The Tied Man

As fireworks started to explode in front of my eyes, the kicking came to a halt.  I vaguely recalled the voice as belonging to Noah, Nat, whatever the hell he was meant to be called.  I held my breath.  If he expressed anything even approaching mild concern right now, we were both done for.  He was a guest at Albermarle, so this kind of thing should be properly floating his boat; he needed to let Coyle finish his game, or even better, ask nicely if he could join in.

‘Whassat?’ Coyle slurred.

‘I just wondered if you should be doing that,’ said the boy who came from the place where people didn’t get their heads stoved in for a bit of a laugh.

‘And it’s your fuckin’ business because…?’  Not a hint of Coyle’s usual arse-licking towards guests; he was well and truly off on one.

‘Well, if people are going to be putting in a bid, it’s hardly going to make top-dollar if it’s got no face left, is it?’

I tensed, waiting for the next impact.  Instead, there was silence except Coyle’s laboured, grunting breath.  Finally, to my amazement, he laughed.  ‘’It’.  Hear that, fag?  He called you ‘It’. Only been here five fuckin’ minutes and he’s got your measure. ‘It’. Fuckin’ love it!’  And with that, the storm passed as quickly as it had begun.  ‘Right, let’s get the party started, shall we?’

A hand roughly grabbed my cuffs.

‘Er, before you go, you’ve got a bit of a nosebleed going on there, mate – messed up your shirt a bit,’ Nat said. ‘Might be a good idea to change it before you go in there?’

Coyle let me fall again.  ‘Aww, shite.  See what you’ve made me do now, fag?  Look, could you keep an eye on him for a minute while I go and grab a clean one?’

The mad bastard’s blood pressure must have been through the ceiling if the excitement had brought on a bleed.  It was a pity he hadn’t gone the whole hog and given himself a coronary, but the night was still young.  His heavy, shuffling footfall receded, and I heard Nat exhale.  ‘Je-sus, I’ve never seen anything like that in my life!  You all right, man?’  He pushed the blindfold onto my forehead and I winced at the sudden light.

I could see two of everything, including Nat’s concerned face just inches from mine.  ‘I’ll live.  Just give me a minute, yeah?’  I inhaled tentatively.  Nothing broken, just a new set of bruises.

‘God, I’m so sorry.  If I could have done something more…  but Lilith said, well basically, she told me if I saw anything I had to act cool, but the big man there looked like he was a bit…’

‘Psycho?’

‘Well, yeah.’

‘Roids.  He’s goin’ over the top.  The next couple of hours, just look after Lilith for me, will you?  I’d do it myself, but I’m a bit tied up right now.’  It was hardly going to get me a career in comedy, but Nat managed a weak smile.

‘I’ll do all I can.  I promise.’

‘Good man.’  I rolled onto my knees, ready to scramble to my feet with my hands behind my back.  My right knee gave way and I fought against puking from the pain as I hit the floor.  I managed to limit my reaction to a fairly restrained yelp, but I was going nowhere fast.

‘Oh, that does not look good.’  Nat crouched next to me.  ‘Here.  Let me give you a hand…’  He reached for my arm and I flinched back.  I was trying to figure out how to tell him why I’d reacted like a tosser when he pulled his hand away.   ‘Shit.  Sorry.  Again.  Right, let’s give this another go, shall we?  If you’ll let me, I’m going to put my hands under your elbows.  Then you can use your arms and your good leg to get upright. That okay?’

I wondered just how much Lilith had managed to tell him in their brief phonecall.  In truth, I didn’t have much choice if I wanted to hobble, rather than crawl, to Blaine’s birthday party.  I nodded, and Nat took my arms in a steady grip.

Considering he was essentially handling a hogtied gimp, he managed the operation with a hell of a lot more dignity than it deserved, but even with Nat’s support it felt as though someone had lit a bonfire behind my kneecap.  By the time I was vertical again I was sweating like a nonce in a playpark.   I managed a ‘Cheers’ through gritted teeth.

‘No problem, mate.  And well done.  That must have hurt like hell.’

‘Something like.’