Vampire Crush
Author: A.M. Robinson

Chapter One

"Sophie McGee, Editor in Chief."

I have to say, it has a nice ring to it. I say it again just for kicks, only this time I use a whimsically French accent, the kind you only see in zee bad comedies. Then, since I’m on a roll, I launch into a few others – Southern (great), Australian (hot), Swiss (breezy and natural, but a person from Switzerland should probably be the judge). Mr. Amado, my journalism teacher, should really give the position to me now. I’m just about to attempt Human Who Is Secretly a Robot accent when someone knocks on my bedroom door.

"What are you doing? Are you talking to yourself?" asks a muffled voice that’s curious and impatient all at once – a trademark of my stepsister, Caroline.

"I’m on the phone," I say loudly, before remembering that last night I left my phone on the coffee table downstairs. I add "Lie Better" to this year’s to-do list.

"You’re doing the name thing again, aren’t you?" she asks. "I don’t think your teacher will make you editor in chief if you are crazy."

It’s a fair point. Still . . .

"What do you want?" I ask.

"Mom says she’s going to eat your first-day French toast if you don’t come downstairs for breakfast now."

Not wanting to waste time when there’s powdered sugar involved, I thank Caroline for warning me and return to packing my bag as I hear her skip down the stairs. Pens? Check. Schedule? Check. Journalism notebook with article ideas for this year? Triple check. Name perfection aside, there are a lot of reasons that I deserve to be editor in chief. I’ve done everything I can to make sure that it’s me – writing filler articles, taking extracurricular photography courses, and even going to a summer journalism camp where we were all forced to wear lime green T-shirts and work on a fake newspaper called Teen Issues Today.

After checking to make sure that my hair isn’t doing anything too experimental, I clomp downstairs to the kitchen to find my family halfway through the McGee breakfast routine.

Caroline sits at our round table, dressed to the tens as she picks suspiciously at the remains of her fruit plate. Marcie gave her three slices of cantaloupe again, and as usual, one sits smiling and abandoned on the placemat while she taps her grapes as if they might be tiny purple grenades. They don’t pass the test. Abandoning the fruit altogether, she crosses her tan legs and sets to picking invisible lint off of her outfit. Today it is a short denim skirt and a series of layered candy-colored tank tops, all beneath a wispy excuse for a cardigan that’s designed to make our matronly principal’s head spin. Caroline won’t admit it, but her favorite hobby – after watching reality television – is flirting with wardrobe malfunction.

My father sits across from her in a banker-blue suit. For the first nine years of my life, I steadfastly believed that he wore a tie to bed. This morning’s selection is red, striped, and currently peeking out from beneath the local business section. Every so often his head shakes as he mutters something about the NASDAQ and the depressed real estate market.

The only thing missing is my stepmother, Marcie, eating my food (lies!) and asking when I’m going to try out for tennis to fulfill her vicarious need for high school sports. Instead she’s peering out the window that faces our neighbor’s house, or what used to be their house until they moved out six months ago. I slide into the last empty seat and drag some French toast onto my plate with as much stealth as possible; no need to attract her attention.

"I think the house next door finally sold," Marcie announces to no one in particular. "There’s a light on upstairs . . . but I haven’t seen any moving trucks."

She leans over the sink, not caring that the pink belt of her silk robe is dangling down the drain. If there’s one thing Marcie likes more than being our family’s judge, jury, and cruise director, it’s keeping tabs on the neighbors.

"It’s probably an early morning reflection," my father says.

"The sign’s gone."

"Then they moved in late last night."

Marcie looks doubtful, probably because she was spying last night at dinner, too, but she drops the curtain and takes her place at the table next to Caroline.

"I wish it were the Hallowells," she says sadly, reaching over to steal Caroline’s neglected cantaloupe slice. "Sophie got along so well with their son."

I shove a bite of French toast in my mouth so I will be saved from responding. Marcie used to think that their son, James, was my soul mate because one time we managed to get through a picnic without starting a ketchup war or calling each other "snotbucket." In reality our relationship consisted of hair pulling (age six), doll vandalism (age eight), and relentless teasing about my freckles (age eleven). Not exactly Romeo and Juliet, but try telling Marcie that. Luckily he moved away to New York before either one of us had to drink poison or kill a cousin.

"I hope they have a teenage son," says Caroline, who’s gone back to scraping the seeds off of her strawberries. "A cute one," she adds before glancing up to study my outfit. "Seriously? That’s what you’ve decided to wear on the first day of school?"

I look down at my faded green T-shirt, low-rise jeans, and classic Converse sneakers. No reason to go cry in a corner. "What?" I ask. "Is my butt supposed to have something written on it?"

She ignores my joke. "If you want to borrow something, just ask. You know, like a skirt. Or something not made out of cotton."

"I’ll keep that in mind," I say, shrugging it off. It might sound mean-spirited, but Caroline’s concern for the fashion victims of the world is genuine. I once caught her sniffling over People’s "Worst Dressed" list. She claimed it was allergies, but I suspect she was momentarily overcome by a star’s debilitating case of quadra-boob.

After Caroline returns to inspecting her fruit, my father lowers the corner of his newspaper and winks at me, his traditional bonding gesture. Before I can wink back, Marcie leans across the table and taps me on the wrist with a manicured index finger, waiting for my full attention before she asks her question.

"Have you given any more thought to tennis this year?"

And with that, I know that it’s time to grab my backpack and leave for school.

Thomas Jefferson High is on the edge of town, a location normally reserved for insane asylums and industrial plants that leak hazardous waste. I arrive in plenty of time to snag my usual parking spot at the far end of the lot, right next to the woods that border it to the west. The towering pine trees ensure that the sun does not make my Jeep a sauna, which in turn makes sure that I won’t have to kill myself in the afternoon because the car is too hot. For this reason, I like the woods. My classmates also like the woods, but more because they can sneak off and kiss behind the trees.