The Tied Man

‘Looks worse than it feels,’ Finn replied, which was no answer at all.  He leaned across the table to take another cigarette from its battered pack.

Under the angry grid of most recent marks, I could see a fainter web of silver-white lines across the man’s back and shoulders.  I traced one with my finger.  ‘These are older.’

‘A few months, maybe,’ came the lie.  It would take years for a scar to fade to this translucent memory.  ‘Anyway, I don’t know why you’re down here wasting time playing Florence fucking Nightingale.  If I were you I’d be packing my kit – if you’re not swayed by flaying me alive, she’ll be busy finding another way to keep you on the island.’

‘She already has.’  I finally sat down.  ‘May I?’ I asked, taking a cigarette without waiting for a reply.

‘Feel free.’ Finn took the lighter from me when my trembling fingers failed to make it work.  ‘I thought your body was a temple.’ 

‘Not this morning, it isn’t.’

‘You could tell us if you wanted to.’ Henry joined us at the table and pouring me another inch of brandy.  ‘You don’t have to.  I mean, if it’s personal – ’

‘Daniel.  My half-brother.  He’s ten.  Autistic.  Goes to a residential school in Wales.  They’re working miracles with him.’  I drained my mug again.  ‘She showed me school photographs, reports, everything.  Even some bloody memo from his teacher to the head about packed lunches for a school trip.  Apparently she could reach him at a moment’s notice.  I assume she’s telling the truth?’

‘No, no, I’m sure…’ Henry began, but Finn silenced him with a raised hand.

‘Yes, she’s telling the truth, and yes, she could – has – done it.’  He pulled the last cigarette from its pack and lit it, curling his tongue around the blue smoke.  ‘She’ll have built in contingency for you saying ‘no’ right from the start.’

I murdered the last of the brandy.  ‘So if she planned on me refusing your initial offer, why send you in the first place?’

Finn drew hard on his cigarette.  ‘Because she hoped it would get you in the mood to want to smack the living shit out of me.  And because she gets off on fucking with my head.’

It sounded so wantonly cruel that I looked to Henry for confirmation.

‘I wouldn’t say it quite so crudely, but yes, that’s about right.’

‘And it blurs the boundaries, doesn’t it?’  Finn added.  ‘Means I stand bugger-all chance of working out what’s truth and what’s the latest twisted fantasy.  Keeps me in my place.’

‘Your place.’

‘Yeah.  You know, the one you so accurately guessed yesterday afternoon. The ‘nasty piece of smackhead rough-trade that got lucky’ place.’

‘You worked the streets?’

Finn nodded.  ‘Phoenix Park and thereabouts.  First time when I was fifteen, last time the day before I made it to this paradise.  The only job I’ve ever had.’  He gave me a bitter, defiant glance.  ‘So I’ll understand if you don’t want to share a toothbrush.’

‘Well that would be a little hypocritical of me, don’t you think?’  I asked, gearing up for what was about to come.

‘What, you’re going to tell me you were a fuckin’ whore?’

‘No.  But my mother was.’

Finn

‘Yeah, right she was,’ I laughed, until I saw Henry making frantic gestures behind Lilith’s back.  ‘Sweet Jesus, you’re serious?’  I had never detested my enforced ignorance more.  I recalled yesterday’s pass in light of Lilith’s revelation and inwardly cringed.  ‘Henry, you miserable little fucker.  You’ll have known would you?’

Henry nodded sadly.  ‘I’m sorry, Finn, really I am.  It’s just that –’

‘Yeah, okay, I know.  Can’t have Mother distressed now, can we?’  I turned to Lilith.  ‘Look, I know it makes no bloody difference at all now, but  I’m sorry for yesterday – if I’d known…’

‘But you didn’t know, did you?  And from what I can gather, that was all part of whatever sick game I’ve just had the great misfortune to stumble across.  So if this is the time for apologies, will you accept mine for my anger?’

Apart from Henry’s constant twittering remorse for everything he did, I couldn’t recall the last time anyone had apologised to me, and Lilith held out her hand in a gesture of reconciliation.  Of levelling.  We shook.