The Hardest Fall

I couldn’t talk through the lump in my throat, so my dad—my hero in everything—continued for me.

“You tried. I know you tried your best to get to know him, but if it’s not working…maybe it’s time to call it. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and waited for him to tell Chris about you. You did everything he wanted, and you’re still doing it, so maybe it’s time for you to do what you want, huh?”

“I can’t tell him,” I croaked out. “I promised Mark today that I wouldn’t tell Chris anything before his last season is over, and I hate it because he’s right, but he’s been manipulating me for years now and I’m just heartbroken.”

“Do you realize that’s been his excuse for the last three years? And how hard is he trying to get to know you? Because I happen to know how many times he’s promised to be somewhere and never showed up.”

“He was at the apartment, last night, Dad.”

“Who? Mark?”

“No…uh, actually, before I tell you about that…please don’t be angry. I didn’t tell you this because I wasn’t sure how you’d react to me living with a stranger, but—”

“Living with a stranger? What are you talking about?”

“Well…apparently one of Mark’s players had some trouble with his roommates and needed a place to stay. I hadn’t told Mark I wasn’t moving in with Kayla yet, so…thinking I wouldn’t be at the apartment…well, he offered it to Dylan.”

Not a sound could be heard from the other end of the line. I’d known he would be pissed, which was one of the reasons I hadn’t been calling him as much as I usually did. I hated having to lie to him.

“I’ve been living with him, with Dylan I mean, this last month, or maybe a bit longer,” I rushed out.

Complete silence. Then, “A month, or maybe a bit longer.”

Wincing, I tapped my forehead against my knees a few times. “Yeah, but he is a really good guy, Dad.” I could’ve told him about the times I’d met him before he moved in, but I didn’t think that would go well at all. Oh, and there was also the time where he held my hand and let me fall asleep on his shoulder when the electricity went out, but again, that wouldn’t go over well.

“Zoe…do you want me to have a heart attack?”

“I’m serious, Dad. I was expecting him to be this…” Ah, how to explain Dylan to my dad who didn’t even know I had a roommate, let alone a roommate who was a football player. “…this completely different person, but he’s not.” A small smile tipped my lips up. “I mean he is different, but in a good way. Actually, I think you’d really like him.”

“I want you to move out, Zoe. I’m coming up there tomorrow and we’ll find another apartment for you.”

It sounded like everything I’d just said had fallen on deaf ears. I let out a heavy sigh. “No, you’re not. I can’t move out, at least not this year. I’ve been saving money, but not enough to move out yet.”

“Stop being so stubborn and let me help you out. I’ll pay your rent.”

“No, Dad. I can’t ask you to do that. You’re still paying off Mom’s hospital bills, and I’m not gonna add to that stress.”

“You’re killing me, here. Do you realize how helpless I’m feeling? You’re not letting me do anything about that Mark. You expect me to sit back and be okay while I’m listening to you cry about things you keep from me, and you’re not letting me help with your living situation—what the hell am I good for then?”

My eyes bulged. My dad never cursed. I wouldn’t really label hell as a curse, but coming from his lips, it might as well have been a heated fuck.

“Dad…I…”

There was a long exhale. “How could you not tell me you’ve been living with a boy, Zoe?” Thinking of Dylan as a boy made my lips twitch. He was most definitely more than just a boy, and he probably had been for a very long time.

“If it was Jared or one of your friends, that would be something else, but a football player? Does he at least have a girlfriend, or maybe a boyfriend? How old did you say he was again?”

“He’s a senior, and sorry for crushing your dreams, but I believe he is straight.” Yeah, I had no doubt about that. “He is Chris’s friend, actually. That’s what I was go—”

“Is he the reason you haven’t been calling me? I thought you’d been swamped with your classes, but are you and this guy—”

“Nope, you don’t even need to finish that sentence. He is too busy to have a girlfriend since he is working hard to go pro, not that I would be interested if he wasn’t busy, or that he’d be interested in me, but—”

“You’re rambling. You like this boy, don’t you?”

“No,” I rushed out, a little too quickly. “No, I don’t.” So why did my voice come out so high-pitched? “We’re actually becoming friends. Maybe you’ll get to meet him if you come to visit. And yes, my classes are picking up. Assignments and the small shoots I’m doing for other students pretty much take up all my time. I’ve also been taking stock photos to sell online, you know, styling little scenes and selling them individually. My photography professor is going to let me know if any of her photographer friends need an assistant for any of their shoots, like weddings or things like that, since I’m interested in portraits more than anything else. So, yes, it’s been really hectic, and that’s the only reason I haven’t had the time to call you. I don’t want you to worry about me. I can handle it—I’ve been handling it. Still, I’m being serious when I say I’m going to move out of his apartment next year. I always thought it was the least he could do—letting me stay there, I mean—but yeah, I don’t want any strings between us, not anymore. I feel like I owe him something, and I don’t like it.”

I was too late to realize my last sentence would set him off again.

“You don’t owe him a single thing—not one thing, Zoe.”

“I know that, I guess, but still, I don’t want any strings. If he won’t tell Chris by January or February… Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Mark anymore. Dylan, on the other hand, I don’t want you to worry about. Yes, he is my roommate, but we barely see each other. Trust me, he is even busier than me”—which was a shame—“so you have nothing to worry about. You know I’d tell you if he was making me uncomfortable or if we were seeing each other. I always tell you stuff like that, you know that.”

“Would you? Because I’ve heard more than a few things you’ve been keeping from me in this phone conversation.”

Touché.

Change the subject, Zoe.

“Uh…what I was trying to tell you earlier…last night two of Dylan’s teammates came to the apartment. One of them was Chris, and I was there…and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know where to put my hands. It was so awkward.”

“You could’ve told him.”

“Dad, I can’t just come out and tell him out of nowhere. Do you forget how I reacted? He’d think I was crazy, and what was I supposed to say, anyway? Oh, hello, I’m your long-lost sister you never knew you had. So, how have you been? Oh, also, the woman you know as your mom is actually not. Do you want to know about your real mother? Besides, I might have stared at him a little too much yesterday, so he might already think I’m missing a few screws.”