To Hate Adam Connor

Reaching Jason’s side, she yelled back, “See? You already know the right questions to ask. Just talk to them, okay? I’ll call you when we land.” With those last words, she hopped into the car.

“I don’t like your wife very much right now,” I grumbled loudly enough so Jason could hear. His eyes found mine, and he smiled.

He glanced into the car then looked back at me with a bigger smile on his lips. “She says she loves you, too.”

I rolled my eyes and waved at Jason, ready to get back inside.

“Lucy?” Jason called out.

“Yes?” I answered, peeking behind the door.

“Take care of yourself, okay? Call Tom if you need anything at all.”

“Aw, you love me too.” I pressed my hands against my heart and sighed, dramatically. “I knew you secretly wanted to adopt me. I’m the daughter you never knew you wanted, aren’t I?” I asked, batting my eyelashes.

Jason just shook his head before hopping in next to Olive.

***

The days following Olive’s departure to London passed as you would expect them to: fairly uneventfully.

The number of job interviews I’d had: two.

The number of phone calls I’d gotten from Olive: countless.

The number of phone calls I’d gotten from my grandma, Catherine: three.

And let me tell you, that was three phone calls more than I wanted. As much as I wished I could, I couldn’t avoid her for eternity, but I did put off talking to her as much as I could.

And, umm…the number of ladder climbs I’d done in the first few days after Olive left…well…that would be eight. By day three, I’d climbed that ladder a total of eight times. No eye rolling, please. What would you have done? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be curious. There is no fucking way you’d shrug and say whatever, I’ll just pretend he doesn’t exist—not if the next-door neighbor was Adam Connor.

Anyway. I didn’t see the guy until the fourth day anyway, so you can hold off on the judging.

I had just ventured outside, a pretty coffee mug in one hand and a printed copy of one of the offers Olive had gotten from one of the big five publishers in the other when I heard the unmistakable sound of a child’s giggle. Obviously, I had to drop everything and go investigate, because that’s what good housesitters do. What if it wasn’t a kid’s giggle but thieves I’d heard? Things like that totally happen all the time, and since I’m a good friend, I looked into it. Obviously my only intention was to protect my best friend’s house.

I tried to be as quiet as possible when I neared the wall and started climbing up. Raising my head just enough so I could see what was going on on the other side, I spotted my prey just stepping out into the backyard.

“Holy mother of…”

Trying not to lose my balance, I reached for my phone—which I had of course concealed in my bra—found Olive’s name, and hit dial.

“Hello?”

“I’m in love,” I admitted in a rush.

“That was quick. I thought you were never saying those words to another man again.”

“This one can have anything and everything he wants from me.”

“Who’s the lucky guy? And did you have to find him when I wasn’t there to approve?”

I ignored her question and instead said, “I have a question for Jason. Could you please be so kind as to relay it to him?”

In an amused tone, she said, “I’ll try. Hit me.”

“Where do they breed these Hollywood people? Like, is there a farm we can visit to pick out the ones we like best? I would just like to have a look-see. If there is a place like that and you’ve been keeping it from me…I’m not sure I can be your friend anymore.”

Olive laughed. “I’m not aware of its existence, but I’ll ask for you. Did you have someone in mind?”

“Yes, actually. How nice of you to ask, my beautiful and smart friend. And before you get mad at me, just look at this,” I said before quickly taking a shot of what was happening in front of my eyes.

“What? What did you do, Lucy?”

“Nothing. Have a little faith in your friend. Just sent you a pic. Open it.”

“Okay. Give me a sec.”

I lowered the phone and kept my eyes on the duo in front of me. Oh, you wanna know what I was seeing, too?

I was looking at a half-naked Adam Connor. He had these loose shorts on that sat dangerously low, and he was showing me those impressive arm and shoulder muscles as he did pushups with a giggling kid sitting on his back. It was a private show just for me.

How considerate of him, I know.

“I might’ve just drooled a little bit. My God, those arms,” I groaned.

“What are you even talking about?” Olive asked. “I’m trying to open the picture—shit.”

“I zoomed in on those muscles. You can thank me later.”

“Lucy…” She sighed.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be up there.”

“Not without you, you mean.”

There was a short silence, then she said, “Yes, and that is only because best friends don’t let you do stupid things alone.”

“Riiiight. I’ll let you stick with that.”

The kid hopped off his back and screamed, “You did it, Daddy!” He clapped his hands excitedly. His daddy had definitely done something to my panties, all right. Adam Connor, that mountain of a man, got up off the ground and smiled down at his kid, ruffling his hair. The kid jumped up and they high-fived, then he said something to his hot-as-fuck dad and ran inside. Leaning down, Adam grabbed a towel from one of the lounge chairs and started wiping off the sweat from his chest and abs.

“Dear Lord, I’m done for,” I whispered into the phone.

“What’s he doing? Tell me,” Olive whispered back.

“I wanna lick him up, Olive. Like really bad. I wanna peel him like a banana and…”

“Tell me!”

“Jesus, don’t yell,” I said quietly before I started to describe what was going on just next to her backyard. “His son ran inside, but he is wiping off his abs with a towel right now. He’s so sweaty. Olive…he has a V! He has a damn near perfect V.”

“Is there a different kind?”

“Yes. Yes, definitely. Some just look wrong. But his…my green Olive, those shoulders…I think I’ve died and just stepped into heaven. Even his hair is fuckable. Does that even make sense? Not a huge fan of blonds, but his dark honey blond hair is doing it for me. It’s almost brown anyway. Jesus, I wanna get under him and hold on to those shoulders and just let him pound—”

“Lucy, calm down and don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Olive warned, but it was too late.

“I have to,” I said, whining a little. “I have to say it so it can come true. Pound me. I wanna hold on and just let him pound me.”

“You’re…I don’t even know what you are,” she said, laughing.

“And there is a bulge, Olive.” I groaned quietly as Adam faced me and started stretching his arms with his eyes closed and his head thrown back. “Sweet Jesus, even his throat is sexy. And there is a big bulge, Olive.”

“Is he hard?”

“No—hell, I don’t know, but it couldn’t possibly be that big when he is soft.”