Temporary Bliss (Bliss #1)(50)
Author: B.J. Harvey

“Friends with benefits,” he replies deadpan, shifting around and failing to hide his awkwardness in discussing my sex life. Typical dad like behavior.

“Yes, friends with benefits. I thought you just had those. You told me you didn’t want a boyfriend.”

“Well, I wasn’t looking for one, that’s for sure. But Daniel kind of snuck up on me.”

“Daniel. That’s a nice strong name. What’s his surname? Where’s he from?”

“Dad, I’m not in high school anymore. It’s not about who they hang around with and who their family are. He’s a great guy, but I’ve screwed it all up, twice,” I say, tears welling in my eyes. What the hell is with all the tears? Am I going to be a great big leaky blimp for the next nine months?

“Now, now, I’m sure it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. Do you love him?” Mom asks, grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently to reassure me.

“Yeah I do, but just when I thought I’d gotten to a place where I could tell him and actually be with him, I ran away. I think this time, though, I broke his heart the same time I was breaking mine.”

“Well, if you love him, and now you’re having a baby together, surely you can work it out?” Dad asks, forever the optimist.

“I only found out today, and you’re the only people that I’ve told other than my friend Noah from work.”

“You haven’t even told Kate?” Mom asks, sounding shocked. “You and Kate tell each other everything.”

“I know, and I will, but this whole thing has kind of thrown me for a loop. And what if I miscarry again? I want this baby this time. I don’t know if I could handle going through that again.”

“We can’t know what will happen, Kenny, but if you take it easy and listen to the doctors, I’m sure you’ll be fine. But you do need to tell this Daniel fellow that he’s going to be a father. He deserves to know. Whether you are together or not, and whether you work this out or not, he will always be a part of your baby’s life.” Dad finishes off his speech with a kiss on my temple. “But if you love him, and I can tell that you do, you’ll find a way. You always do.”

I turn to Mom, and she has started crying too. “Oh, Mom, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry because of me.”

“I’m not. I just forgot how sweet your father is. He’s right. If you love Daniel, and you want to be with Daniel, you need to pull your big girl panties on and go get your man. Broken hearts can be mended, mistakes can be forgiven, you just need to admit to them. And anyway, I want to meet this man who made my baby girl fall in love. Because I know you, Mac. He must be one hell of a man for you to break your vow.”

“He is. I even think he’s part superhero,” I whisper to her with a grin.

“Well then, as long as he hides his spandex suit from me, we’ll get along just fine,” Dad pipes up, making us laugh.

Feeling a lot better about myself and the situation, I manage to eat two helpings of dinner before crawling into bed a little after 8 p.m. just in time for my phone to start blowing up with text messages from Kate.

Kate: What the hell, Mac? Are you okay?

Mac: I’m okay. Need to tell you something, though.

Kate: Tell me now.

Mac: I’ll be home on the weekend. You don’t have to come.

Kate: Don’t be a doofus. Of course I’m coming up. You need me, I’m there. Anytime, anywhere.

Mac: Doofus?

Kate: You sure you’re okay, babe?

Mac: I will be. See you tomorrow night. You okay there by yourself?

Kate: Always. Love you, babe.

Mac: Love you too.

Unable to sleep, I lie there on my back, snuggling my childhood covers in my childhood home, and dream of what my life with a child might be like, what I want it to be like, and front and center in my dream is the man I want to share it with.

In a moment of weakness, I grab my phone and type out a text, sending it before I can reconsider what I’m doing. Three weeks of no contact and it takes a surprise pregnancy to spur me on. Go figure.

Mac: Lying in bed staring at the ceiling, and all I can think about is a certain superhero who always makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the room.

Daniel: That’s easy because Superman only ever has eyes for Lois Lane

Mac: I want to be that girl. I want to try and be that girl for you.

Daniel: You don’t need to try. You’re all I ever see, gorgeous

Mac: I’m sorry for not believing in us

That message gets no reply. I guess that means the ball’s in my court. Now all I need to do is swallow my pride and get him back once and for all.

Chapter 24 – “Love Hurts”

I spend the next day lazing about with Mom while Dad is working around the farm. We bake, we clean, and then she shows me all of the stuff from my baby box that she has kept. Everything related to me as a baby had been painstakingly preserved and kept.

Mom and Dad tried to have more children after me, but she was diagnosed with secondary infertility so couldn’t have any more children. They kept everything they could from my childhood, and I mean EVERYTHING. From the end of my umbilical cord stump that fell off a week after I was born, to the first lock of hair she ever cut off, to the first onesie she ever bought for me after finding out she was pregnant. Mom had even kept all of my baby teeth in named bags. Had it been anyone else, I would have declared them certifiably insane, but as the only child she could ever carry to full term, I love that she cherishes my childhood so much.

After a few tears, and a lot of laughter, I borrow mom’s car and drive to the train station to pick up Kate. She caught the first train up here after she finished work. The entire twenty minute drive, I was trying to work out how I was going to tell her. This was something that I’d never even considered happening again. Not until I was married or in a committed relationship, neither of which I was looking for.

Daniel Winters snuck up on me and changed all that. From that first meeting, I knew something was different about him. It wasn’t just a physical attraction, there was something else there. He wasn’t just a smoking hot volcano of fine, although that was certainly appreciated. It was his spunk. The cocky sense of humor that made me smile whenever he’d text me. His thoughtfulness that makes my heart speed up whenever I saw him. Even the way he’d hold me close when we slept together, like he needed to touch me as much as he needed his next breath.

Everything he gave me was everything I never knew I wanted. And when I did finally catch up to what was going on between us, I ran away. Twice! I can’t expect him to take me back now without so much as a fight. And throwing the baby into the mix now…I know he’ll do the honorable thing, but I don’t want obligation. I don’t want him guilted into being with us. I want the whole damn thing. Love, trust, respect, commitment.