Until Lilly

“Don’t start my shit?” She puts her hands on her hips and I know she is itching to fight. She is always ready to fight. “You got married, and you don’t want me to start my shit?” she asks, glaring.

“Me getting married has absolutely nothing to do with you,” I tell her firmly. Marrying Lilly was the smartest thing I have ever done, for myself and my kids.

“My son lives with you.”

“He does,” I nod in agreement, “because that’s where the courts put him.”

“I think he should come live with me.” My fists clench. I have never hit a woman in my life, and never would, but there have been times that I could see myself strangling her for how f**king selfish she is.

“You see him maybe every couple of weeks, only when the mood strikes you, and you want him to move in with you? He doesn’t even know you. He can’t even be left alone with you without crying and freaking out.”

“That’s your fault! You have always babied him.”

“He is a f**king baby.” I pull off my ball cap, running my hand through my hair. “I don’t have time for this shit today,” I growl, my eyes meeting hers.

“Oh, I’m sure you need to get back to the wife. Good to know she is more important than your son.”

“First of all, unlike you, I don’t place people in my life on different levels of importance. Lilly, Jax, and Ashlyn have all of me, one not more than the other.”

“Lucky them, I never got shit from you,” she says with a hurt look, but I have been down this road with her a million times.

“You’re right. You never had my heart, but you had me. I was there; you were just so caught up in yourself and what you could get that you didn’t give a f**k about me or your son, so don’t try to feed me some sob-story bullshit.”

“You’re such a f**king dick.”

“Do you want to take Jax to the park, or are you gonna hang out with him here?” I’m done with her drama. We will never see eye-to-eye on any of this.

“I don’t have time to take him to the park. I have to be somewhere.” She doesn’t even look disappointed about missing out on time with her son.

“Why the f**k did you ask me to bring him if you don’t have time to visit?”

“I thought I would have time, but I got a call right before you got here, and now I don’t have time.”

“Whatever.” I shake my head in disgust. I knew coming here was going to be a waste of time. I keep giving her chance after chance, hoping and praying that she will change for Jax, or at lease show some interest, but she never does. It’s always the same bullshit. “Do you at least want to say goodbye to him?”

“Um, sure.” She shrugs her shoulders like it’s all the same to her. Then she walks over to the back door of my truck, opening it up. I walk to the front of the truck, opening the door and climbing inside. I listen as Jules tells Jax that she will see him another time. He sits there quietly, not responding. She doesn’t touch him like a normal mother would touch her child after a long period of not seeing them. She doesn’t even talk gently to him like a mother would; her whole demeanor is exactly like it is when she talks to me or one of her friends. “All right, talk to you both soon,” Jules says as she closes the door of the truck. I wonder if she even notices that Jax didn’t say one word to her the whole time.

“You okay, little dude?” I look over my shoulder to talk to him; his tiny jaw is clenched, and I know that he is trying not to cry. He nods his head, and then looks out the window again.

“Can Mom make cookies when we get home?” My heart aches, and I take a deep breath to try to control my own emotions. Ever since the wedding, he has called Lilly, Mom. I love that he is able to get the kind of motherly love he needs from Lilly, but I f**king hate that he is suffering so badly because of his real mother.

“I’m not sure, but you can ask her when we get there.” He nods again, resting his forehead against the window. I turn on some music, filling the silence. Once we get back to the house, he is ready to go as soon as I open his door, and before his door is even shut, he is running towards the house yelling, “Mom!” at the top of his lungs. Lilly comes to the front door. She is wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, her hair is pulled back from her face with a small clip, and her face is completely makeup-free, showing off her naturally creamy complexion and rosy cheeks. She looks beautiful.

“What is it, honey?” she asks as Jax plows into her, his arms going around her thighs. Her hand goes to the top of his head, the other to the back of his neck. He holds on to her for a second and she looks at me; I shake my head, and she nods before looking back down at Jax.

“Can we make cookies?” he asks, leaning his head back.

“Well, your sister and I were trying to make cinnamon rolls. Do you want to come help us?” He nods, unwrapping his arms. “Well, go in and wash your hands. I will be there in just a second.” She runs her hand over his hair as he walks into the house.

“Are you okay?”

“No, but coming home knowing you’re here goes a long way to making it okay.” I pull her towards me by the waist, kissing her lips, then resting my mouth against her forehead.

“Please, don’t let her stress you out,” she says, her fingers running along my jaw, her touch calming me down.

“I’m fine, baby. Let’s go inside; I need to make a phone call, and you need to make me cinnamon rolls.”

“I’m sorry,” she shakes her head, “I didn’t know I was making you cinnamon rolls; the memo must have gotten lost along the way.”

“You would deny your husband?”

“I guess I would.” She smiles, getting the look she always gets when she looks at me, lighting up her face.

“You know what happens when you deny me, right?” I ask, crowding her.

“What?” she asks. I hear her breath hitch and I smile.

“Never mind, please, don’t make me cinnamon rolls. It’s been awhile since my palm has felt your ass, and you know how I love your ass, baby.” I lean in, kissing her nose, and then I turn her around, giving her a gentle push inside before tapping her on the ass.

“Cash.” She looks at me over her shoulder.

“Got stuff to do, babe.” I walk away smiling, knowing that the minute I can get her alone later tonight is the minute she will go wild for me. The anticipation is going to be making her squirm all day. I walk into my office and set about getting things ordered for the jobsite that we’re starting on next week. Once that’s done, I pay some bills. I need to call Nico, but I know that he has been busy lately. I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but Lil thinks he’s hooked up with someone, and that would make sense. My brother was always around; even with him working for Kenton, he still finds time to come and see us regularly. Nowadays though, we’re lucky if we see him once a week. I pick up my phone and dial his number; he answers on the second ring.