White Space (Page 107)

The words seemed to detonate in his brain. He could feel himself beginning to tremble all over from the blasts, the shock. No, no, no, that can’t be. It’s lying. But what if, what if? His fists bunched. So the hell what? I don’t care. I have a life. I feel things. He was real; he was alive. He had Casey to fight for, and now there was the promise of Emma to care about. Nothing could take any of that away, least of all this thing.

“I’m nobody’s creation.” He squared off, pulled himself that much straighter. “I’m my own person. I don’t care if I don’t remember everything. For all we know, that’s your doing. But I make choices in a world you know nothing about. You may control this space, but you have no say over me or my life, so fuck you very much.”

“BRAVE WORDS, BUT I’D EXPECT NOTHING LESS. BELIEVE WHATEVER YOU WANT, BOY—BUT I’D TAKE A VERY GOOD LOOK AT EMMA IF I WERE YOU. THAT FACE SPEAKS VOLUMES, DOESN’T IT? YOU’RE HER CREATION, ERIC, THE BOY OF HER DREAMS. THAT’S WHY YOU TWO GET ALONG SO WELL. WHY YOU’RE SO DRAWN TO HER. SHE WROTE YOU. MADE YOU JUMP RIGHT OFF THAT PAGE, TOO—AND THAT WAS WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR.”

The whisper-man was wrong; it was a liar and a cheat. Except … one look at Emma’s pale, stricken face and he knew that the whisper-man was telling at least a version of the truth.

Emma wrote me into being? The same way Lizzie used symbols and McDermott churned out novels? No, no. Despite his resolve, he was getting cold, so cold. Come on, get a hold of yourself. Think this through.

Emma could have written about a boy like him. That could be it, right? Sure, this was a place where the energy of thoughts conjured new realities.

But I am alive outside this place. I was on a snowmobile. We nearly crashed.

But what if this thing was telling the truth? Did that matter? What if things had happened the way the whisper-man said?

That can’t be right. I hope; I think about the future. When I dream of the girl I want, I see Emma. Yes, but was that because Emma made him think this way? No, that couldn’t be, because that would mean Emma had written him into a nightmare of abuse and Big Earl and murder.

No, no, that was an accident. The gun just went off. What was he thinking? Emma would never—

“But I didn’t write you!” Emma screamed at the whisper-man. “I never wrote a father … a monster like you!”

Oh God. As strong as he knew he could be, Eric felt something deep in the center of his being waver. She just admitted it. She wrote me. He felt Casey’s hand on his shoulder, but the touch was distant, nothing more than a suggestion. She wrote us. Everything I think I know, all that I am … is because of her?

“YOU WROTE HIM A FATHER WHO GOT WHAT HE DESERVED. BUT DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF, EMMA; YOU COULDN’T HELP IT. REMEMBER YOUR DEAR POPS AND HIS SET POINTS? MOMMIE DEAREST MAKING LIKE A TREE AND LEAVING HER LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY IN A MILLION PIECES? A TRAUMATIZED, UGLY LITTLE GIRL WITH NO HOPE, NO FRIENDS? YOU CARRY THE PAST, EMMA, AND IT COLORS EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH, ANYTHING YOU DO,” the whisper-man said. “MCDERMOTT KNEW: THE MONSTERS OF THE PAST ARE BLOODSTAINS THAT ONLY FADE BUT NEVER DISAPPEAR. HE INFECTED YOU. YOU COULDN’T HELP BUT INFECT ERIC, TOO. WHY ELSE GIVE HIM AN ABUSIVE ASSHOLE OF A DAD?”

What? Through the sudden muddle in his mind, he felt the words prick like pins. What does he mean, infect?

“But I never imagined you. I never gave you a name,” she said, fiercely. “And I know that I never even thought of, much less wrote, a bro—” Her mouth clamped shut.

“WHAT WAS THAT?” The whisper-man cupped a hand to Rima’s ear, which tore, releasing a gush of fresh blood to dribble along the girl’s chin. “SAY WHAT, EMMA, DEAR?”

“Damn it, leave her alone!” Eric’s rage finally boiled over. “Just shut the fuck up! I don’t care, I don’t care! What does this have to do with her or me or Casey? Huh? If you’ve got something else to say, say it!”

“OH, ALL RIGHT. HERE’S WHERE THE OTHER SHOE DROPS.” The whisper-man paused. “OUR LITTLE EMMA DIDN’T WRITE CASEY, ERIC.”

Casey’s hand was still around his arm, and now Eric felt his brother go rigid. “What do you mean?” Casey said. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t let it get to you,” Eric said. The icy dread in his stomach seemed to suddenly thaw. He should’ve known it was lying. Of course, Emma didn’t write Casey: because she’d never written him. Daydreaming wasn’t the same as creating, and what he felt for Casey was real and so intense he could hold it in his hand. Casey was his brother. That was a given. Nothing could undo that. “It’s just playing games, Case. This is all an illusion; it’s a lie. I’m alive. I’m real, and you’re my brother; you’ve always been my brother.”

“DID I SAY HE WASN’T? I ONLY SUGGESTED THAT YOU BOYS DON’T SHARE … WELL, THE SAME MOTHER, SO TO SPEAK,” the whisper-man said.

“Shut up,” Emma said to it. Tears streamed over her cheeks. “Just shut up, shut up!”

The whisper-man ignored her. “I SAID YOU ALL HAVE GIFTS, ERIC. NOW LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT YOURS. YOU WANTED SOMEONE TO PROTECT AND LOVE, CARE FOR, FIGHT FOR. EMMA MADE YOU THAT WAY. SHE SET YOU IN MOTION, BUT COULD NEVER BRING HERSELF TO FINISH YOUR STORY, JUST AS FRANK NEVER PENNED HER END. SO YOU’VE GOTTEN LOOSE. YOU ARE SO VERY MUCH LIKE HER IN THAT WAY, TOO: A FREE AGENT WITH FREE WILL … WELL, WITHIN LIMITS, BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, SHE’S HERE, AND SO ARE YOU. YOU ARE ALL BOUND TO MCDERMOTT AND HIS STORIES, TO LIZZIE, TO THIS PLACE, AND TO ONE ANOTHER, THROUGH THE NOWS AND ALL TIMES. THE POINT, ERIC, IS YOU CREATED THE PERFECT VESSEL FOR ME: A YOUNG MIND, A CLEAN SLATE OF A PERSONALITY WITH ONLY ENOUGH HISTORY TO ROUND YOU OUT, MAKE YOU WHOLE. YOU BROUGHT CASEY TO LIFE, ERIC … ALL BY YOURSELF.”

Eric felt his knees go watery. There was nothing inside his chest. He couldn’t speak, or move. His brain hung in an airless space, a kind of between, like the vacuum between stars.

“CHARACTERS WRITING CHARACTERS THAT BRING OTHER CHARACTERS TO LIFE…” What was left of Rima’s mouth skinned a grin that was all tattered flesh, smeary orange teeth, and purple clot. “KIND OF MAKES YOUR HEAD SPIN, DON’T IT?”

“Fuck you!” Casey screamed. He wrenched free of Eric’s slack grip and sprang for the circle. “Fuck you! I’ll kill you, I’ll fucking kill you!”