The Crane Wife(28)
Author: Patrick Ness

Amanda looked back over.

‘This seems scarcely credible,’ the woman said, ‘but is it at all possible that you are Amanda Duncan?’

Amanda froze mid-chew.

‘I am sorry,’ the woman said again, and this time it meant ‘I’m sorry’. ‘This is quite amazing, is it not?’ she said. ‘We have not met, but I feel as if we have.’

Amanda sat up straighter, astonished. ‘Kumiko?’

For all of a sudden, it could only be her.

A cyclist – possibly the same one from earlier for all Amanda knew, they all looked identical, with their crotch-fitting tights and their air of ethical entitlement – raced past, perilously close to the bench, causing them both to rear back. Amanda’s cress sandwich tumbled to the pavement, lying there like a murder victim.

‘Fucking cyclists!’ she screamed after him. ‘Think they own the world! Think they can do whatever they like! Complain you’re in their way even when you’re on a FUCKING PARK BENCH!’

Amanda sat back, lunchless, drinkless, furious that the tears were coming again, furious that everything felt like it was sliding apart, that it was doing so for no good reason, that nothing had changed except something slight, something she couldn’t put her finger on, something that took everything that was her life and placed it slightly higher up on a mountainside so she had to climb for it, and when she got there, there was only more mountain, there was only ever going to be more mountain for as long as she lived, and if that was the case then what was the goddamn point? Of any of it?

A handful of tissues nudged gently under her nose. Unnerved by where that chain of thoughts had run from and how quickly it had reached its alarming destination, Amanda took the tissues from the woman, from Kumiko it now seemed impossibly to be, and wiped away her tears.

‘I know,’ Kumiko said. ‘I hate them, too.’

It took Amanda a moment to realise what Kumiko meant. When she did, she looked up in wonder and burst into fresh tears.

Which at least weren’t angry.

‘Duncan Printing?’

‘Is that the famous artist George Duncan?’

‘. . .’

‘That’s him, isn’t it?’

‘. . .’

‘Oh, come on, George? No need to be shy? I saw you on the internet?’

‘It’s over. I thought we–’

‘No, it isn’t over? I’ve seen the ones you’ve got for sale? Right here in front of me on my computer screen? It’s not over at all, is it, George?’

‘I mean this is over. And you know it is. You wanted it to be. And for once, I agreed–’

‘But that was before you became famous?’

‘Hardly famous, look, I–’

‘And these prices, George? That’s being a bit of a tall poppy, isn’t it?’

‘Those aren’t our websites. Those aren’t our prices. We don’t even know how that all started. It’s just sort of exploded–’

‘“We don’t even know”? You and this Kumiko person? That’s her name, isn’t it? Kumiko?’

‘I’m going to hang up now, Rachel, and I don’t want you–’

‘A couple who works together? Isn’t that nice?’

‘You’ve really got to stop this upward inflection. It makes you sound like an imbecile.’

‘. . .’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean–’

‘Screw you, George. I’m just trying to be nice. I’m just trying to be friendly. I mean, you broke my heart–’

‘That’s not even a little bit true. Clandestine meetings. Sworn to secrecy. You never even seemed like you were having a good time.’

‘That’s really not fair? The secrecy was for both of us? I mean, I’ll happily tell Amanda all about us now, if that’s what you want–’

‘Is that meant to be some kind of threat?’

‘. . .’

‘I’m going to hang up now. I really am.’

‘Wait. Wait? I’m sorry? I know how harsh I can be. I do. But . . .’

‘But what?’

‘I can’t bear you being cruel, George. That’s the last thing you ever are.’

‘I’m sorry, I–’

‘Because that’s the thing I can’t stop thinking about. That you’re not cruel? Because cruelty is so common these days, you wouldn’t believe it. Every man I go out with, it’s like I’m in a competition with him. Who’s the meanest? Who’s the rudest? Like we’re competing from the first hello to prove how tough we are. And then the actual dates are like a, like a, like a, what are those things?’

‘A joust?’

‘Yes! Like a joust! And the only thing you’re allowed to do is show the other person how tough you are and how hard you are and how you’re laughing at their weaknesses. That’s what it is. You’re laughing at them. You’re laughing at how stupid they are? And you’re trying your goddamn hardest to make sure they’re never going to laugh at how stupid you are. And don’t even get me started on the sex?’

‘I would really hope not to–’

‘Because the sex is all about pretending that, no matter how great it is? No matter how much work and, like, skill they put into it? That it’s only okay? That you’ve had better? That it wasn’t, like, bad, but they shouldn’t feel too proud of themselves?’

‘Rachel, I don’t know what you want from–’

‘It’s awful, George. I hate it. And I’ve been with this guy, Wally?’

‘Wally?’

‘And every minute is like that! Every minute! Like we’re on Gladiators? It’s exhausting. I’m so tired of it. I’m so, so tired of it? And you weren’t like that.’

‘. . .’

‘. . .’

‘. . .’

‘George?’

‘I’m with Kumiko now.’

‘I know. I know? I mean, I do know? Your daughter won’t shut up about it? So I know? But I was just thinking. I was thinking how much I missed you.’

‘. . .’

‘. . .’

‘I don’t know what to say to–’

‘You don’t have to say anything? I just–’

‘I’m with Kumiko–’

‘Miss someone who’s–’

‘And I really have–’