Until I Break(42)
Author: M. Leighton

With a growl, he pushes himself away from the wall and turns to put his face into the stream of water from the shower head. After a few seconds, he turns back to me, to where I’m still standing helplessly against the wall, and starts to lather his chest.

“I suggest you get started,” he says blandly, one brow rising in that way that I love.

So I do.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO – Alec

Penance. That’s what this is. I’m punishing myself for the things I’ve done and Samantha is the community-service I feel compelled to perform.

At least that’s what part of me feels like. The part that would rather be working day and night to coerce her into leaving her fear behind and embracing my world.

But it’s not my world anymore. It can’t be. I haven’t let it be for a long time.

Until Samantha.

She was too much to resist. I let myself down and I scared the shit out of her in the process. So I’m making amends. As a doctor, as a man and as a decent human being, I’m keeping the chains on the darker side of myself and I’m doing what I need to do to help her, to give her a shot at what she calls a normal life.

I’ve brought her to the edge of orgasm at least two dozen times in the last two weeks. Anywhere and everywhere. At her house and mine, in the car, on the sand, and everywhere in between. I won’t let her climax because I want to make sure she’s ready, that she’ll actually do it and not feel like a failure to me and to herself. I think I could’ve made her come that day on the balcony, but I didn’t want to push her too far too fast. And I suppose there was the small chance that I might’ve been too arrogant, that she might not have. And that would’ve been a disaster. So here we are, two weeks later, and I’ve got the worst blue balls known to man.

I could’ve found someone to take the heat off with, but that feels like a huge betrayal to Samantha. So I haven’t. She trusted me when I told her I’m safe and clean and that I’m not sleeping with anyone else. She got back on the pill to prove it. I don’t intend to betray that trust either.

But my patience is running thin.

I take the turn that leads me one step closer to my office. I don’t really have to go in today, but I feel like I need to take a break from Samantha. Every day that we spend together, her allowing me to explore her both physically and emotionally, is a day that her past loosens its grip. I can see it in her body language, in her smile. I can hear it in her laugh. She’s happy. She’s free. But every day we spend together is also a day she might be getting herself into trouble and I don’t know how to stop it.

I think she’s falling in love with me. Despite my numerous warnings, I don’t think she’s even trying not to anymore. And I don’t know what the hell to do about it.

I guess I could just disappear from her life. Stop all this before it turns into disaster. But I can’t. I owe her.

Or is that just an excuse because I’m falling for her, too?

I’ve considered that possibility a couple of times. I have my doubts. Very serious doubts. Even if she were perfect for me in a dozen other ways, there are ways she could never satisfy me. And I think it would be completely irresponsible of me to go forward as if I didn’t know that and then one day break her heart because I’ve had enough.

No, it’s better to do it sooner rather than later.

And sooner is fast approaching.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE – Samantha

“You know you should run. I’ve told you countless times before that I’ll hurt you, that you’re not safe with me,” Mason reminds me.

I reach up to stroke his smooth cheek with my fingertips. “Stop trying to push me away. I’m not leaving you. Can’t you see that I love you? It’s too late for me. The past is the past. You are my future.”

I take a step back and curl my fingers in the neck of my shirt, tugging sharply until the buttons down the front give way. I know that doing this will push me past the point of no return. I know that if I bare my throat to him, that if he bites me one more time, there’s not going back. For either of us. I’ll be joined with him forever. Even if he leaves me. But that’s a chance I’m willing to take.

I turn my chin to one side, exposing the throbbing vein in my neck.

“Take it, Mason. Take my blood. One more time. I want to feel your teeth inside me. And then I want to feel you inside me. Bite me. Then make love to me.”

As has become my habit since meeting him, even though Alec is not a vampire, I find myself drawing uncanny (and probably unhealthy) parallels between my life and Daire’s, between her dilemmas and mine.

There are no supernatural curses for me to contend with. There are no blood ties that I must worry about. But I feel like the more time I spend with Alec, the more permanently bound to him I become. Some small part of me is still aware that he could and most likely will be leaving me eventually, but that part is not nearly large enough to stop the free fall I’ve found myself in. Alec is practically perfect for me in every way.

Unfortunately, the one way that he’s not will probably be the one thing that takes him away from me. Permanently. Like Mason hungers for blood, Alec hungers for a sexual satisfaction that I can’t provide. I don’t know how strong the urge is, but I have a feeling it must be pretty intense. He’s had to fight it for years.

But he doesn’t always win.

I shake off the ever-niggling worry and head for the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. Hearing me puttering around, Jinx hops up on the barstool and arches his back for some attention.

“You hungry, too, boy?”

His purr is drowned out by the ring of my cell phone. I take it from the pocket of my shorts. My heart does a little extra tap when I see Alec’s name on the screen.

“Hi,” I answer cheerfully, unable to keep the smile from my voice. I feel like smiling constantly when he’s around. And often when he’s not.

“Hi,” comes his gruff reply. His voice is like velvet, smooth yet coarse at the same time. “I’ve got something to pitch to you. Feel free to say no if you’re the least bit uncomfortable with it.”

“Okay,” I say easily. There was a time when I’d have felt anxiety about a conversation that started this way. But not now. I know Alec would never hurt me. Not on purpose. And certainly not sexually. He’s proven that a zillion times over.

“I’ve got a thing tonight. I had forgotten all about it. I don’t really want to go, but it would really look bad if I didn’t. It’s a big schmooze being hosted by one of my bigger clients.”