The Impact of You(33)
Author: Kendall Ryan

“Jase Alexander Owens. What did you do to screw things up?”

“Nice, Mom. Thanks for automatically assuming it was me.”

She’s quiet for a second, but I can tell she won’t just let this drop, like I’m silently begging her to do. “That girl was sweet as pie, Jase, and I could tell how you two felt about each other. What happened?”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my rioting nerves. “Let’s just say, she was hiding some major skeletons in her closet and she wasn’t who I thought she was.” It sounds like a bullshit excuse when I say it out loud. I don’t know if I’m hurt because Avery didn’t trust me with the truth after I’d been so open with her, or if I’m just hurt that I wasn’t the first to be with her.

“Jase, we all have things in our pasts we wish we could take back. You, me, and I know your dad regrets how he handled things with you. But we don’t just cut people out of our lives when they make mistakes. I thank God every day that you forgave me. And heaven knows, over the years, you’ve made your fair share of mistakes, too.”

Shit f**k. I can’t argue. “I guess it was more how I found out. I wish Avery would have trusted me enough to come to me herself with the story.”

“Yes, I get it. But did you ask her why she didn’t come to you? Give her a chance to explain herself? Maybe she was going to tell you, or maybe she had a good reason why she thought she couldn’t.”

Dammit. I hate it when my mom’s right.

Her voice softens. “Just have one more conversation with her, Jase. That’s one of my biggest regrets – I wish I would have talked more openly about things with you and your dad. I just don’t want you to have any regrets.”

“I love you, Mom.” Now drop it.

“Love you more, Jasey. So, are you going to talk to her?”

“We’ll see.” After how I treated her, I don’t know if Avery will still want to talk to me. And then there’s the matter of admitting to her that I f**ked up that one night by letting Stacia into my bed. I doubt she’ll be happy about that.

“Okay, bye, honey,” Mom says.

I hang up and stare at the phone in my hands. It’d be too simple just to call her. What would I say, though? I’ve kept in touch with her friend Madison so that I can keep tabs on how Avery’s doing. Just because she isn’t mine doesn’t mean I don’t worry about her. I know my Mom’s advice is going to ring in my head until I talk to Avery one last time.

Chapter 26

Avery

Feeling sorry for myself isn’t working – neither is pretending my past will go away. It won’t. Even if I transfer to a school in Alaska, and no one knows, I will know. And that’s what I hate most. I hate living with the regret – having something I can never take back. It might sound strange, but I’m disappointed in myself, and I’m tired of living with that feeling.

Maybe that’s what this little road trip will provide – the chance to think, to get away from everything for a few days, leave all my crappy baggage behind. When I return, I won’t be the same girl. I’ll know my mom, for one. And I’ll work on forgiving myself. With each mile I drive, I’ll leave my past behind me. So I took some sexy pictures with my boyfriend? I wasn’t going to let that own me. Not anymore.

While other college kids are getting ready for a fun Friday night out, I’m preparing for a twelve hour drive to Denver. I’ll stop for the night somewhere across the massively long state of Nebraska. That will put me into Denver tomorrow afternoon, and my mom, Jessica, or whatever I will call her, has asked me to come over and have lunch. The idea of meeting her is overwhelming, let alone seeing her home and sitting across from her over lunch. I may puke before I even drive the first mile of the trip.

Noah and Madison – just like my parents – are eager to join me on my road trip adventure, but I tell them the same thing. This is something I need to do alone. Maybe just to know that I am strong enough to face it.

It is late afternoon, but the sun is already preparing for its nightly hibernation. The streaks of golden sun lighting up the sky remind me I’ll be driving in the dark soon and I need to get moving. I hitch my backpack higher on my shoulder and continue across campus to where my car waits. My car is right where I left it, but it’s the guy standing next to the driver’s door that gives me pause.

“Ja-Jase?” My tongue trips over his name, both from surprise at seeing him and from the ban I’ve imposed on speaking his name.

“Hi,” he returns carefully.

He’s dressed casually in dark-washed jeans, a gray T-shirt and my favorite light blue hoodie that I liked to steal on occasion. Seeing him is physically painful. He’s so handsome, and I’m reminded how comfortably we fit together. My body remains rooted to the sidewalk, because I know if I go to him, my head will rest perfectly in the crook of his neck, his T-shirt will smell like a mix of fabric softener and cologne, and if his arms circle around me I will feel safe.

I pull a shaky breath into my lungs. What is he doing here?

Jase takes a step closer. “So you’re really doing this?” My eyes must betray my confusion, because he adds, “I talked to Madison.”

I nod. Damn Madison. I know they’ve been conversing about me in their shared lit class. I try not to read too much into it. “Yep. She lives in Denver. We’re meeting up tomorrow afternoon for lunch.” It explains how he knew where I was headed, but not what he’s doing here with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. “Did you…need something?” I don’t mean for it to sound so cold, clinical, yet it does.

“I’d like to come with you – like we talked about.”

I frown. “That was before.”

“I know,” he adds quickly. “But I’m the one who pushed you toward this, and it seems right that I should be with you when you go. Just because…of what happened…doesn’t mean I’m going back on my word. I am your life coach, and I intend to see this project through.” He attempts a smile, but I’m not amused. I’m done feeling like his project.

I continue past him toward the car, unlocking my door to toss my backpack on the backseat. “It’s fine, Jase. I’m good with going alone.” I don’t know what’s with his weird sense of responsibility toward me. But I want a friend…or maybe a boyfriend…not a guardian.