Taut: The Ford Book

“But I’ll do my best to fulfill your secret desires next time.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “You have no idea what my secret desires are.”

“No?”

“No, but I know what yours is.” She smirks at me.

“I’m waiting.”

“Me.” The light dances off her mischievous eyes and then she bats her lashes.

God, she’s cute. “You’re right. You are my most secret desire.” I lean over the small table and bite her earlobe, whispering in her ear, “Will there be a next time?”

She draws in a deep breath. “I hope so. But I have to see what happens today. I’m just not sure what’s gonna happen.”

“I understand.” I bite her softly again, hoping she understands what that bite says.

Ashleigh wipes Kate’s face, much to the dismay of the infant, and then scoops her up out of the high chair and saunters off. “We’re gonna take a bath before we go.”

I try to will myself not to feel disappointed, but I can’t help it. This is it. This—whatever it is—is over. My food is suddenly unappetizing and I push the plate away and go out onto the balcony.

It’s loud outside. Even though we’re thirty-nine floors up, it’s still loud. Most of the noise is wind, but the sound of a city as busy as Vegas can never really be drowned out. I lean over the railing, soaking up the sun for a while. It feels good after the blizzards in Colorado this winter.

God, I just don’t know how to process this Ashleigh thing. She’s the one who mentioned the possibility of a next time. She’s sending such mixed signals. And part of me wonders if some of her actions and feelings towards me are only due to her unstable state of mind. She’s definitely not one hundred percent in the emotional department, but then again, who is? Not me, that’s for sure. I’m all over the place too. One minute I’m New Ford, team of one. And then the next I’m playing father to an infant whose real father is waiting for her in LA.

Maybe I should back off. Bow out gracefully and exhibit all those bullshit good loser manners my dad was always trying to teach me. I stare down at the traffic as I try and come to terms with my current reality.

A little while later Ash and Kate come out of the bedroom and I turn to watch them. Ashleigh is wearing a t-shirt of mine. This one says When hell freezes over, I’ll ski there too. That makes me smile because it totally fits her. She’s just flipping a big f**k you to the world. And then I notice Kate’s wearing a pretty orange dress and she has matching bows in her hair.

I wonder if Ash dressed her up because she’s gonna go see her dad today? It’s ridiculous to be jealous, I realize this. I bought her the f**king dress. I might not’ve picked it out, but I f**king paid for it. She’s wearing a dress I gave her.

But it’s not enough. I need more. It’s painful to think of losing these two. Especially so soon after the whole falling out with Rook. “Don’t pack, Ashleigh,” I call to her as I go back in. “The staff is going to box it all up and deliver it to LA tomorrow. Just take what you need for today.”

I figure this will give me one more chance to see them if she walks away from me this afternoon. But if she suspects my motives, she holds it in. Because she’s already telling Kate the latest news on the Itsy-Bitsy Spider.

Fuck.

I can’t do this. I can’t just give up with her like I did Rook.

Fuck Tony. I let Ronin have Rook because it’s what she really wanted and I’d be the biggest dick in the world if I stole her from him just because I could.

But f**k Tony. I don’t even know this guy. And yeah, Ash loves him. I respect that. But if he’s not gonna take care of her and Kate, then I don’t have to walk away.

I have four more hours on the road with her. Probably five with traffic. I go back to our bedroom and grab some jeans and a t-shirt Ashleigh packed for me from the Vail house. I laugh when I read this one. Fucking Ash. It says Jedi in the streets, Sith in the sheets. I don’t even remember owning this shirt.

After I’m cleaned up and dressed I go back to the living room and Ashleigh is all ready, sitting on the couch waiting for me. I grab my keys and wallet and Ashleigh stuffs some pastries in her diaper bag and hoists it over her shoulder with Kate in her other arm. “Here,” I say, grabbing the bag. “I got it.”

“Thanks,” she says, giving me a look as we leave the room and walk down the hall. “What’s up with you, anyway?”

I pretend I don’t hear her and just punch the button for the elevator. Luckily there’s one waiting and the doors open up immediately so we are momentarily distracted by the process of getting ourselves inside.

The doors close and she’s staring at me. “Ford.”

“Yes,” I say as I stare at my phone and pretend to text someone.

“What’s wrong?”

I look up and smile. “Business, Ashleigh. Sorry. I have a meeting this afternoon that I should try and make. So I’m thinking about that. They’ve been planning production schedules all week without me. I’m playing catch up.”

Ronin would be proud.

“Oh,” she says, like that was not the answer she was expecting. I’m not sure what she was expecting, but I’m not in the mood to talk about it just yet. I’m not avoiding the topic of Tony, but why end this trip before we have to? We’ll be in LA soon enough and I’m pretty sure Tony is the only topic on the table when we get there.