The Tied Man

‘Bury him.  Do anything you can to destroy whatever remains of that pathetic, parasitic inbred’s existence.’  I jabbed a finger at the screen.  ‘I want that sending to the editor of the Herald, the secretary of his gentlemen’s club and the Archbishop of bloody Canterbury if you can find his email address.’

‘Don’t hold back now,’ Finn said.

‘Okie-doke.’ Nat began to type. ‘The tabloids are going to have a field day with this one – you know that, don’t you?’

‘Well I’ll just have to weather the storm, won’t I?  If it finishes that spineless little shit, it’s worth it,’ I said.  ‘And anyway, I shouldn’t get too much hassle from them once we’re home, thanks to Benedicta.’

‘The landlady of our favourite bar.  She’s kind of protective of Lilith,’ Nat explained. ‘She pulled her dad’s old civil war Mauser on the last pap who came sniffing around.  It was a pretty effective deterrent.’

‘I can well imagine it was,’ Finn said.

Just then, a decidedly crumpled Gabriel returned to the study, clearly ready to crash.   He stared at the screen and shuddered.  ‘Holy fuck, who the hell’s that perv?’

‘Daddy,’ I said.

Gabriel slapped a hand to his mouth. ‘Oh.  God, sorry.’

‘Don’t worry about it – I’d say ‘Perv’ is spot on.  So, did you met any restless spirits?’

‘No, but I’ve been keeping my eyes tightly shut, just in case,’ he yawned, all trace of his Mockney accent long gone.  ‘Henry said he’d do an hour or so by himself if I wanted a break, then I’ll take over when he does the bacon sandwiches.’  He collapsed onto the divan.  ‘Seriously, Lilith, I didn’t know what the fuck to think when we got here, other than you were in some kind of trouble, but I tell you what, this place – it’s really freaking me now.  Me and a couple of the guys from the band, we’ve had a few nights at…’ he cast a quick glance at Finn.  ‘Well, you can probably guess.  And it was okay at the time, you know?  We had a bit of a laugh, the girls were pretty amazing, but this?’ He pulled his hands through his hair.  ‘It’s just wrong, isn’t it?  Evil.’  He gave a shudder.  ‘I can promise you, from this day forth I’m a changed hedonist.’

‘Oh yeah?   And what do you think now, then?’ Finn asked.

‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously.’

‘Well for a start, you, my delightful Irish friend, terrify me,’ Gabriel said, and pulled the blanket over his head like a shawl. ‘You look like you’ve just stepped off the catwalk,  you’ve got the stare of a serial killer, and you’re clearly one of the hardest bastards I’ve ever met.  Basically, I’m terribly keen to ensure that I’m never on your wrong side for the remainder of my existence – will that do you for now, you fucking sociopath?’

There was silence as Finn considered Gabriel’s statement, then he gave a tired grin. ‘Aye, you posh twat.  That’ll do.’  He turned to me.  ‘Lili, would you do us a favour, and pass Little Lord Fauntleroy here the sherry, would you?  He looks like he needs it.’

*****

At ten to six in the morning, Gabriel was sound asleep on the hearthrug and Finn and I were dozing against each other on the divan when Nat stood up and stretched, exposing a couple of inches of tanned belly as his sweatshirt slid up his lanky frame.  ‘Well, that’s my bit done, people.  As of now, there’s a whole bunch of dudes whose lives have just been flushed down the pan of creation.’

‘Excellent news.  So, what now, genius?’ I asked.

‘We wait.  Ed’s holed up with his techie guy in a B and B just down the road, and  I imagine he’ll stay put until he’s had a chance to check through the files I’ve just sent him before he heads over here.’  He looked at his watch.  ‘We’ve got about forty minutes, I guess.’

As if on cue, the phone rang, and Nat picked it up.  ‘Hi, Ed.’  He paused and nodded.  ‘Sure.  Cheers for that.  Yup, will do.  See you soon.’  He put the handset back on the cradle and turned to us.  ‘Make that an hour – apparently the snow’s made the roads absolute hell.  And he says to have the kettle on.’  He nudged Gabriel gently with the tip of his toe.  ‘Come on, megastar, rise and shine; we’d better be keeping an ear open for guests beginning to wake up.  And what was that you were saying about a bacon sandwich?’