Wanting More (Mitchell Family #5)(43)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I was shocked. Was he blaming me for doing drugs? I backed away in my seat and pushed him even further away from me. "Screw you. Don’t you dare do that! Don’t you dare blame me for the shit you did. I have nothing to do with your stupid choices."

I was so pissed at him that I wanted to jump out of the truck and go home. I guess the little bit of wine I had was enough to come out of my quiet shell and take up for myself.

"It has EVERYTHING to do with you! I never gave a shit before. Fuckin’ was about f**kin’ and nothin’ else. Now, all I have are these damn feelin’s that make me think about what I’m doin’ before I do it. You can be as pissed as you want, but I couldn’t just go in there and f**k her without somethin’ to make me forget how much I’d be hurtin’ you."

He punched the steering wheel with his fists. "Damnit woman, you just don’t get it do you? You just don’t understand how much I love you. Being near her made me sick. You really think the old me would have passed on an easy lay like that? My God she’s been throwin’ her pu**y at me since the first night we met. I could have pounded that shit right in the parking lot that night, but I didn’t. Do you know why, Amy? Do you know why I didn’t?"

I was crying. Partly because he was blaming me and the other reason being because he really was completely in love with me. This man, this broken man, that I was completely in love with, was broken again and this time I was to blame. "Go ahead and tell me Conner. You’re obviously going to anyway."

"Because the idea of never being able to have you again made me want to die. Because seein’ you leave with that piece of shit husband of yours was my breakin’ point. I wanted you for myself and after bein’ around that, I knew I was goin’ to have it."

"Conner, don’t talk like that!"

He got up in my face and I didn’t back away this time. "It’s the f**kin’ truth, Blaze. You think that worrying about me bein’ with Heather is bad, you think about how many months I’ve had to lay in my bed thinking’ about him touchin’ and f**kin’ what was mine. You can fight me and deny it all you want, but after that first night together, you’ve always been mine."

I couldn’t look into his painful eyes and lie anymore about my feelings. I knew when I gave myself to him that night that it was more for me. At the time, I’d assumed it was just sex for him, but he kept being there and supporting me. There wasn’t a time where I couldn’t count on him.

“You’re right. You’re totally right, Conner. I started falling for you that night. It wasn’t the first time you’d come to my rescue. It was easy for me to fall right into your arms every time you came around. I suppose I wanted you to seduce me. At first, I wanted to believe that someone like you could want someone as damaged as me. I just never thought this would come out of it."

He leaned back in his seat, but grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Well, it did and I’m tired of f**kin’ waitin’ for it to be the right time. For months you’ve said you were leavin’ him and I know there’s two ways this story plays out. You’ll either leave or you’ll stay."

"You know my choice! How could you even think that I don’t want to be with you completely? That’s all I want."

I noticed that the radio had been playing the whole time when the truck got quiet. Some rock song that I didn’t recognize was playing and Conner patted his fingers against the steering wheel to the tune. I really looked at him while he stared out into the night. He was mine. This handsome beautiful man had my heart and all he was asking was for me to be with him. I didn’t care that he’d taken a pill, but I did need to make sure I was never the reason he wanted to do it again. "I want to be with you and never have to look behind my back again. I have a plan but it may take a couple of months. I’m not going to stop seeing you or being with you. I don’t give a shit about the Heather thing anymore, as long as it’s really over with. I’m tired of us not being on the same page. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep thinking about you."

He grabbed my arms and pulled me over to him, while reaching around and guiding me to straddle him. The steering wheel was stuck in my back, so I leaned my body right against his chest. "I don’t want to ever make you cry, Amy. I want you to know you’re loved every damn day. I can wait out your plan so there are no loose ends, but I can’t promise you that I will be patient."

"I don’t expect you to be." I leaned into him and pressed my lips over his. As I pulled away, I noticed just how out of it he was. "Are you going to want to take another pill?"

He shrugged and leaned back in his seat. "Probably. I don’t think it will be as bad as the withdrawals before, but it won’t be fun for a couple days."

"Stay with me tonight." Yeah, it was a horrible idea, but Rick was off in another state and he still had a whole day of driving before he dropped off the load. As long as I was able to sneak him into the house, it would be fine. Since it was dark, the neighbors would already be in bed.

"That ain’t smart."

I ran my hands over his cheeks. "Please let me take care of you."

He pulled his keys out of the ignition and put them in my hand. "I’m not in any shape to drive. If you think it’s safe we can go there, if not I will pay for a room. Just drive me somewhere."

After switching to my car, I decided it would be safer if we just went to the hotel. The clerk gave me dirty looks when I came in with Conner’s ID, but since we’d been there before she didn’t question it. By the time we’d gotten there Conner was in bad shape. He couldn’t keep his eyes open and had told me he’d finished off the bottle of whiskey right before I arrived to meet him.

He was f**ked up and I wondered if he would even remember our conversation.

Once I got him into the room, he plopped face first onto the bed.

I pulled off his shoes and removed his pants. As difficult as it was, I was able to get him to get under the covers and at least use a pillow.

I started taking off my clothes and climbed into bed beside him. When I wrapped my arms around him he started laughing.

I reached my hand and found his to thread our fingers together. "What’s funny?"

"We can’t have sex tonight, darlin’."

"I wasn’t trying to. Why is that even funny?"

He kept laughing. "My dick can’t take anymore tonight. Not after the poundin’ it went through earlier."

I swear I literally stopped breathing for a second. Now, I knew all about drunk people and how they ran their mouths about things they shouldn’t. That wasn’t what hurt me.

I knew there was a chance they were going to have sex, but when he said it the way he did, it stabbed me right in the heart. I was lying next to a man that had been with another woman just hours before. I pulled away from him and immediately started to cry.