The Rush
The corner of his mouth kicked up into a crooked smile and his face softened into an intimate kind of secret between us. He tilted his chin, silently telling me to join them inside. The movement was so subtle but so commanding my hand was reaching for the door before my brain registered what it was doing.
I was starting to hate those subtle movements he seemed to command so carelessly but received the most immediate results with. As the warmth from the coffee shop blew into my face and tugged me inside I decided that Ryder must have some kind of mind control power to get everyone to obey those casual movements. Or at least he had one over me.
It would explain so very much.
And then there would be nothing to be worried about.
Only, there was no such thing as that kind of mind-control power. So whatever was happening between us had to be something even more unexplainable.
Or at least on my end. With a whoosh of exhaled breath I entered the coffee shop and made my way to the counter.
“Hey, Ryder,” I threw a smile at him. In a weird play of power I wanted to be the one that spoke first.
“Hey, Ivy,” he echoed in only a slightly teasing voice. “Caramel macchiato?”
“Yes, please,” I dropped my eyes to the counter, hiding a wider smile.
“Have a seat ladies. I’ll bring these out to you when they’re ready,” Ryder directed with his gravelly voice.
“How much is it?” I asked, reaching for my purse.
“That’s alright, I’m using my employee benefits.”
“Oooh,” Exie cooed. “Employee benefits! Do all of your friends get these benefits?”
Ryder’s small smile turned into a full on grin and he turned his focus to my best friend. I immediately felt the loss. “Sure, and friends of friends.”
“Sweet!” Exie exclaimed in her screechy girl way.
“Mmm-mm. I want to pay,” I argued.
“Not a chance, Red. Go sit down,” Ryder countered with restrained force. He wasn’t going to be argued with. I wondered if I had offended his pride, but when I looked up and met his stare a shock of some emotion rocked my body leaving me breathless. His steely gray eyes were daring me to defy him. They were filled with cocky arrogance and something more.... something like possession, like it was his entitlement in life to pay for my coffee.
Losing the battle easily to that kind of resolve, I simply nodded and followed my giggling friends to a table. I was used to Nix’s male-dominant tactics; they were like the slow poison sucking away at my life. Nix wanted to control, to force me to serve. I loathed the prideful power that was Nix.
But Ryder was something so different, so…. gentle. He was pushy and domineering and a complete Neanderthal. But his feelings came from a place of sweetness, and with a desire to protect.
When Nix ordered me around I felt like a caged animal.
When Ryder ordered me around I felt…. turned on.
Oh no.
This was so not good.
“Right!” Exie squealed in an exaggerated whisper. “I told you!”
What was with my friends and look at all guys like they were edible? Possibly we should have ordered some croissants too to curb their obvious hunger….
“But you’re right,” Sloane continued, her tone dropping with disappointment. “He’s so not affected by us at all. It’s kind of eerie actually.”
“But kind of nice?” I posed the statement as a question even though for me it was like balm to open wounds. I knew without a question how healing it felt to be around Ryder, to feel how unimpressed with me he was.
That was sick, right? There had to be something wrong with me.
“So are you going to….” Sloane hesitated and I knew what she was getting at but I didn’t even want to hear the question out loud. “I mean, Chase is almost times-up, right?”
“I’m not, no way.” I growled. “He will never get anywhere near Nix, or my mother. Could you imagine?” My voice dropped to a whisper as if the axis of evil could somehow overhear me.
Sloane nodded with approval, her worried expression turning back to one of respect. Exie just smiled at me with this enormous grin that ate up half her face.
“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Nothing,” she said but kept smiling and now her eyes seemed to be holding a secret.
“Exie, what?” I demanded.
“Nothing,” she sighed contentedly. “I’m just…. I’m just happy for you.”
I snorted. “I just told you, I’m not-“
“I know,” she rushed quickly. “I know you’re not. But can’t I be happy for you anyway?”
“Whatever,” I laughed and then Sloane joined in.
Three coffees were set down in between us and I felt the presence of Ryder’s overwhelming body looming over me. He pushed the hot cups around the table, sorting out the different orders to their owners and then returned the smiles that Exie and Sloane were drowning him in.
“Ivy, scoot over. I’m taking my break with you guys,” Ryder commanded and this time I didn’t argue.
Well, I didn’t argue until I scooted over. “You’re so demanding,” I accused.
“What?” Ryder shrugged. “Isn’t that why you’re here tonight? To introduce me to your friends?”
I choked on a sip of hot macchiato and then set it down hard enough so that it splashed over the sides of the red ceramic cup. “Geez, cocky.”
He returned my snide comment with a proud smile and his eyebrows rose as if challenging me to contradict him. “Well, isn’t that why you’re here?”
“Psht. No,” I denied adamantly. I turned my focus to cleaning up the coffee spill with the thin napkins that sat on the table. “We were just thirsty. Don’t be so full of yourself.”
“Oh really? Then why assume we came here just for you?” I chanced a look at him, hiding half my face with my lifted shoulder. He stared met me straight on, his gunmetal gray eyes lit with amusement.
“Because you’re friends said that’s why you were here,” he answered as seriously as he could.
“My friends? What?” I gasped. “I don’t have any friends. At least not anymore….”
“Ives, we so did not say that’s why we were here,” Exie shook her head, blonde curls swinging wildly around her shoulders.
“Sloane?” I raised my eyebrow at her. She was more of a straight shooter and the moment her shoulders sagged I knew they outed me. Wenches.
“I think it was more like, we might have said…. um, how excited we were to finally meet him is all,” Sloane answered in a small voice.
“Finally?” I squeaked.
“What they said was that they had been waiting a very long time to meet me and couldn’t believe how much better looking I was in person,” Ryder corrected in a smug tone.
I shrunk into my seat, praying for an earthquake that would open the ground beneath my feet and swallow me whole. That was possible right? A freak earthquake and quick demise? Ugh.
“So how long have they been waiting to meet me, Ives?” Ryder asked in a softer tone, but none the less dangerous.
“Since yesterday morning,” I winced as the confession came out of my mouth. “Exie saw you yesterday when she dropped me off at school. So, obviously enough time for her to get worked up about meeting you.” I shoved sarcasm into each syllable as I spoke, but it was only a weak attempt to salvage what was left of my pride.
“Wow, yesterday morning, huh?” Ryder pressed, addressing me only. “You must have given her a pretty nice impression of me to get Exie so worked up.”
I peeked up at him, hating how he was lording this over me, but he was looking at Exie and sharing some kind of secret smile with her. Instead of mortification, jealously bloomed bright and fast inside my chest and soon my cheeks were painted red with the emotion. There was no end to how this boy affected me.
“I told her you had a girlfriend,” I snapped before I could stop myself.
Great now I sounded jealous too.
Ryder’s smile only grew. “I do have a girlfriend.” He turned his attention back to me and held my gaze this time. “So why are you and your friends here?”
I took a breath and tried to come up with an appropriate response, er… excuse, but the gray of his eyes had melted to silver and I couldn’t think straight. He tilted forward a little, closing some distance between us and waited for me to speak.
“For coffee,” I finally whispered after what felt like an eternity of silence.
“For coffee,” he echoed in a velvety voice.
More silence stretched out between us while we continued to stare each other down. We were bordering on inappropriate by now, but there was something about him that drew me in. He stared at me like an equal, like he could look away if he wanted. Like it was his choice to fall into this tractor beam between us.
And that terrified me. And then I felt like the worst person ever.
“I really like Kenna,” I announced and then sat up straighter.
I barely heard him. “I’ve never really had like a girl friend before….”
“Hey!” Exie and Sloane interrupted together.
So I amended my statement, “at school. I’ve never really had a girl friend at school before. But Kenna has been really, really nice.”
Ryder stared at me for another thirty seconds, his expression turning to quizzically annoyed. And then he swung around to look at my two friends who were also giving me the evil eye. “Exie, Sloane, it’s been…. fun. But I have to get back to work now. You ladies should come with Ivy Wednesday night. I’m in a band and we play the Slowdown for their smaller house shows. You’ll get a chance to meet Kenna, my girlfriend. You already know Ivy likes her, so I’m sure you both will too. Have a great night.”
He stood up and stalked around the corner and to the back room, ignoring his coworker as she tried to welcome him back from his shift. I shivered against the completely unnecessary words that still hung in the air over us. What was that all about? He had seemed polite to my friends, but there was a hardness to his tone that even I couldn’t ignore.
I took a quick breath and met the curious stares of my friends. “I don’t know what that was about,” I admitted before they could start the twenty questions. He was going to be back out here in second and I didn’t want to get caught in the middle of a discussion about him.
“Ivy are you still doing that concert thing?” Sloane gasped instead. Her eyes were pained and her mouth set in a grim line. “I thought you quit.”
“I quit because I was out of state,” I reminded her softly. “I’ve only been back once.”
“Because you’ve only been here for one Wednesday,” Exie lectured in a snippy voice.
“It’s not like that,” I said weakly. “I’m not like that.” When they both continued to stare hard at me I mashed my lips together, wetting them quickly and then launched into an explanation. “It’s my only thing. It’s the only thing that’s mine. And they won’t find out, I swear. I couldn’t…. I wouldn’t let them send me back, I swear.”
They were both oppressively quiet as they took in my explanation. Exie refused to meet my eyes, staring down at the napkin she was shredding apart in her delicate fingers. And Sloane was regarding me with her shrew eyes. She was hot in like the Sexy Secretary way and right now I could feel every ounce of her brain power as she tried to pick me apart.
“We’re not worried about them sending you back to Arizona, ok?” She reached out her hand and laid it gently on mine for just a brief moment before retracting it immediately.
“I know.” And I did know. If I was still a problem there was only one place I would go. And I was afraid I was already on my way. “I won’t get caught. I promise.”
“You won’t get caught because we’re coming with you,” Sloane decided with a smile.
“We are?” Exie’s face lit up and she was back to her bubbly self again. “Yay! A concert!”
Chapter Twenty
We stepped into the Slowdown just as the first band took the stage. The lead singer threw out a welcome and they launched into an amateur version of soulful blues. I smiled. This was perfection every single time. And even though I dressed to impress instead of my usual unimpressive emo digs, I felt great to be back here.
This place was like home base for me, safe, familiar, and so ear-spitting-loud. The far side of the room, where the main stage and pit were, remained blocked off with a thick curtain and the stage lights that lit the smaller stage were bright and blinding, hitting us as soon as we walked through the door. The bar area was packed but the rest of the floor stayed less filled out and felt a bit empty. I could feel Exie and Sloane assess the concert hall with skeptical eyes and almost laughed at their stiff posture.
The music was subpar, and the audience completely teenage grunge meets hipster chic. But that’s what I expected, hoped for. To put it simply, this was so not their scene. It probably shouldn’t have been mine either, except the anonymity of the place held that mysterious freedom I longed for.
“This is the place you’re always sneaking off to?” Exie asked in a horrified whisper.
“Hey, it could be so much worse. Have you ever been to the Sokol Underground?” I shuddered at the thought. While above ground, the Sokol had this old school twenties steampunk vibe to it, the Underground had devolved into something absolutely gross. Decades of spilled beer, sweat, blood and decay had worked the opposite of miracles on the below ground concert hall.