Shatter (True Believers #4)(27)
Author: Erin McCarthy

“No, no, I’ll just go and see what he wants. Maybe he’s actually here to see Tyler.” Which would be one serious downside to living with Rory and Tyler that I hadn’t considered.

“Dude, you need to ask before you just charge up there and bug her,” Tyler said, sounding annoyed.

Then Nathan was at the top of the stairs, Tyler right behind him. “Sorry,” Tyler said. “Nathan can’t take a hint.”

Nathan’s face when he saw me with Jonathon was glorious. Not that I wanted to hurt him. Okay, I kind of did. Besides, it wasn’t like it could come anywhere close to what I had felt when I’d found those texts on Robin’s phone. That night was a blur of tears and horrific stabbing betrayal. Fury. Anguish.

Yeah. I didn’t feel bad about being seen with Jonathon months after Nathan had destroyed me.

“What the hell are you doing?” Nathan asked, glaring at me.

“What do you mean? What are you doing? Are you here to see Tyler?”

He stood there, hand going through his hair, expression still shocked as he took in how close Jonathon and I were sitting to each other. “Who are you?”

“I’m Jonathon.” He stood up and offered him his hand.

I was surprised, but Nathan actually took it and shook. “Nathan.”

Why were they shaking hands? Why was this happening? I actually felt a horrible sense of how far my life had spiraled out of control as they stood there, assessing each other. My past and my present eyeing each other, and ignoring me, I might add.

Finally Nathan glanced over at me. “Are you two . . .”

Yeah, no. I didn’t even know what Jonathon and I were doing. I wasn’t going to discuss it with the man who had begged blow jobs off my best friend. “Can I talk to you downstairs?” I asked Nathan, standing up myself.

Tyler was giving me a look that said he wasn’t down with any of this, but I tilted my head toward Jonathon so he would get a hint to keep him up here while I went downstairs with Douche Canoe.

I brushed past Nathan and stomped down the stairs, assuming he would follow me, my arms over my chest. My bra was unhooked from fooling around with Jonathon and I would really rather be continuing that than doing this.

“Why are you acting pissed?” he said from behind me. “You’re the one who texted me.”

Oh, great. I had no doubt Jonathon had just heard that. “I didn’t ask you to come over! I texted you because I’m stupid. I wanted answers you can’t give.”

“I already explained that to you. I did what I did because I was afraid I would lose you.”

Once in the kitchen, I rounded on Nathan. “That’s not an answer. That is the lamest justification I’ve ever heard. I’m sorry I texted you. I was feeling sorry for myself, but it won’t happen again.”

“Why, because now you have that guy?” He jerked his thumb toward the stairs. “Seriously, Kylie? He wears glasses.”

What the hell did that have to do with anything? Half of America was nearsighted. “So? He is about a thousand times smarter than you and as far as I can tell, he’s honest, which is not something you’re familiar with.”

“Are you trying to start a fight with me?”

“No. I’m not trying to do anything with you.” All my irritation disappeared and my stomach was starting to churn ominously. “Go home. I’m sorry I bothered you. It won’t happen again.”

“Are you having sex with him?”

“What are you, my dad? That’s none of your business!”

I tried to move past him but he actually reached out and grabbed my arm. “Just tell me. If you are, I’ll go away. If there is no chance for us, I’ll leave you alone.”

He’d promised before to leave me alone, many times, and it had never worked. But I had texted him. I was just as much to blame for continuing our pointless interactions. My anger thawed. I had loved him for a whole year. It was hard to look at him and feel nothing. “There is no chance. We can’t fix anything at this point.”

“Are you sure? You know we had something good. Before Robin threw herself at me.”

Wow. Way to take responsibility. I couldn’t do this anymore. I knew the best possible way to get rid of him. “I’m positive we can’t be together. Nathan, I’m pregnant. Jonathon is the father.”

His face froze. Then he shook his head. “You can’t be serious. You’re just saying that to f**k with me.”

“When have I ever just f**ked with you?” I snapped, annoyed. “It’s true, I am pregnant. Now go home.” I opened the door to the hallway and stared him down.

His jaw worked but finally he moved, going through the door. “You’re a bitch,” he told me. “You did this on purpose to hurt me.”

Clearly. Because it made total sense to get pregnant just to piss him off. I rolled my eyes and slammed the door in his face.

When I got to the top of the stairs, still fuming, Tyler and Jonathon were hovering. Jonathon was pacing back and forth. “Everything okay?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I told him about the baby. I know I shouldn’t have, but it seemed the best way to get him to leave me alone forever.”

Tyler shook his head. “Man, he has lost his mind the last six months. I don’t even know what is going on with him.”

“Is that what you want?” Jonathon asked. “For him to leave you alone?” His eyes were searching my face, like he could see something there that I didn’t feel.

“Yes. Why?” I wasn’t sure exactly what he was asking.

“Because don’t feel obligated to me if you want to be with him. I don’t have any claim over you.”

I sucked in a breath, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t speak for a second, letting my eyes express how I was feeling. Stake a claim, I wanted to tell him. Conquer me for king and country, damn it. Couldn’t he tell that’s what I wanted? Sure, I wanted to be independent and strong and smart and not jump into a relationship and complicate things. But at the same time, since almost the first minute I had met him I had felt ooey and gooey things for him, and I wanted him, in my bed, in my heart. I couldn’t help it. I could control it, I could be rational and hold him at arm’s length, but that didn’t stop me from wanting him to throw caution to the f**king wind and fall in love with me.

All I said was, “I don’t want to be with him. Ever. Trust me.”