When August Ends

He just looked at me and mocked, “So deep, you are.”

I laughed. “Asshole.”

“I see I don’t make you nervous anymore.”

“I’m not nervous at this point in time, no.”

“Good.” Noah stared into my eyes. Maybe what I’d said about us crossing paths had resonated with him. He seemed to be pondering something.

“What happened to your mother?” he finally asked. “Not that depression needs a reason, but how long has she been that way?”

Do I tell him? “My sister killed herself.”

It felt strange to utter those words aloud. This was the first time I’d spoken about it with someone other than my therapist.

A dark cloud crossed Noah’s face. “I’m sorry, Heather.”

“She was only twenty-five. Her name was Opal. She had some mental problems. She would act out when she wasn’t taking her meds. Sometimes she was okay, and other times not. She ran away from home when she was my age.”

I looked up at the night sky. “My sister was gorgeous, so it was scary to think she was out there on her own. We couldn’t stop her from leaving. We tried. But she was an adult. She originally left with a boyfriend, but they broke up. Then she just wandered from city to city, taking odd jobs when she was on her meds and could hold one down. We’d beg her to tell us where she was, but all she’d do was call from time to time to let us know she was okay. We didn’t realize how bad things had gotten until we received a call that she’d overdosed on pills at a motel off the highway in Connecticut. That was the worst night of my life. And my mother has blamed herself ever since for not doing more to make Opal come home. It’s why she’s so terrified of losing me. The whole situation just sucks.”

Noah closed his eyes momentarily. He seemed very affected by my story. It made me wonder if he’d experienced loss, too.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated. “That had to have been hard.”

Feeling emotional, I wanted nothing more than to distract from the sad thoughts. At the same time, thinking about my sister reminded me how short life is.

Yes.

Life is short.

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

All we have is today.

If you have something to say, say it.

“I’m very attracted to you,” I blurted.

The words escaped my mouth before I could think about what saying them would mean.

Noah looked as if he didn’t quite know how to respond, but he shot me down. “Don’t…”

Despite his warning, I kept going like a runaway train.

“I know you think I’m too young for you. But I’m just gonna be honest. I don’t live a very exciting life. I do what I have to do, then wake up to another sunrise on the lake each day. I go to work and take care of my responsibilities. But for some inexplicable reason, since you moved in, something has awakened inside of me. I wake up excited. I’m very drawn to you…and very attracted to you. I don’t know if you feel the same way, or if maybe you’re trying not to because you think my age automatically makes me immature. I can assure you I’m not. Never in my life have I admitted my attraction to someone like I’m doing right now. I’ve never done anything like this. I—”

“I can’t, Heather.” He lowered his voice and repeated, “I can’t.”

A brisk evening wind suddenly blew things around. It was as if Mother Nature was trying to help distract from my embarrassment.

We sat through a few seconds of awkward silence until he said, “I’m flattered that you feel that way about me. I really am. And I think you’re beautiful…inside and out. But nothing can happen between us.”

I felt nauseous.

Oh my God.

Why did I just do that?

I knew why. I wanted him so badly I was willing to risk looking like an idiot for the chance to experience being with him. And it backfired. Big time.

One thing about me, though? I didn’t need to be told twice.

Okay, maybe this was the second time he’d made his lack of intentions toward me clear. But I didn’t need to be told a third time, and I vowed never to make an ass of myself in front of Noah Cavallari again.

“Well…I guess I’ll chalk this experience up to practice in putting myself out there and accepting rejection.” I stood. “Today has not been my day. I think I’m gonna turn in.”

“You don’t have to go.” Noah stood up, too. “Stay.”

“I really need to call it a night.”

He didn’t fight me on it. “Alright…”

Disappointed in my impulsive behavior, I swore at myself under my breath the entire walk home.

And I was still feeling self-destructive when I got there, because when I returned to my room, I did the one thing I knew I would end up regretting.

Taking out my phone, I scrolled down to Eric’s name.

Heather: I can meet you tomorrow night.

CHAPTER SIX

* * *

NOAH

With hard strokes, I took out my frustration on the house as I painted the next morning.

Heather’s words from last night kept playing in my head as I rolled the paint over the wood of the boathouse.

I’m very drawn to you…and very attracted to you.

I’d felt like a piece of shit after she left. She’d taken my rejection personally, when that was the last thing I wanted.

I still had no clue if I was going to tell her why I’d left Pennsylvania to come here. But I knew I needed time without complications. And my twisted feelings for Heather were starting to become a complication.

Shit, if there’s anything sexier than a woman who isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. But Heather wasn’t exactly a woman. She had a lot of growing up to do. While she was old enough to know what she wanted sexually, she wasn’t old enough to know what was good for her. That would only come with time and years of experience. I wasn’t going to be the one to teach her about the kind of guy not to get involved with. She needed someone grounded, who would make a good husband to her someday, not someone messed up in the head who’d already proven incapable of marriage.

More than anything, she didn’t know the truth. I could never take advantage of her advances—no matter how hard it was to resist. It didn’t matter that she was drop-dead gorgeous, that I was horny as fuck, or that she seemed to be the only person capable of making me smile.

Though I continued to ruminate while painting, at one point, the sound of music playing registered. I got down from the ladder and took a little walk to see where it was coming from.

“MMMBop” by Hanson.

Sure enough, it came from Heather’s room. It was like the nineties threw up in there. I was tempted to yell up to her window and tease her, but after last night, I didn’t think she’d appreciate it.

So I bit my tongue, shook my head, and walked back to the boathouse.

***

Later that afternoon, I was back up on the ladder when my heart nearly dropped to my stomach. I looked over to see someone standing on the roof of the main house. The structure was three stories high, so anyone who fell off was going to be seriously injured.

It didn’t take long for me to figure out it was Heather.

What the hell is she doing on the roof?

She was looking down as if she was…pondering jumping? I found it hard to believe she would ever do that. Why then? Adrenaline pumped through me as I climbed down and ran toward the house.

With my heart pounding, I called up to her, “Heather! What are you doing?”

She put her hand on her chest. “Oh my God. You scared the shit out of me.”

I held my hand over my forehead to block the sunlight. “I scared you? Get down! Are you crazy?”

“Why?”

“Because you could fall. Why are you up there?” I swallowed, terrified of her answer.

“It’s an exposure exercise,” she said.

“What? What the hell are you talking about?”

“I have a massive fear of heights. I’ve been listening to this podcast on facing your fears, and the doctor says to overcome any fear, you have to challenge yourself, expose yourself to it. I decided to climb up here and experience the fear for a bit, to habituate to it.”

My mouth hung open. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, especially when you can fall and break your neck in the process.”

She crossed her arms and looked down at me. “What did you think I was doing up here?” After a moment, her face changed. “Oh my God, Noah. You didn’t think I was going to jump?”

I let out a long breath as my heartbeat started to return to normal. “I don’t know what I thought. But what in God’s name else would someone be doing up on the roof, standing there and looking down at the ground?”

“I can’t believe you thought I was going to off myself. What—did you think your rejection last night put me over the edge?” She started to laugh.

As sick as it was under the circumstances, I was happy to hear her joking about last night. I’d been worried I’d hurt her.

“You do realize this is the second botched attempt at saving my life you’ve had since your arrival, right?” she shouted down.

I shook my head and couldn’t help but laugh.