Wasted Words by Staci Hart
“You think he’s still planning on signing with us?”
“I don’t doubt it for a moment, but you know how it is.”
“Wait until the ink’s dry,” I said with a smile.
He nodded. “Until then, it’s anybody’s guess. But he trusts me, and he trusts you and Jack and the agency. I’m glad you’ll have some time with him this weekend too.”
“Couldn’t miss homecoming, and I’m here on Jack, for Darryl. Everybody wins.”
“What else is going on? Wasn’t the charity dinner last night?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said and took a drink, not wanting to think about it.
“Did you take a date?” my nosey sister asked.
I gave her a look.
“What?” she asked innocently. “Can’t your little sister be worried about your dating life?”
I snorted. “No.”
“Well, now you’re being weird. Who’d you take? Please tell me you didn’t ask Jessica. She was the fakest kind of fake. Like a dessert that looks delicious, but you go to take a bite and realize it’s a wax display.”
I laughed. “That’s creepily accurate.”
She shrugged. “Lit major. One day when I’m a famous writer, you can talk all about how my metaphors brought none of the boys to the yard.”
I chuckled but still didn’t answer her.
Her eyes narrowed. “Seriously, why don’t you want to tell me?”
I sighed. “I took Cam.”
They both looked at me like I was crazy, and Mom gaped as she walked back in. “Did I hear that right? You took Cam on a date? As a friend?”
“Yeah, as a friend.” I took another sip.
Meg laughed. “You liar.”
I shook my head and swallowed. “Dammit, Meg. You just can’t give it to me, can you?”
“Nope. Are you guys dating?”
“No.”
“Lying again,” she sang.
“No, I’m not,” I said definitively. “We’re not dating. Anymore.”
Her smile fell. “What in the world happened?”
I leaned on the counter and inspected the label on my bottle. “I don’t really even know. I realized I had feelings for her and found she had feelings for me.” It was that simple and that complicated.
“How long did it last?” she asked as Mom and Dad listened on.
“Not long. Just a week or so. We got in a fight before I left for the airport.”
“Today?” Meg asked.
I nodded and knocked my drink back, emptying it. Dad moved to get me another.
“Well, what happened?”
“I don’t even know. We kissed and just sort of fell into a relationship, but she had a foot out the door the whole time. She’s scared of something, me I guess. I don’t know why, but she’s got excuse after excuse, and I’ve tried … I’ve tried so hard to convince her. I brought her to the water and practically drowned her in it, but I couldn’t make her drink.”
“As it goes,” Dad said.
“She doesn’t trust me. And after all the back and forth, I don’t trust her right now either. She promised me we were past it just last night, but today we were right back where we started, hashing it out all over again. But there’s nothing left to say.”
“Why doesn’t she trust you? Did you do something to betray it?” Meg asked.
“She says we’re too different and that she’s afraid I’m going to leave her once I figure it out.” I shook my head. “I didn’t do a single thing wrong. It’s just some idea that’s stuck in her head that she can’t get past. And now …” I sighed again. “She’s my roommate. Nothing will ever be the same between us. Can’t go backward. Can’t convince her of anything. So I’ve got to figure out what to do next.”
“Any chance of her coming around?”
“Who knows? But I can’t keep trying to drag myself through it because it hurts.” I took a sip of my drink, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “How many ways can you say you want someone? How can you make them understand? She’s got me on some pedestal, has some idea of me that isn’t real. That almost hurts worse, to know she doesn’t know me well enough to believe what I say.”
Meg shook her head. “I don’t think it’s that.”
“Well, enlighten me, wise one.”
She shrugged. “Maybe she just doesn’t feel like she’s enough for you. That’s what it sounds like, at least. I don’t believe for a second that Cam doesn’t know your intentions, but she’s just got herself spooked.”
My brow furrowed.
“I’m saying it’s not you, it’s her. She’s suffering from pretty classic relationship anxiety, if I had to bet. I mean, unless she’s not into you. Do you think she’s not into you?”
I thought back over the last week, thought about the way she looked at me, the way she let herself go, as tentative as it was. “No, I think she very much wants to be with me.”
Meg nodded. “I’ve been there. I think every woman has been in some capacity.”
“I get that, Meg. But how far do I go? How much do I have to carry? I need her to be in it with me, to try. But she’s gone back and forth so many times in the last week, I feel like I have whiplash.”
She shook her head and sighed. “I don’t know. You’re the only one who can make that choice.” Her phone buzzed on the counter. “Crap, my ride is on its way. I’ve got to go finish getting ready.” She stood and hugged me, kissing me on the cheek, since I was sitting and at her level. “It’s all going to work out. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?”