re in my room.”

“Because you like naked men running around trying to find things to dry themselves with?”

“First naked man in my dorm.” I tried to hide my smile but ended up bursting out laughing.

“Stop laughing.”

It felt good to laugh, so I laughed harder. He looked so hot and pathetic standing there.

“That’s it.” In a blur, he charged toward me and threw me onto the couch. He hovered over my body, his eyes heated.

And this time, rather than overthink, I did what felt natural. I jerked his head down and kissed him hard on the mouth.

With a groan, he relaxed against me and then pulled my body tightly against his. I could feel every muscle, every breath he took as if I was breathing with him. I didn’t want the moment to end; I wanted it to last forever.

Moaning, I scratched down his back.

With a growl, he reached for my tank top, just as the phone buzzed on the table.

“Phone.” I breathed.

“I don’t care.”

“It could be important.”

“This is important.”

“Tristan…”

Cursing, he pulled back and snatched his phone from the table. “This better be good,” he barked.

His entire face paled within a few seconds, and then he was off me, diving for my computer.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

I watched in horror as he pulled up the same webpage I’d helped create, the same web page that had ended up being my downfall.