Vain
My shoulders shook with silent giggles until Ian’s fingers bit down slightly on the skin of my shoulder, sending tingles down my arms and sobering me quickly from the flush the touch his hand gave me. His face was buried in my left side and I felt the slightest brushed kiss against my shirt there. It was warm and sweet and sent my eyes rolling into the back of my head. I stifled a shudder and awaited his next move. His thumb stroked small circles against the shoulder bone there, so softly the movement didn’t even register with my eagle-eyed babysitter. It sent me into an internal frenzy. I wanted so badly for him to tuck me into his side tightly and kiss my neck until I fell to pieces.
I sighed softly, inaudibly, and felt Ian grin into my shoulder. He was so unbelievably sexy and I didn’t think he was even trying. I stilled my body in preparation for whatever he had planned and I thought I was ready for anything. Anything except what he did next.
I felt his warm breath, concentrated on it, reveled in it even, right before he softly bit through my shirt and caught a bit of skin gently. My breath caught in my throat and I swallowed hard. He caught the movement and I felt his chest inhale quickly against my back.
“Don’t move,” he whispered so softly I barely heard him.
My body felt cemented in place next to his, as if his mere suggestion dictated law and I was powerless but to obey. It sent a thrilling buzz permeating throughout my abdomen and chest, tingling right through to my toes.
“Feel this,” he told me before letting his fingertips flow like water over the curves of my hand laying flat on the sofa, out of sight.
I closed my eyes and let the drugging, lazy sensations of his touch drag through my limb, sedating it to the point of numbness. It was such a heady, provocative feeling. I felt my cheeks blush bright pink. My body flushed with warmth every single time the tip of his finger found the curve of my thumb and again when he reached the pad of my ring finger. He chased that warmth so slowly, seemingly stretching time, and traced it like he didn’t have a care in the world...except for me.
My chest swelled with something I couldn’t quite peg but I let it saturate my soul and heart anyway because it was the best feeling I’d ever felt and I would have paid any amount of money for it to continue.
We were suddenly startled when we heard the cough of one of the kids in Karina’s bedroom and we both bolted upright, ready to aid them.
Karina looked on us softly and smiled. “I’ve got it. Lay back down,” she said kindly.
When she left the room, Mandisa followed. Ian sat in front of me but moved to face me and I looked on him differently than I had the night before. My hand moved to his face and my fingers sketched his solid chin around to his high cheekbone and up to his temple. I dragged my thumb down the bridge of his nose and over the tops of his lips. His bottom lip caught a bit and it briefly exposed his perfect teeth. I pressed both hands to his cheeks and stared into his eyes when he lifted his own arms and dragged his fingers through the hair at my temple, fisting it into the length at the sides of my head. He held them there, staring back.
We heard Karina move toward the door and I could tell we were both loath to stop touching one another. Skin to skin felt so right, so, so, right. Our hands gently fell away and the pull to put them back was overwhelming. We both stood for a moment, intensely staring, then Ian walked past me without a word toward Karina’s room, greeting her at her bedroom door.
“Good morning, Din,” she told him.
He kissed her cheek. “Good morning, Karina.” He walked past her into her bedroom, probably to check on whoever was coughing and Karina approached me.
“Good morning, my love,” she said, embracing me tightly.
“Good morning.”
“I know about Din’s jeep,” she spoke into my hair.
My stomach fell to the floor. “Oh, uh, about that...”
“It’s okay,” she said, brushing my hair back. “I’m grateful you decided to wait to tell me. I don’t think I could have handled it all at once.” She smiled sweetly and I kissed her cheek.
“How are the children?” I asked.
“Miraculously improved,” she stated with a wink.
I couldn’t stop the smile blasting across my face, not that I wanted to. “What a relief,” I sighed, sagging back onto the sofa.
“I’m so grateful,” she said, her eyes glassing over.
“Me too,” I told her, patting her weathered hand relaxed on the armrest. “I’m incredibly grateful,” I said quietly, but the phrase meant so much more than it implied.
Over the next few days, life returned to normal at Masego, our inventory was restocked, children gained energy and classes resumed. Ian and I didn’t get to sleep for two days, but we did get back into some sort of routine and that made it easier to stay rested. We would check daily for footprints encompassing the fresh water source and the small wooded area near the property where Ian taught me how to handle a gun. We were lucky in that we found nothing. We were more certain every day that whoever had come previously was just passing through.
Ian and I flirted quietly every opportunity we got, careful not to bring any attention to ourselves, and it was effortless. I discovered over those few days that my heart felt fuller and I was falling in love with him.
Every time I approached a door, he would speed ahead and make sure he was there to open it for me. Every time I made the slightest mention I was hot, he was there with shade. If I was cold, his arms circled around me. If I was tired, he was there for me to lean on. He was sweet and attentive yet didn’t overwhelm me. He was subtle.
“It’s Saturday!” Karina yelled over the din of chattering children at breakfast one morning and they all cheered in response.
“They’re adorable,” I told Ian and he laughed.
“And I’ve got a special surprise for you!” she told them.
“What’s this?” Ian asked me, nudging his shoulder with mine.
I shook my head. “I’ve no idea.”
“It’s getting warm again!” Cheering. “So we’re going swimming at our favorite spot.” Louder cheering.
Ian clapped his hands once and rubbed them together. His brow raised slightly and he leaned into me. “Price, get your suit.”
And that’s all he said before skipping out and heading toward our huts.
Kids started eating quickly and taking their bowls to Kate before running off to their rooms to get whatever swimming gear they had. I wondered what they had before a thought occurred to me. I’d only brought a bikini, never thinking I’d actually use it. I knew this wouldn’t fly with Karina because Ugandan girls weren’t even allowed to wear pants let alone expose their stomachs. I couldn’t imagine Karina would approve.
I stood up and made my way to her. “I don’t think I can swim, K.”
“What! Why?”
“I didn’t actually bring a decent suit.”
“Oh, well, do you have a t-shirt? Shorts?” I nodded. “You can wear those over whatever suit you did bring. The kids will think nothing of it since you wear jeans every day anyway.”
“If you think so,” I told her and made my way to my half of the hut.
I could hear Ian scrambling around in his room and I smiled. I changed into my suit and felt practically naked. It wasn’t considered outrageous back home. It wasn’t a string, just a standard bikini, but it was definitely not Ugandan appropriate.
I considered myself in the mirror for a moment. I’d lost any remotely fleshy part of my body to the hard work Masego had put me through. My fingers ran down my stomach and across each raised muscle. My parents had graciously paid Raul, my personal trainer, tens of thousands of dollars to try to get me to look like this because I was determined to have it, but he could never accomplish it, not like that anyway. I wanted to burst out laughing thinking how all I’d needed to do was volunteer at an orphanage in Uganda to earn it and now I didn’t even care that it existed. Suddenly, my caring about what I looked like was trumped by the health of little kids instead. Irony, I suppose.
I let my hair fall free for once and smiled secretly to myself at how it would drive Ian crazy. I pulled a band around my wrist for later, tossed on a tank and a pair of cut-off denim shorts that cost three hundred dollars back home. I remembered thinking how I’d gotten such a great deal on them, which made me roll my eyes at myself. I forwent the boots for once and put on my old running shoes, the ones I’d brought with no intention of bringing back because they were “last season.” I grabbed a drawstring bag and put a t-shirt to swim in, a bottle of sunblock, and my small radio. I tore open a new package of new batteries for it, agreeing with myself that this occasion warranted it. This was a time for celebration. P.S. I’m going to throw an absolutely mind-blowing fact your way. I’m not kidding, either. The country of Uganda is obsessed with Celine Dion. They dedicate entire days to broadcasting her music. They love her that much. Five words. My. Heart. Will. Go. On. Yeah.
I heard a soft knock at the door and opened it to Ian. I got to see his legs for the first time since I’d met him and couldn’t believe a man’s calves could be that developed. I stood gape mouthed like a buffoon staring at them.
When I finally caught myself, my gaze raised to Ian’s face and I was shocked to find he was equally as engrossed as I was. My laugh startled him and he shook his head.
His mouth worked a bit and he swallowed. “You-you ready?”
“Yes,” I told him.
Karina took Charles’ truck and we took the jeep and filled them both with the smaller children. The older kids would walk the quarter mile to the swimming hole with Katie and Charles. Mandisa moved to sit on my lap immediately, and I let her, kissing the top of her head as Ian started the engine.
When we unloaded the last of the jeep and truck and the kids started running for the water, I impulsively raised my face and hands, palms up and let the rays of the sun wash over me. It was bright and warm and felt so good against my skin. I sighed. There was just something about the sun. I drank its heat deep and breathed easily, closing my eyes and wondering to myself why I never really saw it for what it was before I'd come to Uganda.
I'd discovered that the sun equated happiness. Its bright and lovely existence was hope incarnate. It exposed the dark, brought forth the light and showed you that no matter how strong or oppressive the night was, that it was infinitely stronger, exponentially more substantial and just because you couldn't see it with your eyes, didn't mean it wasn't still with you, that you couldn't feel it or that it wouldn't come back for you. It was stalwart and constant. It was infinite.
I followed the sound of boisterous laughter to the water’s edge.
“We’re going to keep the smaller ones here on the shallower edge,” Ian told me.