Souls Unfractured

I sucked in a breath, my body now shaking. But I couldn’t move to get my blade. My body was rooted to the fucking floor by Maddie’s words. Turning my hand, I curled my fingers and dug in my nails.

Maddie’s eyes slammed down to watch as I began to count under my breath. But she carried on.

“I wanted to die, Flame. I no longer wanted to live. I remember thinking I would have accepted eternal damnation than to live like that. I could no longer bear to be touched. I hated men. All they had ever done was hurt me.” Maddie paused, then leaned forward.

I stilled.

“Then Mae returned, and following close behind was her love. Her love and his friends. When I saw the men all lined up as Mae brought Lilah and I from the cell, I had never felt such fear before. The men all appeared different to what I was used to. Then when I looked to the ground, I saw slain elders. The men who had just spent months sexually exorcising evil from my blood. Yet the man that grieved me most was not there. I found out from Mae’s love that another had been slain in the trees. And for the first time in my life, a sinful thought crossed my mind. Because I prayed that it was Brother Moses. I prayed to God that he had paid with his life for the years he had caused me pain.

“I ran into the woods, then I saw him. I saw him impaled against the tree. I saw the four long blades keeping him in place. I saw the blood pouring from his mouth. I saw his dark lifeless eyes staring into nothing… and I remember breathing. I remember standing there, staring at my torturer, my own living demon, and I breathed. I smelled the fresh air. I could smell the flowers. I heard the birds singing in the trees.  At that moment I realized that I was alive. For all those years, I had not been living.”

I listened to Maddie talk and saw that blush coat her cheeks again. I wondered why, then she spoke, and I knew.

“I walked back to the clearing where I had left Mae and Lilah. I felt all the men looking at me, but I had one task. One burning question: who was my liberator? Which man had freed me?” I noticed Maddie’s hands had stopped shaking. And when I glanced back up, she was looking at me with a new expression. I didn’t understand why, but it made me feel good.

“And it was a man at the end of the line. A man who was covered in colorful drawings, and pierced with metal. And he had blades attached to his leather pants. I remember standing before him. He was so tall and I had to tip my head backwards just to see his eyes, his eyes that were so dark they appeared black. And I asked him if he had killed the man in the trees. He answered yes, he gave me a straight truthful answer that held no shame, and I knew right there, that he was my savior. He had slain the man who had ruined my life.”

I saw it all in my head. Everything she said, I saw in my mind. Because I lived it every day. I saw it in my head all day every day. Maddie standing before me. Her green eyes staring into mine. The first person to ever stop the flames.

“And as all the barriers around my heart crumbled to dust, I held him. For the first time in my life I held a man, I embraced him. I felt his hot skin against my cheek, and I felt his heart race in his chest. And then a miracle occurred—he held me back. A man. A man held me, and I felt no desire to throw him off me. Because this man had saved me.” Maddie paused, eyes unflinching. “The man they called Flame.”

I breathed in and out, in and out, but Maddie’s eyes didn’t look away. She refused to let me go, and I couldn’t move.

“I held you, and you held me.” Her hands moved and gestured down her body. “And your touch did not harm me. The flames you believe run in your veins, did not engulf me. Instead, you gave me life. You gave me back my light.” Another tear fell down her cheek, and she whispered, “You, Flame. My Flame. My tortured boy. You gave me life and light.”

“Maddie,” I said and heard my own voice. It was broken and it was rough, but inside. Inside, I felt… quiet. I didn’t feel anything.

My eyes dropped down to my arm. My fingernails on my skin had frozen. I hadn’t finished my counts. I hadn’t drawn blood. I blinked and blinked again, my body sagging with tiredness and confusion.

“I know you feel there are flames in your blood. I know you believe there is evil within you. But I am here to fight those beliefs. Because I think, like Brother Moses did to me, someone made you believe these truths. And you may never tell me who or why. I may never know why you sleep on the floor. I may never know why you slash your arms eleven times, but I know that you are not evil, Flame. How can you be evil when you ignite such hope in me?”

“I do?” I croaked.

“Every night you arrive below my window. And every day when I feel those dark eyes of yours watching me with a blinding intensity.”