Shatter (True Believers #4)(16)
Author: Erin McCarthy

“It’s not your fault,” she said automatically, but then she looked at me and gave me a wobbly grin. “Well, maybe sort of.”

How she could even smile was beyond me. I felt like I needed a shot of straight whiskey. “You seem to be handling this really well. Better than most girls. I’m impressed.”

She shrugged. “I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of person. How about you? Is the glass half full or half empty?”

“Technically the glass is completely full at all times. It’s half liquid, half vapor.”

Kylie gave me an incredulous look.

“What, it’s true.”

She burst out laughing. “I can’t argue with that.”

That made me smile. She really was pretty amazing. Here she’d just found out her whole life was changing and she was still smiling. I slid my hand across the table and took hers in mine, squeezing it, unable to speak.

She looked startled but then she gave me a look that made me feel thoughts that were totally inappropriate for the situation.

“I should go,” she said. “Let you eat. And, Jonathon, take a few days to think about it, decide how you feel, what you want to do, and let me know. I’ll understand either way. Honestly, I will. You shouldn’t feel obligated.”

I already felt obligated. How could I not? The weight of that was resting on my chest like a grand piano. How the hell was I going to financially support a baby?

“By the way, I didn’t know Professor Kadisch was your father. I never would have guessed that.”

Bringing up my father was the worst possible thing she could have done, though she obviously didn’t know that. “We’re not particularly close.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” She looked sincerely compassionate.

Shit. Fuck. Damn. “I’ll be involved, Kylie. I promise.” My own father had turned his back on my mother and me for damn near two decades and I still hadn’t totally forgiven him for that. I couldn’t do the same thing and live with myself. “I’m going to try my best.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that. That’s all we can both do is just try our best.” She stood up, and I saw she was wearing loose-fitting sweatpants and snow boots. She pulled her coat off the back of her chair and shrugged into it. “I’ll e-mail you my number. It might be easier to keep in touch if we can text and call each other.”

I nodded. A thought occurred to me. She didn’t sound like she was suggesting there was anything between the two of us, but I definitely couldn’t add trying to create some kind of relationship out of nothing on top of having a baby. “You know, right, that I want to be friends, but that’s it? I don’t think anything else between us is a good idea . . . and I’ve actually been dating someone. I kind of really like her and want to see where this can go . . .”

My over-sharing and unnecessary explanation petered out when I saw she was practically baring her teeth in anger.

“You know what, Darwin? Go f**k yourself.” She lifted her purse over her shoulder so it rested across her body hands-free. “I may not be as smart as you or whoever the hell you’re dating, but I’m not stupid. I don’t have any sort of dumbass fantasy going that you’re the man of my dreams and that you’ll marry me and we’ll be happy. While you live in theories, I live in reality.” Kylie whirled around and started toward the door.

“Kylie, wait.” I stood up, contrite. Sometimes I really did sound like a total dick. I didn’t mean to, but not wanting to be a dick doesn’t excuse a dick move and that had been a dick move.

But she tossed over her shoulder, “Don’t follow me! Seriously.” As she stalked off, I thought maybe she called me an asshat under her breath.

I was an asshat. Sitting back down, I stared at my sandwich, vision blurring.

Why wasn’t there a formula for life?

Numbers were easier to understand.

It looked like I had another important one to add to my sleeve. The conception date of my first child. I actually knew it, too. November 30. Thursday. 11:45 p.m.

Fuck.

CHAPTER SIX

The cold January air felt amazing on my hot face as I left the coffee shop, already commanding my phone to call Jessica. I needed to vent. Why did guys always have to ruin a perfectly decent moment? Jonathon had handled my news pretty well, all things considered, though I didn’t appreciate his hinting it was my fault for not being on the pill. But then he had been thoughtful, comforting, and while he looked like he had a fish bone caught in his throat, he hadn’t hesitated to say he would be involved. That made me feel hugely relieved. I mean, either way, I was having a baby, and while it might be totally awkward at first to co-parent with a dude I barely knew, I still wanted my kid to have a father.

Then he had completely pissed me off by telling me he was dating someone and pointed out in that voice—the one you used when you thought someone was simple or slow—that he just wanted to be friends. So freaking insulting. Like, what, I’d gotten pregnant on purpose to snag my chem tutor? Yeah, because that was about the stupidest doomed-to-failure plan ever and pathetic to boot. I may have been a lot of things, but pathetic was not one of them.

“Hey, how did it go?” Jessica asked as a greeting.

“Remember when I said that I didn’t want to go see Jonathon again because I didn’t want to ruin the good memory by finding out he’s an asshat?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I found out he’s an asshat.”

“Oh, no. Did he freak out? Please don’t tell me he insisted it can’t be his. Because I will have to beat the shit out of him if he said that.”

Walking quickly down the street, the initial relief of the cold on my overheated skin gave way to shivers. “No, he didn’t say that.” Yeah, he had pointed to himself in question, but I thought that was more shock than anything else. Once I had told him it was his and I hadn’t been with anyone else, he hadn’t questioned that. He hadn’t insisted on a DNA test or anything like that. “He said he would be involved. That he would try his best.”

“So then why is he an asshat?”

“Because he told me he’s dating someone.”

“When you had sex with him? What a dick.”

“No. He started seeing her after.”

There was a pause. The longer it went on, the stupider I realized what I had just said sounded.

“I guess that’s a little awkward, but I’m not sure it makes him an asshat. I mean, he didn’t know you were pregnant. And you’re the one who didn’t want to see him again.”