Who I Am with You

“Dinner,” he told her, taking her light summer jacket and then leading her to the table.

“Oh, Travis. This is amazing,” she gasped as she looked at the rose lying across her plate.

“You’re amazing, Taylor, and you make me want to do things I’ve never done before,” he told her as he helped her sit down.

“You deserve someone so much better than me, Travis. I can’t even cook,” she said as he lifted the bottle of wine from the bucket it had been chilling in and poured them each a glass.

“I’m with exactly the person I want to be with, Taylor.”

She reached out and took his now free hand. “Thank you.” It was heartfelt and happiness shone in her eyes. They were off to a really good start.

He got their salads and warm bread, and came back to the table, setting her plate down and seating himself.

“Enjoy,” he said as he waited for her to start her meal before he dug in. She did and then moaned with pleasure.

“Really, Travis. You are amazing.”

“I’ve been a bachelor for a lot of years. I either learned how to cook, or I risked food poisoning from some of the less than clean establishments in some of the neighborhoods I lived in while bouncing around with the military.”

“Well, I sure as heck benefited from your culinary talents when we were in that cabin.” She finished her salad and grabbed a piece of bread, added butter, bit in, and moaned again.

Their conversation was light as they finished their meal and poured the last of the wine into their glasses. His heart was still pounding, but the alcohol had taken the edge off his anxiety. They took their wineglasses to the couch and he turned to face her, knowing he had to get out what he needed to say, but trying to remember not to rush it and not to frighten her.

“Did you speak with Martin again today?” he asked, trying to ease into things.

She lowered her head and he felt his first stirrings of unease. If she was afraid to meet his eyes, something was wrong. He decided not to push her; he just waited for her to speak.

“Um, Travis, I don’t know how to say this . . .” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

His gut clenched and the food he’d just eaten threatened to come back up. Nothing showed on the outside, though. He leaned back casually and took another sip of wine—actually, it was a gulp this time.

“You can tell me anything, Taylor.” He was impressed with how controlled his voice managed to sound.

“Well, I got the all clear from Doc today, and, well, yesterday my good friend called and said it wasn’t too late for me to get into the big race being held over in Idaho this weekend. I know it’s really soon, but I know that track, and I figure I can be back here to visit in a week, two at most.” She spoke in a rush as she fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

Travis let the words sink in. She was planning to leave, and she was to do it right away. “When?” This time his voice was a little less controlled, but with his temper beginning to rise, he just didn’t care.

“I leave tomorrow,” she said as she squirmed a little on the couch, a subtle movement, but she was obviously trying to put distance between them.

“Just like that, Taylor? It’s not up for discussion? My opinion doesn’t matter?”

“It’s not like that, Travis. This has nothing to do with you,” she said, her own voice beginning to rise.

“Really, Taylor? After everything we’ve been through, you can honestly sit there and tell me that it’s none of my business that you’re going back to racing? Am I not allowed to tell you what I think about that?”

He rose from the couch and began pacing the room, now refusing to hide his agitation. He’d planned to lay it all out there for her tonight. And what does she do? She just walks in and tells him she’s leaving and he doesn’t get a say.

Pissed off didn’t come close to capturing what he felt.

She also stood, and she snapped at him: “I was going to discuss it with you, but you’re acting like such an ass, I don’t want to now.”

“Maybe I’m being an ass because, as usual, it’s all about Taylor, and to hell with anyone who might actually give a damn about you,” he snapped back.

They glared at each other for several heartbeats before she stormed across the room and grabbed her jacket and purse. He was reaching the peak of his temper as he watched her start to just walk out in the middle of their conversation.

“Where in the hell are you going?” He moved to the door, blocking her quick exit.

“Anywhere but here, Travis. If you think I’m going to stand here while you insult me and try to tell me what to do, just like my family does, then you’ll have to think again. Just because we were shacking up for a month doesn’t mean that you now get to control me.”

“Is that what we’ve been doing, Taylor? Shacking up? Is that all this has meant to you?” His fury was still high, but hurt was overwhelming him as well. He’d thought they’d made progress. Maybe he’d read her feelings all wrong.

Her eyes filled with tears. “Apparently so, Travis. Because if you can’t love me for who and what I am, I don’t want to be with you.”

Her choice of words made him stop. “Do you love me, Taylor?”

She stood frozen before him. Her eyes darted to the door, then back to his face, and finally focused on the floor.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel, Travis. I won’t be controlled,” she finally said after several tense seconds. He moved from the door with his need to pace.