The Goodbye

Tonight I would. Holding it wouldn’t cause unbearable pain now. When the time was right, I’d give it back to its rightful owner.

Addy shifted her gaze to meet mine, and a smile touched her lips. “She’s a natural,” she said.

I made myself look away from her. “I bet she is. Her mother is incredibly talented,” I said, looking straight ahead so neither of the girls could see my eyes; they’d say more than needed to be said.

“Did Mommy play for you when you loved her?” Franny asked innocently.

When you loved her. Those four words were too much. I just nodded.

“She used to play for me at night and sing me songs until I fell asleep. Then she taught me to play,” Franny continued.

Another thing Addy had given our daughter.

“Hey, they have homemade Key lime pie here!” Franny said, doing a little jump of happiness. “Look at that sign. It’s the world’s best. I love Key lime pie.”

“Then we’ll order a whole pie and eat until we’re sick,” I told her.

She giggled, then looked back at her mother. “I think he’s teasing. I won’t eat until I’m sick.”

Addy’s soft laugh sent warm tingles down my spine. “I’m sure he’s teasing.”

“Me? Teasing? I’m completely serious,” I said, glancing back over my shoulder to wink at her.

The flash of heat in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed.

Yeah. We were fucked. If she wanted me like I wanted her, we were so screwed.

Franny let go of my hand and ran up the steps to the door of the restaurant. I followed her and put our name in with the hostess. When I turned to find the girls, I saw Franny studying the large tank of saltwater fish. Addy was behind her, pointing out different fish and telling her what they were. The two of them were a lot to take in. I could see others looking at them. One guy from the bar was watching Addy with interest. I leveled a warning glare at him as I walked up behind them and placed my hand on Addy’s lower back.

The man’s gaze shifted to me and then dropped back to his drink. He got the message. I saw then that Addy was staring at me. She had gone very still.

It took me a moment to realize that my hand had made her tense. There was no way to get around the fact that I’d just touched her in a gesture of possession. As much as I didn’t want to, I dropped my hand and looked at the tank. “I’m impressed your momma knows all the names of these fish.”

Franny glanced back at me and grinned. “Mommy knows everything,” she informed me with complete sincerity, then turned back to the fish tank.

I disagreed. If she knew everything, she’d know that dress she was wearing and the perfume she had on was driving me crazy. My touching her back like she was mine wouldn’t have surprised her. If she knew everything, she’d know I was hanging on by a thread.

“Kipling, table for three,” the hostess said behind me.

“That’s us.” I took Franny’s hand.

“Yay!” Her small hand held mine tightly, and I kept it there as we followed the hostess to our table. I’d requested one by the window so we could have a view. Franny sat at the chair by the window and looked up at me hopefully. I knew where she wanted me. I took the seat beside her, and she beamed and looked back at the water outside.

Addy took the chair across from me. And I could smell her.

“Look, they’re playing volleyball out there,” Franny said, pointing to some kids on the beach.

I tried not to imagine things about Addy that I shouldn’t be imagining and tried to focus on my daughter. This night might be the longest of my life, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

Addy

By the time Captain pulled into our driveway, Franny had fallen asleep in the front seat. He parked and looked back at me with a small smile. “We wore her out.”

“She wore herself out. I wish I had a fourth of her energy,” I replied, opening my door. “But she enjoyed tonight. Thank you for making it special.” I had the Key lime pie in my lap. Her eyes had lit up when it arrived at the table, and although she had barely finished one slice, it was important to her that he had bought the whole pie.

I climbed down just as Captain walked over to our side. He started to open her door but stopped and looked at me. “Did you have a good night?” His question was sincere. As if he wanted me to say yes.

I’d had a wonderful night, but there were times when I’d forgotten who we were and what we weren’t. The lines had blurred again, and the fantasy that we were the happy family the server thought we were was easy to buy into. I couldn’t let that become something Franny expected. “It was really nice. Thank you,” I replied.

He tilted his head and studied me for a moment. “Just nice, huh?”

The fact that this man needed reassurance was sweet. I wanted to kiss that look off his face, but I quickly snapped out of my giddy moment and stepped back.

Captain followed me with a step of his own. Confused, I watched him, wondering what this was. I couldn’t play teasing games with him.

“Don’t,” he said softly, when I started to move away again. “Just for a moment, let me be close to you. I know this isn’t what you want. It isn’t smart. But . . .” He closed his eyes tightly and clenched his teeth. “I just need to touch you.”

Oh, God. Oh. God. I was frozen, and moving was impossible.

He moved in closer, until our chests almost touched. We’d been here before. It hadn’t ended well. But although my head was screaming at me to stop, my heart was pounding, and the butterflies in my stomach had taken flight.