Unconditional

I laugh. “More than OK,” I call back, but it’s drowned by the applause.

“Well, that was terrifying,” Carina says into the microphone, with another nervous little laugh. But this time, I can see she’s relaxing. “You guys want to hear another?” she says hopefully.

There’s a chorus of approval.

“Good,” she grins. “Umm, OK, I’ve got one…” She turns away, starting to strum the guitar again, something more upbeat.

I don’t want to leave her, I could watch her sing forever, but I feel a tug on my arm. It’s the other waitress, and she looks panicked. “We’ve got people waiting three deep at the bar,” she whispers urgently.

Reluctantly, I turn away from Carina. That’s when I see the door swing open, and a familiar couple step inside, looking around.

Juliet and Emerson.

She’s searching for someone in the crowd, and it takes her a moment to realize who’s up onstage. Then she does a double take, her mouth dropping open in disbelief.

Damn.

I look back to Carina, remembering how she fell apart after the big fight with her sister. Family drama is the last thing she needs right now, it could throw her off her game for good. But Carina is already lost in the song, and when I search for Juliet again she’s slipped away into the crowd.

“Garrett!” my waitress pleads again, so I go deal with the overflow of customers, doing my best to keep one eye on Carina. She sails through another song, really getting into it now. She’s a ray of light up there on stage, her joy and relief clear in every note of the songs. It’s like watching her come alive for the first time, totally free and right where she’s supposed to be.

The way she looked in your arms. In your bed.

Carina finishes another number, then waits for the riotous applause to fade away. “I’m going to take a break,” she says, flushed. “But I want to play one more song before I do. This one is a dedication, I guess.” She looks bashful. “The truth is, I didn’t plan on playing here tonight. And I never would have on my own. I never believed I was good enough. Not just at all of this,” she gestures at her guitar. “But everything. And then, something changed for me. I met someone who showed me I was more than the girl I was pretending to be. He made me see I didn’t have to be perfect to be good enough.”

Carina’s eyes find mine.

“He was there for me when I needed him most.” Her voice is quiet but full of emotion. “And he’s the one who helped me get back on my feet and find my own voice again. I can’t come up with the words to express how much he means to me, so, I guess I’ll try and find them in a song instead.”

She takes a breath, and starts to sing, keeping her gaze locked on mine.

“Heart beats fast, colors and promises…”

I’ve never heard the song before, but in an instant, I’m transported into the world she’s singing, created from nothing but her voice and gentle tune. Lyrics about loving someone all her life, loving them for a thousand years. It’s a promise, a vow. And all the while, Carina sings to me, as if there’s nobody else in the world.

My heart stops in my chest, caught in the na**d emotion of her stare. Something blazes between us, a connection from her soul to mine. For these few precious moments, I feel everything: not just my own emotions, but hers too. All her hope and pain, her beautiful broken heart. She gives it all to me, singing her story out into the crowded room.

Only for me.

My love.

I freeze. It’s not a realization, crashing over me. It’s more like I’m waking up to something I’ve known all along.

Carina is mine. I belong to her. From the moment I saw her out in the snow at the wedding, she slipped beneath my defenses, infuriating me and challenging me like nobody else. Her beauty is a miracle, her bravery, my guiding light. Her body sets me on fire, a blaze a thousand storms could never extinguish.

It’s her. It’ll always be her.

I stare at her in wonder, lost in the world of her music: just the two of us together, as if nobody in the universe exists but us.

She’s everything.

The final chords fade away. Carina glances down, self-conscious, breaking our stare.

The world comes crashing back in.

“I…thank you,” she mutters, backing away. She turns to put down her guitar. I reel back, knocking into people.

“Sorry,” I murmur, my head spinning. “I’ve got to…can you move?” I stumble, fighting my way back through the crowd. It’s a mass of sweaty bodies, and I feel my lungs closing up. I push harder, bursting out the side door and gulping in a lungful of salty air, alone in the dark of the empty parking lot.

What the hell just happened?

I feel like my heart’s been hit by an anvil. I’m dizzy and reeling. I can’t think straight.

She loves me. Carina loves me.

And you love her too.

No!

I gulp for air, taking off towards the harbor. Emotions are whirling through me, but without Carina right there, enchanting me, there’s nothing to block the ugly fears rising to the surface.

I can’t do this. It’s already gone too far.

I told myself it was just a game, two consenting adults doing what came naturally. She needed a distraction from her messy broken engagement, and I would be happy to provide some relief.

Lies. You knew you were playing with fire.

Dammit! I stride along the boardwalk, blind to the direction until I find myself on the dock again, the place I found her after that fight with her father.