Taut: The Ford Book

Back in our room I place Kate up next to Ashleigh in bed and she wakes up long enough to position the baby against her full breast.

I turn the lights out, drop my jeans, and slide under the covers—pulling Ashleigh’s ass up against my thighs. I wrap my arms around her, play with Kate’s hair for a few seconds, and then I just drift away in my perfect thoughts of our perfect night.

The three of us fall asleep like that.

And I’ve never been so happy in all my life.

Chapter Thirty-Three

“Oh. My. God,” Ash moans into her pillow.

“What’s the problem?” It’s still dark, so I’m not even in the mood to be awake right now, but Kate’s unhappy complaints pull me right out of my peaceful post-sex slumber.

“She won’t sleep. I’ve fed her, she didn’t burp, and now she’s cranky. I’m so tired. Please, Katelynn, please just let mommy sleep.”

Exhausted Ashleigh is whiny.

I like it.

I’m not sure why I like it, since most guys would probably find it annoying, but I like her baby-begging. “Give her to me, I’ll try.”

“Be my guest.” She rolls over and brings the baby with her and as soon as I lift Kate up, Ashleigh rolls her back to me and fluffs her pillow. I put the baby on my chest and pat her back. This is how long it takes Ash to start snoring.

She’s not kidding about being tired. I have no idea what it takes to keep a baby content, but I imagine it’s quite a task. And she’s been doing it alone since Kate was born.

When I sleep with them, I wake up too, but I don’t actually have to do anything. I just grumble and go back to sleep. But Ashleigh has to feed her, change her, and then probably entertain her if she isn’t in the mood to sleep.

Kate lifts her head and shoulders off my chest with a frustrated whimper, and then collapses. I sit up a little so she’s not so flat and pat her back a little harder. She lets loose a massive belch and I can’t help it, I chuckle. “Nice one, Kate.” She agrees and I feel her relax a little.

I’ve never felt this kind of closeness before. No wonder my parents were always touching me as a baby. That makes me smile. Until I realize how hard it must’ve been to have a kid like me. How would I feel if Kate hated for me to touch her?

Not good. I like this. Especially when she’s relaxed and comfortable. It’s like an accomplishment, keeping babies happy. Very satisfying.

The bedside table clock says it’s four AM.

All this might be gone in a few hours. If we were in the car right now we’d be to LA by eight. Well, with traffic, probably longer since it’s a Wednesday. I could make an afternoon meeting. And Old Ford might’ve jumped at that chance. This job is a big deal. Not because of the money, which is nice. It pays a hell of a lot more than f**king game and reality shows. But I don’t need the money. I just need to feel fulfilled, and this career might be just what I need to get a little closer to that.

I admit, the projects I’ve done so far haven’t been that satisfying. The only good thing about Spencer’s show was Rook. And the game shows, f**k. As soon as I have something else to put on my resume, those will be the first credits to go.

So I’m really looking forward to being involved in this show. It’s a science fiction pilot set on a future Earth. Sci-fi is a very popular film genre and it has a nice effects budget, so the whole project will be a huge leap forward for me.

But… I also like this. I like this girl. I like this baby. I like having these two people around me. I like sharing our meals, and traveling together, and shopping.

I like being responsible for them.

It’s… intimate.

Very.

In fact, this trip with Ash and Kate is probably the most intimate thing I’ve ever done.

Something tickles my ribs and it takes me a few seconds to realize I was just drooled on.

I love it.

Kate squirms because I’ve stopped patting her back and she’s letting me know in her own little baby way to get busy with it again.

I resume the patting because she asked so sweetly.

Fucking Merc would have my balls if he saw me now. Hell, even Spencer would rub my face in it. Up until this… diversion in my life… Ronin was the only one of my friends who ever wanted a serious relationship. He’s always been looking for the future Mrs. Ronin Flynn. It was like a big joke a couple years back when we were working together regularly.

Ashleigh lets out a loud snore and then rolls over my way again. Even in the dim light she looks pale and exhausted. All this caregiving is draining her. She needs someone to care for her.

And really, that’s what families do. They care for each other. So when the bad stuff comes they have someone to lean on. A family is really like a team. People you can rely on to have your back. At least that’s how it was for me. My mom and dad always had my back.

I had a lot of f**king therapy as a kid. Mostly because I was defective. And weird. I refused to talk, I carried on when people touched me. I learned things too quickly. I never made friends. In fact, I just didn’t get the point of friends. I didn’t need them. I only needed me.

Or so I thought. Because obviously I just never understood what it meant to have these other relationships in my life.

Spencer living across the street from me all growing up was a convenient friendship. That’s how we became close over the years. And he never f**ked with me. Ever. When I told him not to touch me, he shrugged and said whatever. Then went back to sorting through his Matchbox cars, giving me half—always the shitty ones. But he never questioned me. He was just there. And I suppose that’s where that loyalty to him and Ronin stems from. Spencer’s unconditional acceptance of me and my weirdness.