Tirade (Heven and Hell #3)(68)
Author: Cambria Hebert

“I want to make it up to her, everything I’ve done.”

I didn’t think he needed to, but sometimes it was the best way to get past something. To admit and apologize. “You know, I have something I need to make a mends for too,” I said, my thoughts turning a bit dark.

“What is it?”

“You think I’m going to share all my secrets with you in one night? Get real!”

“Do you have time for a beat down on the Xbox before you go?”

“A beat down? Them’s fighting words, bro.”

He laughed and pulled out the controllers and hurried to turn on the game. When it started, he began coughing, deep, hacking coughs that made my throat ache. He grabbed a tissue by the TV and wiped his nose and the tissue came away red. He quickly tucked the red part under and glanced to see if I saw. I said nothing, pretending to watch the game.

“You okay?” I asked causally.

“Sure, I just cough sometimes.”

He began playing again and I let him, but in the back of my mind I was worrying.

Heven

What if I wasn’t enough? The thought pounded through Gemma’s mind, through her body, like blood pumping through veins. She was scared, more scared than I thought a warrior like her could ever be.

Her feelings were so strong and so overwhelming that I almost pulled back. Gemma was clearly a woman who felt things with great intensity. It was something I never would have believed about her, but I couldn’t refute it now because it was taking over me. Wasn’t doing this to her a betrayal? She went to great lengths to conceal her true feeling to us all and I was completely disregarding whatever her reasons for doing so.

But then Gemma looked at him.

Still and pale, lifeless and cold.

He was lying in the bed and the only light in the room was from the full moon, which shone brightly through the open windows. Even in the dim lighting I could make out everything. Gemma’s eyesight must be like a cat’s. Clearly, I was seeing the night Gemma pulled Cole out of hell, the night Beelzebub hurt him just to make me watch.

I’m not going to be enough. He’s going to die and I’m going to lose him. Gemma stood over my brother’s injured body and I felt the cool tear slide down her cheek. He was shirtless with a white sheet pulled to his waist. The dagger that had been buried in his stomach was gone and the wound was closed. It was raised and red, but it wasn’t gaping and bleeding like I imagined. There were angry bite marks along his arms and shoulders and I could see the edge of one that wrapped around the back of his neck. His ribs were purple and swollen as well and I struggled to think of how that injury might have happened. But my thoughts were fleeting as Gemma’s took over.

She kneeled beside the bed and lifted her hands to hover over his body. She took a deep, steadying breath and tried to gather as much energy as she could and will it through her arms and into her palms. Please be enough, she thought. I felt the warmth flow through her body, her strength push outward toward my brother. The feeling was incredible. It was like a whirlpool inside me that flowed out through my hands and wrapped around Cole’s body. The heat was intense, but it wasn’t burning. It was healing and soft.

Gemma’s energy began to fade away and her hands began to shake, but still she gave. She reached down into herself and found the last of her energy and sent it out over him. Finally, her hands fell to the mattress and she lifted her head to see if what she had done worked.

This hadn’t been the first time tonight she had healed him. The first had been when she pulled him through the portal. Then he had gone running back to the fountain, trying to get to me, and broke his ribs.

Gemma inspected his body where the injuries were and she was satisfied to see the dagger wound even smaller and less red than before. The bite marks on his arms were still there, but they no longer oozed and looked painful. The bruises on his ribs were gone and his skin was smooth and pale once again. She frowned. He was still too pale and he was still unconscious.

She stood and went to her bag, which lay on the floor near the window, to pull out a jar of salve. She sat it next to a bowl of steaming water on the nightstand and picked up the already dampened rag. Once it was rung out, she used it to wipe his brow and face. Slowly, gently she moved down to his arms and neck, paying close attention to his wounds. When she was finished she replaced the rag and began smoothing the salve over the demon bites. She knew the healings had worked and he wouldn’t be in pain, but this eased her ache. It was something she could do while waiting for the turmoil inside her chest to release the death grip it had on her heart.

She’d almost lost him tonight. He was angry with her for pulling him out of hell like that. He had screamed at her when they were free. In his fit of anger, he’d asked her why she bothered to pull him out. Why not just let him die so they would both be free?

The thought of him dying was like a knife to her heart. She loved him. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone, including Callum. And that was what was so scary. She had given up everything for Callum—her home, her friends, her purpose in life… her beautiful white wings. And now she had nothing left to give.

Callum had taken it all and then died… died because he made a deal he couldn’t get out of.

What did she have left to offer Cole?

She knew he was hurting and she was the cause. What choice did she have? If she told him how she really felt then she would be taking everything from him too. At first, she was relieved he was a Supernal Being. It meant he had an advantage over being just a human. It meant maybe they had a chance at real, lasting love, that even after he died they could still be together. For one perfect moment she actually felt happy.

But then she remembered.

If she were to become involved with Cole, she would be putting his soul in danger. She would be gambling with his eternal life.

As a Supernal Being, he would keep his body forever, even after he died, but he would live in heaven. A place she was no longer welcome. Cole could be punished, stripped of his status—of his body—when he went to heaven. As a fallen angel, she was tainted… and Cole loving someone who was tossed out of heaven would taint him too.

She should have left before it got this far, but she couldn’t do that either. Before she met Cole, she gave her word to me and Sam. I reminded her so much of herself, of who she used to be. I was so in love and didn’t care about what it cost me. I was a strong girl. Even when I thought I was weak, I wasn’t. My path had been set, but I veered and instead of accepting that I might be compromised, I changed my direction. I made up my mind to change what I could from the place I was in.