Until I Break(56)
Author: M. Leighton

Without all its complications.

I’m putting ice cubes into a glass when I hear a knock at the door. Considering the time of night and the fact that I don’t often receive visitors, it’s not hard to figure out who it is.

I walk to the door and swing it open. As I suspected, Samantha is on the other side, still in her tattered dress covered by my coat.

“Can I come in?”

I nod and step back, closing the door behind her then making my way back to the wet bar. Rather than the one finger I had intended, I pour two fingers of scotch instead. It’s gonna be a long night.

“Would you like a drink?” I ask before I head for the sofa.

“No, thanks,” she says primly. “I just wanted to return your jacket.”

We both know that’s not why she’s here. And if we’re going to do this tonight, I might as well start where I want. I sink down on one cushion and take a long sip of my drink before I speak.

“Why did you do it?” I ask bluntly.

I can tell the question takes her by surprise. And I can see how. From the moment it began plaguing my mind like a hungry buzzard circling overhead, it’s made me feel out of sorts, too.

“For the same reason you did it for her when she asked.”

I feel the frown contract the muscles of my forehead. I don’t need to ask who “she” is. “I did it because she asked me to.”

“Yes, but you also did it because you loved her. That’s what we do for the people we love—we do things that will make them happy or make them feel good. Or help them.”

I stand, already uncomfortable with where this conversation is going. “Don’t do that. Don’t make it sound like I was some sort of paragon for strangling my girlfriend. I’m not that guy, Samantha. I warned you of that.”

“I know you did,” she says, standing to her feet as well. Slowly, she walks toward me. “But I’m in this because I want to be. I knew the risk. And I still do. I realize there’s a significant possibility that you might never be able to admit your feelings for me, that you feel somehow unworthy of loving and being loved, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love me.”

“Samantha, I—”

“I’m not asking you to say it, Alec,” she interrupts, laying her hand on my chest and staring boldly into my eyes. “I just want you to know how I feel. And that I understand. I understand how this could’ve made you feel like a monster, how it could’ve gotten so out of control.”

“I don’t deserve this, Samantha,” I say, grabbing her hand and curling my fingers around it. “I don’t deserve a woman like you.” I take her hand off my chest and release it before I step back, away from her. Away from what she makes me feel. She steps forward, though, closing the distance I created.

“I know your instinct is to run. To hide from it. Believe me, I know. But Alec, you are worthy of love. And trust. I trusted you even when you didn’t trust yourself and it paid off. You didn’t hurt me. You couldn’t. Because you love me. I know you do. I saw it. I saw it in your eyes back at the club.”

I can’t decide if she’s just that perceptive or if I was simply that transparent. Either way she’s right.

I cup her face in my hands. “No, you’re right. You did see it. I am capable of feeling love, but not the kind you deserve. I’m not the kind of man you deserve. I’m broken, Samantha. I can never be what you need me to be. But I do love you. Whatever that means for me, I do love you. I feel it, but that doesn’t mean it will be enough for you.”

Her eyes are shining as if all she heard was me confess that I love her, not all the other parts that should drive her away.

“You love me,” she whispers, her voice wavering. “That’s all that matters. We can figure out the rest. Alec, I was broken when we met. And you healed me. I was stuck in the past, just like you were, but you set me free. Can’t you see that now you’re free, too? Can’t you see that you’re not a monster? That what happened was an accident, nothing more?”

“No. I see that I hurt the people I love. I let them down. I disappoint them. I betray their trust. That’s what I see.”

“Alec, you can’t stop me from trusting you. And you can’t stop me from making you whole again. Because I will. I owe us that. We both deserve it.”

I know with a certainty I’ve never done anything to deserve someone like Samantha. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. But listening to her makes it seem like we might just have a shot. If only I can keep from hurting her…

“I can’t make you any promises.”

“I’m not asking for any. All I want is for you to try, to give me a chance. I’ll show you that it can work. That we can work. Alec, you’re perfect for me. And I’m perfect for you.”

I sigh, suddenly lacking the will to fight her and what I feel for her. “No, you’re just perfect. Period.”

She smiles. “We both know that’s not true, but I love you for saying it.”

“It’s true to me. And that’s all that matters.”

Samantha loops her arms around my neck. “See you’re getting the hang of this already. With daily repetition, even more if you can manage it, this will be like second nature to you.”

I let my hand slide down over the rounded curve of her ass. “I like the idea of repetition. Maybe we should apply that to…other things.”

“What did you have in mind?” she asks softly, tilting her hips and swaying them against mine.

“My housekeeper left me a jar of local honey that I’ve been dying to try.” When her eyes light up, I know I don’t need to add that I’ll be enjoying it from various surfaces of her body.

“I love honey.”

“As do I. Especially the sweet South Carolina kind.”

My mouth waters with the anticipation of tasting the sweet things that Samantha has to offer. When I bend my lips to take hers, dipping my tongue into her mouth, I can’t help but notice a difference in the kiss. It feels deeper, more intimate.

Significant.

Maybe the biggest difference of all is that it feels… free. Finally, I feel free.

EPILOGUE PART ONE – Alec

I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a mistake by involving Chris. She does have a big mouth. And she does love Samantha above all else. But that’s also why I’m going to her. I figure, if anything, she’ll keep my secret because she’ll know how happy it will make her sister in the end.