To Hate Adam Connor

“I’m sorry, Jameson, but that’s not the reason I called. I-I-I…I’m going to call you back.”

I ended the call and dropped my head back on the headrest.

“What are you doing?” Olive asked.

I turned the radio on, thinking maybe some music would help quiet my mind.

Olive turned it off. “What’s going on?”

“Do I have to tell him? I mean now? Do I have to tell him now? We are about to enter the doctor’s office. Can’t we call him after we get the results?”

Somehow Olive was much calmer than I was; usually it was the other way around.

She grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Breathe, Lucy.”

I took a deep breath.

“Do you want to be the wind today?”

I smiled.

“What will you be? A bird flying with me?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“You’d be a cute bird. Being the wind, I’ll knock you down, and Jason can come and rescue you then you can have bird sex and—”

“Again. Breathe, Lucy.”

I exhaled.

“Oh, God, Olive,” I groaned and looked at her understanding eyes. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. You did nothing. It just happened. And that’s okay. It’ll be okay. Whatever the results are, you got this. So we’ll have a baby. It’ll be the luckiest kid to have you as a mother, and she or he will have a kickass aunt.”

“I really don’t think so. The curse should’ve ended with me. Now—”

“Now, nothing. You’re not cursed, Lucy.” Another squeeze around my hand. “Call him back. Tell him what’s going on and then that’s it. We’ll walk out of the car and go into the doctor’s office together. Just one step at a time.”

She was right. I knew she was right and there was no point of freaking out, but then why was my heart beating in my stomach? Is that the baby?

“Okay, I’m freaking out,” I pointed out the obvious.

“Do you want me to tell him?”

“No. No.” I took a few deep breaths and called Jameson back.

“Lucy? Are you okay?”

It didn’t escape my notice—or Olive’s—that he hadn’t called me back as soon as I’d ended the call. If he missed me like he kept saying, wouldn’t he have called back? Jason would’ve called Olive back in a heartbeat just to make sure she was okay. So Jameson was my mistake.

“I’m sorry,” I said into the phone. “I’m sorry, I freaked out.”

His tone was sharper when he demanded to know what was going on.

I gave him the news as straight as I could. “I thought you’d want to know,” I began. “I took a pregnancy test.” Complete silence. I closed my eyes. “It was positive, but they are not always accurate, so I have an appointment with a doctor in a few minutes and I’ll let you know what I learn from those results.”

Still complete silence.

“Jameson? Are you there?”

I glanced at Olive and saw that she was biting her lip, anxiously waiting for Jameson to say something. Anything. She raised her eyebrows. I brought the phone closer to my lips. “James—”

“Yes. Yes. I’m here. I’m sorry. So you’re pregnant. With a baby. My baby to be specific. I wasn’t expecting that.”

I chose to believe he wasn’t trying to imply that the baby might not be his. “Yeah. Me neither.”

“You were on the pill.” There was no accusation in his tone.

“I was.”

“Wow. Lucy…wow.”

The corner of my mouth tipped up, and I touched my stomach. “Yeah.”

“What will you do? What did you decide to do? With the baby, I mean.”

Nice, I thought. Very nice. That pretty much wiped the smile off my face. A quick look at Olive and I saw she was seconds away from speaking up.

“Right,” I said quickly. “I’ll let you know after the results. I have to go now. Goodbye, Jameson.”

“The bastard,” Olive spat out as soon as I’d ended the call.

“Can’t say I don’t agree.”

“I didn’t think I could hate him any more. Give me the phone, I’m gonna call him back.”

I held my phone tighter in my hand and moved it away from Olive. “And do what exactly?” I shook my head and undid my seat belt. “Let’s just go up and…and…go pee in a cup or whatever.”

“I decided that when I’m writing your story, I’m going to kill Jameson. I’m going to make you marry Adam Connor and then kill Jameson off.”

I patted her arm. “That’s the spirit.”

Chapter Nineteen

Adam

Our trip to Paris changed nothing. Every year, we took Aiden with us, despite Adeline’s objections, and every year I asked the same questions, scared out of my mind that the answers would change. Other than the fact that Adeline hadn’t joined us on our trip, nothing had changed. Not the answers. Not the city. Not the people in it. Not anything.

“Daddy? Can I go see my friend first? I know they missed me.”

“You just talked to Henry a few hours ago, Aiden. I’m sure he’ll manage for a day until you see him in class.”

“But it’s not just Henry or Isabel.”

Isabel, right. How could I have forgotten about Isabel?

“You FaceTimed Isabel just yesterday, I believe.”

“Yes, but it’s not just them. I have more friends, you know. What about Lucy? What about Olive? Even Jason must’ve missed me. We were gone for days. Tell him Dan.”

I met Dan’s eyes in the rearview mirror, and he shook his head.

“Tell him,” Aiden pressed.

“I’m sure they missed you, buddy.”

“See, Daddy? Even Dan missed me when he didn’t see me for a whole day. Dan got to see me, we should let them see me too.”

“Aren’t you forgetting someone else?”

He looked at me silently, eyes still begging.

“Your mom? She missed you too, buddy.”

“She did?”

Such an innocent question.

I caught Dan’s eyes again as he took a left turn, getting closer to Adeline’s house.

“Of course, little man,” I replied to Aiden.

He nodded solemnly and turned his head to look outside, hugging his iPad to his chest.

“I’ll stay with Aiden,” Dan interrupted my bleak thoughts. “You take the car and go to your meeting with the agent. I’ll drive Adeline wherever she wants to go in her car.”

“Thank you. I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.”

“When will you come back to take me?” Aiden asked, his fingers swiping the screen of his iPad even though the thing was out of battery.

I ruffled his hair. “Your mom gets to have you for one week, buddy, remember? Then I’ll come and take you home.”

Nothing but a quick nod.

Everything was set in motion, but it would take time to get full custody, which was why I had to adhere to the rules we had set before, after the divorce. Until it happened, until Aiden stayed with me full time, I’d come and check on him more often. If that meant I had to come face to face with Adeline more, or share a dinner or two in that timeframe, I’d be okay with that.

After dropping Aiden and Dan off at Adeline’s and watching her give Aiden a quick hug, for the life of me I couldn’t understand how she couldn’t bond with him like a mother was supposed to bond with their kid. At the time she had wanted him more than I did. She fought for him more than I did. He was the perfect boy.