Souls Unfractured

His head then spun to stare at me. And all his frantic, thrashing ceased. I held my breath, afraid to make any sudden movements. And I waited for him to see me, to see it was really me, Maddie. The young woman he ceaselessly guarded, but his eyes seemed to stare straight through me. Emotion swelled up my throat. Without moving an inch, a tear fell down my cheek.

Catching a flicker of something in Flame’s haunted gaze, my heart leaped with hope. I edged forward as his dried bruised lips opened, then it shattered into a million pieces.

“Kill me…” His voice was rasped, like he had swallowed tiny shards of glass. But his request had sailed to my ears as loud as if it were a scream. The fingers on his hands became rigid and his back began to arch.

“Kill me,” he growled again, harsher this time. I could see that whatever held him in its thrall was regaining its strength. But there was no doubt about what Flame wanted. What he was begging me to do.

The veins in his blood-covered arms tensed, the ribbons of hard muscles protruding from his torso as his fists clenched. His body began to tremble.

Flame’s head began to twitch, his eyes glazing as his legs pulled on the ties strapping him down. A pained cry burst from his lips; and I jumped to my feet unable to stand his pain. My chest was cracking with every second that passed. This was not any way to live. But I could not kill him. I could not...

When his dark eyes did fall upon me, I could see his silent plea. He no longer wanted to live in this manner. He wanted to be free of his pain. Like I had, for so many years, he wanted to be free.

Choking down a sob, I stepped forward. Flame’s back arched and dropped, then arched and dropped down to the sweat-soaked mattress beneath him.  I wanted to touch him. I wanted more than anything to put my hand on his arm, and to tell him he would be okay. I wanted to release his ties and hold him in my arms. 

But I could not. Our respective fears and barriers held me back. It was too much for me cope with right now. I became suspended in the moment. But no one should exist like this; in so much hurt and pain.

Only feet away from the bed, my hands shook so severely that I feared they would never stay calm again.

My assessing gaze roved over the welts on his arms... and the blood. My eyes tracked north, watching his skin jumping and his muscles twitching. Then finally, I reached those eyes. Eyes that robbed me of breath. They were watching me. Flame’s hand suddenly reached out as far as the tie would allow, and he whispered, “The flames. The flames are too hot. I can’t… I can’t stop them… tied down… too much… kill me… please…”

“Flame,” I cried out on a sob. I shook my head. “I… I can’t… I—”

“Please…” The desperate timbre of his graveled voice cut into my soul, blistering my heart.

Flame’s head rolled to the side as another wave of pain racked his body. He had lost weight. His skin was a deathly white and his eyes were raw with pain.

Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath. When I opened them, I glanced up. On the wall was a strip of metal, magnetic metal holding rows and rows of knives. A roar spilled from Flame’s throat, and I knew that any calm he had mustered had just waned.

Kill me… the flames are too hot… I mulled over his words and his plea. And I found my feet slowly walking forward.

With each step a pit of sorrow burrowed further into my stomach. But my legs still carried me forward. I came to a stop below the row of knives and retrieved the one I had seen him hold as he paced beneath my window. It had a brown wooden handle. The blade was sharp, the steel so polished that the dim light hanging from the ceiling glistened on it, casting a shadow on the floor.

The small bed creaked and Flame released a loud roar. I closed my eyes and flinched. On a deep breath, I opened my eyes once more.

Steeling my nerves, I turned, just as Flame’s back bowed and his head writhed. Ensuring I had a tight grip on the knife, I swallowed back the anxiety holding my body captive, and moved forward. Hearing my movement, Flame snarled in my direction, but as his gaze fell on the knife in my hand, his body froze. And then I saw it, the look of relief in his eyes as they beheld the blade. The blade loosely held at my side.

Nostrils flaring, Flame tracked my movements until I came to a stop at his side. It was closer than I had been to him in many months. This close, I could see every detail of his body. I could see all of him, every scar, every cut, every bruise.

But I couldn’t take my eyes off his face. I had never looked at men. After what I had endured at the hands of males, I could not think of them as handsome. I had given no thought to the matter at all. I simply did not think like that. I had never felt butterflies in my stomach. I had never felt my heart flutter, had never felt myself losing my very breath. When Lilah and Mae would talk of Ky and Styx, when they would blush just describing their love’s faces, eyes, lips; I did not comprehend.