Until I Break(29)
Author: M. Leighton

“No. I do get pleasure from an intimate relationship. But some of the men I’ve dated expect…”

“Expect?”

“Isn’t it my turn to ask a question?”

“After this one, yes.”

I hold in my sigh. “The men I’ve dated have wanted more…response from me than what comes naturally,” I say vaguely, my cheeks heating again.

Why the hell are you still here?

I honestly don’t know the answer to that. I feel like I’ve been taken over.

By Alec.

Even though no one is making me stay, I’m feeling trapped and mortified when Alec leans forward to put his elbows on his knees. When he speaks, his voice, as placid as a calm lake, soothes me. I feel almost hypnotized, as though I’m not in complete control. As though I’m being eased into submission.

“You don’t need to hide things from me, Samantha. I knew from reading Laura Drake’s work that she had some sexually traumatic experiences in her life. Now, after putting you together with her, it paints a picture of someone who needs to come to terms not only with her past, but with who she is today. Who she is, what she wants and how to go forward.”

He’s so right. About all of it. But even as I’m laid bare before him, I can’t forget that he has his own secrets. I can’t forget that, while he is distracting me like a world class snake charmer, he’s the one hiding fangs. He’s the dangerous one, capable of great harm and a wicked bite.

“Why are you so fascinated by someone like Laura Drake? What brings a man like you into a profession like this? I’m beginning to think you have as much to hide as I do.”

The corners of Alec’s mouth curve into a small, cool smile. It’s not warm or genuine. It’s ironic. Bitter, even. I’m certain I struck a nerve when he doesn’t answer me, just continues to watch me with that odd expression.

When a muted beep sounds from the desk behind me, Alec’s expression turns curiously blank and clinical. “Our time is up.”

I know he’s speaking about more than just today and this visit. He’s saying that our time is up, that we’re done. Over, even though we never really started.

“You’re not going to answer my question?”

“Unfortunately, I have a lunch engagement.”

“How convenient,” I say, standing to my feet.

With every intention of walking away and never looking back, no matter how bad it hurts, I head for the door. Alec’s voice stops me.

“You could always keep your appointment for Thursday.”

I pause with my hand on the door knob. I glance over my shoulder to see Alec standing beside his desk, his hands tucked casually in the pockets of his dark gray slacks. He cuts a striking figure with his neatly-combed black hair and bronze skin that contrast so sharply with the pale green shirt that matches his eyes. He’s my Mason through and through. Only he’s not. And he’s certainly not mine.

“We’ll see,” I say quietly before I turn and leave him behind.

********

“Holy shit in a brown paper bag! What are the odds?” Chris asks in her colorful way.

“Promise me you didn’t know about this.”

“Of course I didn’t know! I’ve only read some articles written by Dr. B. I thought he was a she, too. There are never any pictures and they’re always attributed to Dr. A. Buraquinho. How was I supposed to know a man would know that much about women and sex? I mean, Dr. Ruth. Female. Hello!”

Although I’m still a little suspicious, I don’t think Chris would ever lie to me. At least I hope she wouldn’t. We’ve both been through too much in life to betray what little bit of trust we can find.

“Chris, seriously, I almost had heart failure.”

“I can imagine,” she replies. “So, what the hell are you going to do? You’re not thinking about going back, are you?”

When she says it like that, it makes me sound insane for even considering it. But I am. Considering it, that is. I have more questions. Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself all day. I have more questions and he owes me answers. But, deep down, I know I want more time, too. More time in his presence, more time with my Mason.

Because the two got twisted together in my brain, I feel as though letting go of one would mean letting go of the other. And I’m not ready to do that.

“Sam?” she prompts when I haven’t answered.

“I don’t know Chris. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I just… I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well, you know I’ll support you in whatever you decide, but be careful, Sam. This guy could be dangerous.”

Now she tells me!

I don’t respond.

Because I already knew that.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR – Alec

It’s hard to be objective about my motives now. My professional interest and my sexual interest are now indivisibly tangled when it comes to Samantha Jansen. I was simply intrigued, clinically speaking, by Laura Drake.

Mostly.

If I’m being brutally honest with myself, I have to admit that, upon meeting her, I was attracted to Laura Drake, even though she’s not the kind of female that normally does it for me. Since Alyssa, I’ve pretty much avoided women like that. Maybe it’s a matter of once burned, twice shy. Or maybe it’s a matter of self-preservation. Alyssa nearly destroyed my life.

I shudder to think what would become of me if something like that happened now, at this point in my life. Even though I’ve advanced in maturity, control and age, it’s not worth the risk.

Yet, here I am. Contemplating taking just such a gamble. It wouldn’t have been an issue when Samantha was just Samantha. But now she’s Samantha and Laura. She’s what I want most, yet what I abhor. And it’s a potent cocktail. She’s a potent cocktail. Forbidden fruit mixed with my one true weakness. It’s as delicious as it is ill-advised.

I probably shouldn’t have left the ball in her court the way I did. I should’ve said goodbye and moved on to other interesting subjects. But I didn’t.

At least I know now that she’s not as inexperienced as I’d once thought. While that was part of the appeal, this combination—wild thing under wraps and innocent thing with issues—quite possibly holds even more allure. But with Laura Drake in the mix, if she proceeds, I know it will be with eyes wide open.

And when I break her, she’ll have no one to blame but herself.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE – Samantha