Twinsequences (Twisted Twin #1)(24)
Author: Jennifer Foor

“I wanted you and you wanted me too. So what if I lied about what brought us together. What we shared was mutual and you know it. I would never do…” He was so damn adamant, but all I wanted to do was wipe the smile off of his face.

“You would never what? Let it happen? You’re a day late and a dollar short for that comment. I wish it never happened! I wish I never went back to town and we were never together.” I climbed into my car, leaving him standing there. When he never moved, I rolled down the window. He looked like he was going to cry. His eyes were serious and full of pain. “You don’t mean that.”

“Move out of the way. I have to go.”

He just stood there, holding his umbrella, like he hadn’t heard me.

“Stosh, please, just go home. Live your life and stop worrying about me. You know if Ivy catches you here, she’s going to go all ape-‐shit. I can’t take anymore of her antics. I just want to live my life, without all of this bullshit! I want to forget any of it happened.”

A single tear fell down his face. “Please…Don’t make me leave, Will.”

“Goodbye, Stosh.”

I started pulling the car away from the curb, before he’d even moved. He backed away quickly and watched me drive away from him. I was a sobbing mess, but I kept driving, knowing that he would follow if I didn’t.

When I pulled into the pharmacy, a rush of worry came over me. I didn’t have the money or the resources to raise a child on my own. My sister knew that. She and Stosh were legally married. They had a place to live and parents that could help them. If I was pregnant, there was a good chance she could really win custody. I wasn’t about to let that happen.

That night, alone in my house, I sat there staring at the box of tests. I was upset with myself for putting myself in this exact predicament. Surely, we should have used protection. Had I not been part of some master plan, maybe I could have prevented all of this.

Still, there I was, sitting on the floor of my empty place, in fear of what would be the result. I took them all just to make sure they all came out the same.

There it was, right in front of me.

I think I was in shock; unable to believe that it was even possible.

I cried and cried, not that it could change anything.

All my life, I’d never considered having to get an abortion. It went against everything that I’d ever believed in. After taking three tests, I was on the phone with the clinic, scheduling something that I didn’t want to do.

I couldn’t raise a baby.

I couldn’t give it up for adoption, because I knew who would be first in line. She’d get wind of my situation and be there to take away my child.

Once again, my sister was ripping my heart out.

Had she thought about this result?

Had she known that I would suffer either way?

My appointment wasn’t for two weeks and that just made my decision even harder. As the days went by, my heart broke more by the second. I moved into my new apartment, started my new job early, and tried to get by. Except, starting a new job, when my heart was elsewhere, made for bad first impressions.

I showed no initiative, because I didn’t care about anything anymore. All of the countless hours I’d spent studying, all of the things that I’d missed out on, had left me with regret. I just didn’t care about anything anymore. If lightening were to strike me, or I’d be hit by a car and die, it would have been a good thing.

Giving up my baby, because it was the only means of protecting it, was the only option.

As the days got closer to my unborn child’s horrible fate, I contemplated ending my own life. The idea of living a life and knowing what I’d done was going to consume me forever.

Now that I was out of school, and out on my own, I couldn’t expect an allowance from my parents. Not that they were even on speaking terms with me. I’d tried to contact them several instances, one time even pleading, but they refused to listen. My sister had brainwashed them into thinking that I actually had tried to break up her marriage, by having an affair with Stosh.

Since they wouldn’t talk to me by phone, I wrote them letters, in which I assume my sister intercepted. It didn’t even matter. At the end of the day they were going to believe my grieving sister over me, even if her grieving was all a load of bullshit.

On the morning of my appointment I called a cab and threw up three times before the driver arrived. I was shaking profusely and had no idea how I was going to force myself to walk inside of that clinic.

The waiting room was filled with young girls, seeking the same fate as I was. We were all going to regret it, I was sure of that. One day, we would walk by a mother and child and think about what it would have been like to hold our baby, to kiss our baby, to have our baby.

I only sat there for several minutes before I had to make a mad dash for the ladies room. There, I splashed water on my face and told myself this was the only way. The pain was just too new for me to be able to move on.

When they called my name to go back, I had to meet with a counselor. It was good they had them there, for the girls who were unsure of what they wanted. They wanted all options to be weighed before we took that final step.

Several hours later, I was calling a cab and heading home. I’d made my bed, now I was going to have to lay in it.

I was keeping my baby.

Determined to turn my life around, I decided not to tell Stoshua the truth. If he really loved me, he would want to be with me even if there was no baby.

It took me three days to conjure up the nerve to call him. I don’t know why I had to talk to him, but something told me that I just had to know if his feelings were real. I had to know if he was going to destroy my sister.

I called when he was at work, knowing my sister wouldn’t be anywhere near him. As far as I knew, they weren’t together, but I’d been lied to before, so I had to make sure I was protecting myself.

Willow? Are you alright? I’m surprised to hear from you. I thought you’d written me off.

Not yet.

I started to cry immediately. I don’t get why, because talking to him wasn’t exactly difficult for me. I guess I just wanted a place to belong. I felt so alone, like there was nobody that could heal my heart. The longer it had been from me hearing from Stosh, the more I realized that I couldn’t just get over him. I hated him, but I loved him just as much. Still, I needed to do this. I had to go on with my life and this was the only way to make that happen.

What’s wrong, babe? Are you pregnant?

Not anymore.