The Impact of You(38)
Author: Kendall Ryan

She climbs from the bed. “Yeah, low key sounds great.”

I didn’t figure she’d be up for going out someplace. I take the keys from the bedside table and watch as Avery disappears into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. When I hear the water turn on, I have to fight the urge to go in after her.

I return a little while later with bags of Chinese takeout. Dressed in a white tank and pink cotton pants, Avery sits cross-legged in the center of the bed. “Hi,” she says.

Her smile is back, so I can only assume the shower helped. Her hair is still damp, but combed neatly and secured in a braid across her shoulder. It makes her look younger. Beautiful. Food is suddenly the last thing on my mind.

“What’d you get us? It smells good.”

I set the bag on the bedside table and begin unloading the paper cartons. “Chinese. Hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.”

We eat spicy noodles, spring rolls and almond chicken while watching a mindless comedy on cable. By the time we’re full, Avery is openly laughing at the movie. I throw the leftovers away in my adjoining room and close the door. I’m hopeful we’ll share a bed tonight. Even if nothing else happens, I just want to be near her. And I figure we won’t want to breathe in the smell of old Chinese food all night.

Avery has stacked all the pillows from my bed and hers up against the headboard and is lounging against them when I return from brushing my teeth. “You’re looking quite comfortable there.”

She crosses her legs at the ankle and smiles, like a princess perched on her throne. Now that we’re done eating, the room is too quiet, too full of her. Suddenly I don’t know what to do with myself. Avery just continues watching me with wide green eyes.

I hesitate at the end of the bed, and rub the back of my neck, waiting for her to give me some indication she wants me to stay. Although she’s commandeered all my pillows so…. “You’re holding my pillows hostage… does that mean you want me here?”

“Maybe I just really like pillows…” She wiggles against the mountain behind her, making herself comfortable. “Kidding. Of course you’re staying.” She pats the bed beside her “You being here means a lot.”

I wish I knew what she’s thinking. I cross the room to sit beside her on the bed. “You doing better?” I ask, though I can see she is.

The glow in her cheeks is back, her eyes are bright and happy. Whatever she has worked through in the last couple of hours, I can only hope has been helped by my presence. The feeling is addicting. I just like being near her, and I’m not going anywhere as long as she wants me here.

Avery scoots over, making room for me on the bed, and moves closer to sink against the pillows. We’re half-sitting, half-lying side by side.

“Should we talk about my past … indiscretions?” she asks, staring at the ceiling.

I hate how she’s had to live with so much on her shoulders. But she’s right. We do need to talk about that. I wonder if she’s going to start, because I have no clue what to say. She grips her hands in front of her looking nervous.

I take a deep breath and start. “Listen, Avery, I can get over the pictures. We’ve all made stupid mistakes. But I don’t like feeling lied to.” She doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking straight up at the ceiling, her expression neutral. “The main thing holding me back is that you’re not who I thought you were. I can’t escape the feeling like I’ve been fooled by you. Do I even know the real Avery? Was it all a carefully constructed cover up, or did I see the real you?”

Her shoulders straighten, and she seems to draw some inner strength. “You saw the real me. The messy, scared shitless me trying to figure out a way to move past it.”

“When I first met you, you were running and I just wanted to help. Seeing you crouched behind that dumpster…shit, Avery.” I take a deep breath, letting it creep out of my lungs slowly.

“It’s fine, Jase. You don’t need to explain. You needed a little project to distract you from the issues with your mom – fine. Mission accomplished. But guess what? I don’t want to be someone’s project. I’m done being broken. And I’m done hiding from my past. I’ve made mistakes. I’m not perfect. I need someone who can deal with that.”

“You were never a project, and we both know it. I wasn’t involved with you for some noble purpose. I loved watching your eyes light up, seeing you let go, making you blush when I made dirty comments. I made it my mission to see you smile.”

“Well, I’m officially done hiding. It didn’t do me any good anyway. And when I dated Brent, I wasn’t the same girl that I am now. He was my first crush; I wanted to impress him, to fit in and be a little reckless…obviously you can see how well that worked out for me. It was a stupid mistake that I can’t take back, Jase.”

“Fuck your past. It won’t own us. I can’t think straight without you. I miss you. I want you back, babe.”

I’m sorry about all she had to endure. I’m sorry about her f**ktard ex. I’m sorry she’d taken those pictures. But I can push it all aside. I want this girl. I want her for my own. End of story. The world can f**k off for all I care. She’s mine.

“Whistle, I’m going to kiss you now.”

The tightness across my shoulders lessens for the first time in weeks. I lean in and kiss her, soft and tenderly, my lips skimming across hers. I nip at her bottom lip, drawing it into my mouth, and she lets out a soft exhale at the sudden contact. I’m torn…I want her, have wanted her for so long, and now she’s mine and we’re alone together in a hotel, but I don’t want to rush her.

Avery, having not gotten the memo about my decision to take things slow, pushes her hands under my shirt and rubs them along my chest and stomach. Even the simplest of touches from her are amazing. Finding her courage, she climbs onto my lap and straddles me. I grip her waist and continue kissing her, not wanting to rush things, but also not willing to give up this moment. Her hands stop at the waistband of my jeans, and with trembling fingers, she begins working at the button. It takes every ounce of self-control I possess to find her hands and stop her.

“Avery.” I breathe against her mouth and she pulls back just a fraction, her eyes searching mine. I hate that just when she finds herself and initiates physical contact between us, I have to stop her.