The Shadows
CHAPTER FIVE
She punched her pillows, tossed and turned, and finally conceded to grudgingly stare up at the skylight. How in the world could the man just nod off like that and sleep with everything going on? How did the male mind just go click, and turn off, and then once refreshed, merrily resume the problem solving anew in the morning? For her, things had to be settled, first. A clear path, a solution developed, then rest came from the release of worry.
Not to mention, hundreds of thoughts were attacking her brain. Curious questions like, why did the unexpected burst of energy make her so damned horny all of a sudden?Nobody had prepared her for all of that. Feeling like that clearly made no sense, given the fate of the world and what they were probably facing. Maybe Carlos was right . . . damn . . . maybe it was a boy, because she sure had something akin to a testosterone rush hitting her system real hard right about now.
Then, again, maybe she should just chill. For once in Carlos's life he was making perfect sense. They were supposed to keep the secret, according to the Neteru Councils. She had indeed been ill for weeks. Plus, what if something did happen . . . they'd both be devastated, and the last thing he needed was something else on his conscience to feel guilty about. Yeah . . . he was right this time. She needed to chill.Had to go to sleep. But, damn, he hadn't even looked at her sideways, let alone with any type of longing . . . not even before they found out about this new world crisis. That was definitely not Carlos.
But what if her carrying really did change the way he saw her? What if now that she was about to be a mother, he no longer found her sexy . . . like that would matter if the end of the world was at hand. She tried to make herself laugh, instead tears filled her eyes. Okay, she was tripping. It didn't matter. Besides, there was some prophecy out there that she hadn't asked Val about when she'd had the chance to and to do so now would tip her hand. She could ask Aset again, but the ancient Queens were being very cagey on the subject. Maybe it was bad news, that's why they didn't wanna say? Who knew?
Damali turned over on her side and spooned Carlos, bathing in the comforting warmth of his body heat. He stirred slightly and pulled her hand into his. It was an unconscious reaction, one developed over their years of sleeping together in the same bed.
She kissed his shoulder."You asleep?"
"Uhmmm-hmmm," he mumbled absently.
She curled in closer to him and kissed his shoulder again."You sure?"
"Uhmmm-hmmm," he murmured, but his breathing had changed. He was waking.
"Are you sure you're still attracted to me now?" she asked softly against his shoulder blade and then held her breath.
"Uhmmm-hmmm," he said in a low rumble. "Stop worrying and get some rest."
"What if after I have the baby, I don't snap back and my stomach and thighs get real heavy and my behindgets all . . . I don't know. Then, my breasts get all-"
"D . . . c'mon,go to sleep. I don't wanna talk about it right now."
"You can't even think about it, can you?" She swallowed hard, surprised to be tasting tears.
"No . . . I honestly can't," he said in a strained voice. "I can't allow myself to even go there, okay?"
"All right," she said in a dejected tone. "You were just being honest . . . straight no chaser . . . I just thought that you'd still find something about me that would be attractive if I got heavier."
"Help me, Father," he said quietly. "D-I cannot think about your behind, your thighs, or your breasts getting bigger right now because that'll give me the shakes. Can we just go to sleep and not discussanything remotely sexual for the next nine months? In fact, that word is banned from our vocabulary." He sat up and wiped his palms down his face. "Like, okay-let's talk about the end of the world. That's a real erection killer. Let's talk about potential demon portals . . . anything, baby, that is off the subject, all right?"
She peered at the tent his body made beneath the sheet and swallowed a smile. "I'm sorry . . . I just thought you weren't interested in me because we always, you know, have a crazy, go-for-broke moment before we go into a big battle . . . just in case one of us doesn't come back-or if one of us gets injured so badly we can't do that anymore. I just missed you. I'm not used to this new lifestyle."
"I miss you, too," he said, briefly touching her face but then pulling his hand away as though she'd burned him. "Don't ever think I don't, all right." Before she could answer, he turned away from her and slid down, pulling the sheet up over his shoulder. "Get some rest. The hormone concentrations in your blood are spiking and that's what's sending you all over the map . . . they'll level off."
"You can smell that?" She leaned over and kissed his earlobe. "Do you know how long it's been since you actually-"
He held up one finger and she bit her lip. He didn't turn around and his voice came out on a hard rasp."Stop."
"I'm sorry . . ."
"That's the other reason I don't need to be bothering you . . . you smell incredible. I don't wanna discuss it."
"I'm not angry, just tired."
"Then why do you sound so pissy? Like, no good night kiss?My bad. Sorry I woke you."
He turned slowly, looking over his shoulder, eyes blazing silver in the darkness and presenting full fangs. "If you don't cut it outI will mess around and accidentally bite you. If you keep on baiting me, I'm out. I'll switch shifts with somebody; will do whatever I have to do to keep myself occupied. But I need you to meet me halfway."
Her palm slid over his cheek. "All right, I'm sorry. Yes, I admit it, I was teasing you . . . because I really wanted you to wake up and change your mind."
"I know," he said quietly and then kissed the inside of her palm. "But I can't . . . not after six weeks."
"Not even a little bit?"
For a moment, he just looked at her. "I don't tell myself those kinds of lies anymore." He smiled and turned to fully kiss her."C'mon, D. If you just chill, let your mind drift, soon you'll go to sleep. Ask me how I know."
She deepened the kiss as she caressed the side of his face, loving how new beard stubble had begun to form on it. "I respect what you're telling me, you're making sense, I suppose . . . but damn."
"I know . . . damn." He swallowed hard and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.
She kissed his Adam's apple, making him inhale sharply through his nose. His warm palm slid down her arm and then covered her lower belly, resting there like a hot stone.
"In a little while, you'll be able to feel our kid move . . . and one night ain't worth potentially making you lose what we both dreamed of for so long."
His voice was so tender that hot tears quickly rose to her eyes again. "You're right," she said in a thick whisper. "I don't know why I'm being like this or even crazy enough to take the risk . . . maybe some of me is in denial. I'm even willing to admit to being hormonal-but will stab you if you ever throw that in my face." She chuckled sadly, and then wrapped her arms around herself and simply let the tears fall. "Maybe I wanted to just be the old us for a little while longer because I'm scared shitless about what's gonna happen the bigger I get and the more they come for me . . . if there's ever a day I can't draw my blade and back some demon SOB up.A major part of me is scared to feel the baby move, scared to get seriously pregnant, because if they do something once I know it's a baby-feel it, I'll die."
"Oh, damn," he whispered, gathering her into a hug and stroking her back. "I never knew you had all that going on in your head . . . I was just trying to G-up . . . be a solider about this thing. Wasn't looking at it like that." He began rocking her gently as she sniffed. "Was trying to deflect my basic instinct," he added, trying without success to make her smile.
They sat holding each other for a long time, just gently swaying.
"I ain't gonna let 'em take the baby-I swear, D."
"That's the other thing I'm scared of," she whispered against his chest. "If they come for you hard, like they will-the only other person on the planet other than you who can fight them as crazy as you would is me . . . and I'll be pregnant, not in top Neteru form. So, I'd have to choose between the love of my life and the love of my life, and I know you'd do something crazy like sacrifice yourself so that me and the baby could make it . . . but I'd just be existing if I survived. I wouldn't bemaking it at all. And I wouldn't want to hear about no prophecies, or why the angels came late, or the Kings and Queens couldn't do whatever. The darkside, if they get you, might as well cut out my heart . . . and if they get what I'm carrying, same thing."
She drew a deep, shuddering breath and looked up at him, tears streaming. "I've never had this much to lose in my life and I'm pretty fucked up right through here. I don't even know why I'm crying all over the place-I knew what was up going into this pregnancy. What the hell is wrong with me? Does being pregnant make you cry so much? I feel like I'm losing it . . . emotions going berserk. Ihate being out of control."
He took her mouth slowly, tasting her tears as he laid her back ever so gently. Kissing away the hot streaks of moisture from her butter-smooth cheeks, he finally rested his forehead against hers, his third eye wide open while his eyes were shut. Words caught in his throat and failed him as he kept his weight off her, but blanketed her with protective heat from his soul. Never had a confession been so profound, so filled with the angst he knew so well . . . so simple, so eloquently put . . . so beautifully painful. Her sweet surrender made his hands tremble as they grazed her supple skin.
From her lips to her chin, his mouth found the cleft in her throat. Brushing the delicate concave with a tender kiss, he adored how it fluttered as her shallow breaths staggered in and out of her lungs and then hesitated. He knew . . . she didn't have to tell him. Her breasts were heavy and sore. Her nipples had already begun to change and get larger, yet they also ached for attention. He could feel it, could sense it in her slight arch . . . could smell it as her swollen valley spilled liquid heat.
His gentle kiss against her heart begged her to trust him. In his soul he knew she did when she gathered all the trust she had in her fists while they slowly balled the sheets within them. He understood-goeasy but go,por favor . Her body was crying for release. She was his life-giver, his cup that runneth over, more than his rib . . . his vital organ, hisheart, that blessed vessel that he'd never handle roughly until her contents were pushed into the world healthy and whole.
"Coraz�n . . . te amo."For a moment he had to rest his head against her stomach and simply breathe with his eyes closed.
Gently lifting his old T-shirt from her torso, he stared down at her beauty, making sure the rough cotton texture didn't irritate the overly sensitive skin beneath it. Her breasts bounced free and for what felt like endless seconds he took in every detail of change in their contour, how the areolas were slightly darker and wider . . . the lobes heavier. A rose tinge of irritation had spread along their underside. He ran his tongue over his incisors, sending them back up into his skull with a wince. Her light breaths quickened as he lowered his mouth to softly bring the tip of his tongue against the tight peaks.
Flesh against flesh contact released her trapped gasp; a soundless whistle of cool air over the angry surfaces produced her moan. A soft, sliding kiss down her torso caused her hard arch that sent a shudder through him. He hesitated, his will bending for a moment.
He shook his head as he pulled her cut-off sweatpants over her hips and down her calves. "I can't." He stopped her pending argument by gently spreading her thighs and looking at her. He wanted to ride her so hard right now that he dared not chance it. She took a deep breath to begin her protest but his French kiss against her wetness transformed it into a seizing gasp.
The difference in her scent and the new density of her love essence made his eyes cross beneath his lids. Everything about her was becomingmore lush , more sensual, thicker, more earthy. The new taste of her and her surprising texture drew a deep moan from inside his chest. Just a little bit . . . no, he couldn't chance it. Her bud was engorged, had become a meaty grape beneath his slow figure-eight attention to it, and yet she was straining, her mind single-focused. Just a little bit . . . he was dryhumping sheets and mattress. Just a little bit . . . he was losing his mind.
Contractions suckled at his tongue as her hips lifted and dipped, trying to capture his fingers and tongue, her voice a low, raw moan of frustration . . . but nothing needed to enter her, he refused to chance it. Refused to givehimself permission to even think about it, regardless of the agony clawing at his scrotum.
Hands under her backside, then holding her hips, he devoured her completely until her voice hit the ceiling. Breathing hard, he stayed with her through the rough tide, hugging her torso until the shattering orgasm ended, and then slowly kissed up her belly, briefly took her mouth, and rolled onto his back panting.
She drew against him like he knew she would and he clenched his jaw so hard that he almost sent his fangs through his bottom lip. She moved to blanket him and all he could do was shake his head. Her body was used to him following through. He could feel her craving him, demanding that their standard not be violated with every slick pelvic rock of temptation. He held her hips firmly, considered insanity for a few seconds, and then breathed out the word, "No." She stopped struggling and kissed down hischest, capturing one of his nipples and making tears fill his eyes.
"I want to return the favor," she whispered, but he grabbed her by her shoulders, halting her slow descent down his body.
"You can't . . . or shouldn't," he said quietly. "Not right now. I'm too . . . justdon't ."
She cradled his face and he closed his eyes. "Why, baby?" she whispered. "You're not contagious, you haven't-"
"Last time I was supposed to be okay. Everybody thought they'd got whatever, that I was cool, but I was carrying around tainted seed from the Chairman's throne . . . shit. I was fucking possessed."
He sat up abruptly with his eyes closed and dropped his head back. "I don't want anything fucked up anywhere near you, understood? I'm not playing around this time, not pushing the edge of the envelope! This thing we've kicked off down there, this time, D, is much worse than fighting Dante, fucking with Cain, or even going up against Lilith-and Padre Lopez told me out of his own mouth that I'm still connected to them. That's how the Light is gonna use me. So, I'm really stressed right now, you gotta give me some space so I can deal."
"All right," she said gently, cupping his cheek with one hand. "I'm hearing you, okay?"
He nodded and winced, keeping his eyes tightly shut.
"But I don't want to leave you like this," she said quietly. "It's just not right . . . how can I do that as your wife? Had I really understood what you were trying to-"
"I'll be cool, just gotta leave it alone and it'll go down, okay."
The pain in his expression made her chew her bottom lip for a moment. "I could-"
"You'll catch a bicep cramp. Ask me how I know . . . go to sleep."
"Oh . . . baby."
"It's cool.For real. I just wanted you to get yours, ya know." He opened his eyes and his voice fractured as he spoke. "Sometimes, woman, I don't know what to do to show you how much I care about you."
"You trust me?"
He looked at her."Absolutely not."
They both chuckled, temporarily relieving the tension, and he finally conceded to a kiss.
"I understand what you're worried about and I promise I won't do anything dangerous," she murmured into his ear and then allowed her hand to slide against his stomach. "Lie back."
"D . . . I'm weak, okay," he said, falling back onto his elbows. "I admit it."
"Baby . . ."
"I know," she murmured before deepening the kiss, grasping him around his base, and then slowly beginning to stroke him. "It hurts like hell."
His hands sought her hair and his kiss became brutal. He pulled away from her mouth with a sharp gasp, his irises solid silver as her rhythm increased, her hand gliding over his love-slicked contours, honoring veins and upthrusts.
"I know what you want to do . . . same thing I want to do . . . wanna get it so good that my wings come out . . . wanna knock my head back and drop all in my jugular on the down-stroke. It's been so long, all you want is a little bit."
"Oh, God . . . 'Mali . . . you just don't know."
He turned his head away quickly as though she'd slapped him. She knew he was beyond trusting himself not to grab her, so she knocked his head back and bit him hard over his tattoo. His arch lifted them both off the bed and his deep moan ran all through her as he clutched her back, his thrusts now frenzied against her slippery palm.
"Let it go, baby . . . you ain't gotta hold it no more," she crooned against his tattoo as she released her wings. "I got mine; you took good care of me,papi.Te amo. You always take good care of me."
This time when she bit him, he held her so tightly he almost fractured a wing. His voice rent the air in halting, agonized jags just like the convulsions that spent him. She rode it out with him, suckling his tattoo, keeping pace with his upthrusts, her breaths synched with his, her vocal register raw from talking trash in hard pants for him. But she wouldn't let him go until seed crept over her fist like molten lava in a thick, white emulsion.
Dazed for a moment, and then panicked, he let her go and struggled to sit up, trying to peer around her wings. But she held him tightly and gazed into his eyes.
"It's normal," she murmured, her eyes sliding shut as she inhaled deeply. "I don't even have to look."
Just seeing her do that with the expression she had on her face sent another hard contraction through his cock, making it bounce in her fist.
"Told you you'd get a bicep cramp," he said in anembarrassed chuckle.
"That's because you didn't have all the special effects when you did it alone," she said with a sly smile, kissing him slowly and coming away with his bottom lip between her teeth. She let it go bit by bit and pulled back to allow her gaze to search his face. "Didn't have the audio to go with the visual . . . and the skin-on-skin, or the sense-around-shudders, or the sex-scent bank . . . or the body double," she added, nipping his jugular sweet spot. "Or the body heat to go with it."
"Youain't never lied," he murmured, breathing through his mouth as she stroked him slowly, using his own seed as a lubricant.
"You need to go again?" she whispered into his ear.
"You?" he murmured, nipping her neck.
"Uh-huh. . . ."
"Thought so."His voice was a low, subsonic rumble."Me, too. Damn, girl, I missed you."
She released her hold on him and flopped onto her back. He covered her in a searing slide and took her mouth prisoner until he'd devastated it.
"But, I still don't think we should . . . at least not yet." He was panting hard, thrusting against her love-slicked thigh, grip tightening, fangs dropping. "You've gotta be strong, all right . . . 'cause, shit . . ."
"All right," she whispered, wrapping her legs around his waist, "but it's gonna be along almost year."
Henodded, sweat rolling from his forehead, down the bridge of his nose and coursing down his temples. "I know," he murmured against her hairline, "the only way I'll be able to hang on is if you talk me through it."