The Last Husband (Forever Love #2)(21)
Author: J.S. Cooper

“It may seem cruel, but my dad did us a favor. Who knows how long we would have been holding out hope.” I sighed. “And for what? She never came back.”

“She still loves you, Zane; she’s your mom.” Lucky looked at me in earnest and I kept my thoughts to myself. “The maternal instinct never dies. She’s probably somewhere wishing she knew where you were.”

“I doubt it.”

“I bet she is, who knows what your father said, Zane?” She paused. “Maybe he blackmailed her or drove her away or did something to her.”

“You watch too many movies.”

“Will I meet your dad, by the way?”

“One day.” I sighed. I didn’t really want Lucky to meet my dad. I didn’t want her to be caught up in his charm. He wasn’t a good guy, but he knew how to fool a lot of people. I didn’t want Lucky to be one of the people he fooled. Not my Lucky.

“Do you remember when you told me you didn’t believe in love?” Lucky looked at me seriously. “And that you weren’t looking for a serious relationship?”

“Yes.” I kept my voice low, but I was scared where she was taking the conversation.

“Do you ever still feel that way?” Her eyes were questioning and I tried to ignore the nerves and panic in my stomach.

“No,” I lied, not wanting her to know that every day I questioned if being with her and loving her was the right thing to do.

“So I changed your mind, just like that?”

“Yes.” I sighed and avoided her piercing gaze. “No. Do we have to talk about this?”

“No to what?” Her voice was sharp and I could hear the distress in it.

“My natural reaction is to rebel from love, Lucky,” I sighed. Sometimes I don’t know if I can handle loving someone. Loving you. I don’t know if I can live my life with this burden and this worry constantly encroaching on my heart.”

“Do you want to be in a relationship with me?” Lucky continued, and I sighed.

“I can’t keep having this conversation.” I looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “I’m here, we’re here. We’re making it work. I’m trying to make this work. To give you what you want.”

“You’re the one that wanted to be my last boyfriend.”

“Because I know that’s what you need. I don’t need labels.”

“I thought you loved me.”

“Of course I love you,” I retorted angrily. I didn’t understand how Lucky couldn’t see that. “How many times do I have to tell you?”

“I want to hear you say it and know that you mean it.” Her voice cracked. “I worry sometimes that …”

“Lucky, I love you. I don’t know love like you do. I’ve never really felt it much before. But I know that what I feel for you is deep and strong and I can’t guarantee you a forever relationship, or a forever love, but what I feel now is deep and strong.”

“I see.” She closed her eyes and yawned. “I’m feeling tired.” I watched her face and I wanted to shake her for cutting me out. I didn’t understand how a conversation about my mother turned into a conversation about me loving her. What did I have to do to show her that she was the one I wanted to be with?

“You’re mad at me?” I sighed, frustrated and aware that I hadn’t given her the answer that she wanted. She opened her eyes slowly and smiled weakly at me.

“I’m not mad. This is just harder than I thought it would be.”

“Oh?”

“I thought when you told me you loved me, it would be all roses and cupcakes from that point on, but it’s not.” She laughed to herself. “I guess that’s not how life works.”

“I’m trying.” I pursed my lips. “Please just give me a chance.”

Lucky sat up and I stared at her br**sts, unable to stop myself from licking my lips. I felt a yearning in my loins as I stared at her naked body. How I loved her body. I groaned as she pulled the sheet up to cover herself and she shook her head at me with a smile. “Zane, listen to me carefully. I’m not going to leave you. I love you. I want you. I need you. We’ll get through this. We’ll make it work. It’s just not the fairytale I thought it was going to be.”

My heart hurt at her words. I wanted to be her Prince Charming. I wanted to be the one to sweep her off her feet into the sunset and live happily ever after. I just didn’t think I was ever that man. I was the Huntsman, not the Prince. I don’t think I was ever going to be the Prince. “You deserve the fairytale.”

“I don’t need the fairytale.”

“I want you to have the fairytale.”

“Well, you’re my Grumpy so I guess I do.” She laughed.

“Funny.” I leaned forward and kissed her. “Who knew I was dating such a funny girl?”

“Do you ever want to find out what happened to your mom?” Lucky looked at me with a thoughtful look.

“Not really.” I shook my head. “What’s the point?”

“To reconnect?”

“Reconnect? I don’t know if we ever had a real connection in the first place.”

“Does she know about Noah?”

“I don’t know.” My throat constricted and I took a deep breath. “My heart hurts, Lucky. I don’t know if this pain will ever go away.”

“Can I see a photo of him?” she asked softly. I jumped out of the bed and walked to my wardrobe. I opened it up and took out a box. I walked back to the bed and opened the box and took out a framed photograph of Noah and me when he graduated from college.

“He was really handsome.” Lucky studied the photo and smiled at me. “He looked happy.”

“He was happy,” I sighed. “Ironic, right? He was one of the happiest guys I knew.”

“I guess he hid his pain?”

“Yeah. He did try and talk about finding Mom, but I always blew him off. I didn’t want to know.” I sighed and looked at the wall, remembering the last conversation Noah and I had about Mom. He’d tried to convince me that we should try and find her so we could learn about our family’s medical background on her side. But I’d dismissed his concerns and changed the subject. He didn’t hold the same bitterness towards her that I did. I hated her. Every time I thought of her playing with us and laughing, it made me want to punch the wall. She had f**ked me up emotionally. She had f**ked me up so badly that I never wanted to give my whole heart. I never wanted to feel that pain and rejection again.