When August Ends
I finally seemed to be getting through to her a little. Her eyes softened.
“I understand what you’re saying. I just don’t know what it means for us. Are you telling me to forget about you and date other people when I go away to school?”
That made my stomach turn. “Honestly? I have to think about what it means. We took things to a different level last night, one I wasn’t mentally ready for and one we can’t easily come back from, either. You asked me to open up. That’s what I’m doing. I just don’t have all of the answers yet. Right now, these feelings are very raw. I’m still so fucking high off of you I can’t think straight.”
She just kept blinking and nodding. She didn’t know what to make of this conversation any more than I did.
Suddenly, she got out of bed. “I think I should go back to the house for a bit.”
“Don’t leave yet. Let’s keep talking.”
Heather started putting her clothes back on. “I can’t think straight around you, either. Plus, my mother is probably wondering where I am. She knows I’ve fallen asleep here before. But I’m pretty sure she’ll take one look at my face and figure out what happened this time. I’m not a very good liar.”
The thought of Alice finding out about this made me panic a little. “Are you gonna tell her the truth if she calls you on it?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Well, if you don’t plan to, you’d better cover your neck. I left marks all over you.”
The thought of that made me want to fuck her again. What was wrong with me? Even after all of the concerns I’d just shared, I wanted nothing more than to carry her back to bed, bury my head between her legs, and make her scream again. Forget about everything else.
“Let me get you something to put on.” I threw on my pants and zipped them up.
Opening the suitcase I’d packed, I took out a turtleneck, cable knit sweater. Don’t ask me why I’d brought that with me in the middle of summer, but I was thankful I had.
She pulled it over her head. “Thanks.”
Practically swimming in my sweater, Heather lingered at the door.
I cupped her face. “Last night was incredible. I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying until you tell me it’s okay to leave or until I’m kicked out of here by the new owner…or by you. And I’m here all day when you’re ready to talk more.”
“Okay.” She leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on my lips.
I watched her walk back to her house. Well, Noah, you’ve finally done it. You’ve gone and fucked things up real good.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
* * *
HEATHER
She knows.
My mother isn’t stupid. She’d seen me leave with that pie last night and knew where I was going. So it didn’t take a genius to figure out why I hadn’t come home until now.
She was sitting in the dimly lit kitchen waiting for me when I arrived. The fact that she’d come out of her room to sit there and wait meant she was definitely looking for a confrontation.
She crossed her arms. “Where have you been?”
“You know the answer to that.”
Tilting her head, she said, “I assume that’s his sweater…”
“I fell asleep there. He let me borrow it. It’s a little chilly this morning.”
“Right.”
I tried my best not to look at her as I fumbled in search of a K-cup to make some coffee.
“I understand, you know,” she said.
I froze.
I turned around to face her and was now one-hundred percent sure she knew I’d fucked Noah.
As much as I didn’t want to admit what had happened last night, a part of me needed my mother right now. I needed to talk to someone I trusted. I was used to being the one looking after her, but sometimes a girl needs to be taken care of by her parent. And it was really rare to have her attention like this.
I resumed making the coffee and finally coughed out the words. “I only went over to give him that pie. Things just…it was a mistake.”
“There are no mistakes in life. Everything you do is a choice. Some of them are good, and others contribute to our personal growth, teach us lessons. Choices lead us to things we were meant to experience. I may be depressed, but I’m still your mother, and I’ve still garnered some wisdom over the years.”
“You’re not disappointed in me, then?”
“Why would I be? Noah is a great man. My trepidation about him early on had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I was afraid to lose you. I’ve since come to terms with the fact that you’re leaving, so my feelings toward Noah have evolved, too. I’ve always sensed the attraction between the two of you. You know that. So, no, this isn’t a surprise, and I’m not disappointed. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Wow.” I took a sip of my coffee and sighed. “I was expecting you to give me hell.”
“Do I think he’s too old for you? Yes. But the fact is, you’re an adult. I’ve tried hard over the past couple of months to learn how to let you go. That means not questioning your decisions anymore. It hasn’t been easy.”
“I’m pretty sure I might be in love with him, but I would never tell him that. That would freak him out.”
My mother didn’t seem all that surprised to hear me say that either. “I know he cares about you, too.”
“He cares about me, yes, and because of that, he didn’t want to cross the line. But I’ve made it very difficult for him to resist me. I’ve practically thrown myself at him all summer. So, eventually he gave in. But…now I sort of regret my actions. I was careless, thinking I could handle anything. Maybe I can’t.”
“What is he telling you?”
“He doesn’t want to tie me down right now. He’s afraid I’ll regret it. Which means I’m pretty sure his plan is to go back to Pennsylvania and go on with his life without me.”
My mother looked pensive as she stared out the window toward the boathouse. “I do believe he has your best interests at heart. And I do believe he’s right in some ways. But I also believe that if two people are truly meant to be together, they’ll find a way to make it work. Sometimes you have to be apart first to figure that out.”
***
Throughout the afternoon, I could still feel Noah between my legs. The harsh reality of our last conversation, though, clashed with the post-coital haze. As confused as I was, my body craved him.
I thought a lot about what my mother had said, about people sometimes needing to be apart to figure things out. There was a reason for that old saying about setting someone free if you love them. If they don’t come back, they never belonged to you in the first place.
In my heart, I knew Noah wasn’t going to let me cancel my plans to go to Vermont. It was important to him that I experience living independently. So I had to figure out how I was going to handle these remaining days with him, considering that moving ahead with my plans was inevitable.
He’d texted a few times to check on me. I’d avoided going over there long enough.
I forced myself to shower and get dressed.
The weather was overcast and drizzly as I made my way back to the boathouse.
Noah opened the door right away, looking concerned, like he was already anticipating that my mood would be off.
“Hey,” he said, his tone sullen.
“Hey.”
There was an awkwardness in the air, like we didn’t know whether to argue, kiss each other, start fucking again, or what.
The smell of something cooking invaded my senses as I entered.
Walking over to the stove, I asked, “What are you making?”
“It’s cooler out today. I made this stew. Will you have some with me?”
“Yeah. That sounds great.” I peeked into the pot. “What’s in it?” The steam hit my face.
“Carrots, beef, onions, spices…a lot of things. A mish-mash, kind of like my brain today.”
“I can relate.”
Our eyes locked. His stare fell to my lips. He looked like he wanted to kiss me. I wanted him to, but at the same time, I prayed he didn’t.
He stirred the pot. “My dad used to make this stew, actually. It’s one of the only things he knows how to cook. One day I asked him to teach me how to make it. We call it man stew.”
“That’s funny.” I chuckled. “Well, I’d love to try some of your man stew.”
That most certainly sounded sexual.
Noah set two bowls out and poured some of the concoction into each. He carried them over to where I was sitting at the table.
I blew on it and took a bite. “Mmm…it’s good. Hits the spot.”
Jesus. Everything that came out of my mouth reminded me of sex.
He licked some of the stew off his lips. “Tell me what happened when you got back to the house.”
I paused and put my spoon down. “My mother knows. She knew right away. I didn’t even have to spell it out.”
He froze for a moment. “Great. Okay. Thanks for the heads up.” Expelling a long breath, he said, “I need to stay far away from the house.”
“No. She’s okay. We talked a lot. I don’t want to get into all of what was said, but the bottom line is she accepts whatever decisions I make and doesn’t blame you for anything. She won’t treat you any differently.”