Will Grayson, Will Grayson(60)
Author: John Green

At first I think God is, like, talking to us, but I quickly realize it’s Tiny coming in over the speakers. The second half is beginning.

Tiny sits on the front edge of the stage in the dark, saying, “Love is always a miracle, everywhere, every time. But for us, it’s a little different. I don’t want to say it’s more miraculous,” he says, and people laugh a little. “It is, though.” The lights come up slowly, and only now do I see that behind Tiny is an actual honest-to-God swing set that seems to have been possibly literally dug out of a playground and transported to the stage. “Our miracle is different because people say it’s impossible. As it sayeth in Leviticus, ‘Dude shall not lie with dude.’” He looks down, and then out into the audience, and I can tell he is looking for the other Will and not finding him. He stands up.

“But it doesn’t say that dude shall not fall in love with dude, because that’s just impossible, right? The g*ys are animals, answering their animal desires. It’s impossible for animals to fall in love. And yet—”

Suddenly, Tiny’s knees buckle and he collapses in a heap. I jolt up and start to run onstage to pick him up, but Jane grabs a fistful of my shirt as Tiny raises his head toward the audience and says, “I fall and I fall and I fall and I fall and I fall.”

And at that very moment, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I dig it out of my pocket. The caller ID reads Will Grayson.

Chapter twenty

what’s in front of me is the trippiest thing i’ve ever seen. by far.

I honestly didn’t think gideon and i would make it on time. chicago traffic is unkind to begin with, but in this case it was moving slower than a stoner’s thoughts. gideon and i had to have a swearing contest in order to calm ourselves down.

now that we’ve made it, i’m guessing there’s no way our plan is going to work. it’s both insane and genius, which is what tiny deserves. and it required me to do a lot of things i don’t usually do, including:

• talking to strangers

• asking strangers for favors

• being willing to make a complete fool of myself

• letting someone else (gideon) help me

It also relies on a number of things beyond my control, including:

• the kindness of strangers

• the ability of strangers to be spontaneous

• the ability of strangers to drive quickly

• tiny’s musical lasting more than one act

I’m sure it’s going to be a total disaster. but i guess the point is that i’m going to do it anyway.

I know i’ve cut it real close, because when gideon and i walk into the auditorium, they’re carrying a swing set onto the stage. and not just any swing set. i recognize that swing set. that exact same swing set. and that’s when the trippiness kicks in, big-time.

gideon: holy shit.

at this point, gideon knows everything that went on. not just with me and tiny, but with me and maura, and me and my mom, and basically me and the whole world. and not once has he told me i was stupid, or mean, or awful, or beyond help. in other words, he hasn’t said any of the things i’ve been saying to myself. instead, in the car ride over, he said

gideon: it all makes sense.

me: it does?

gideon: completely. i would’ve done the same things you did.

me: liar.

gideon: no lie.

then, completely out of nowhere, he held out his pinkie.

gideon: pinkie swear, no lie.

and i hooked my pinkie in his. we drove that way for a little bit, with my little finger curled into his little finger.

me: next thing you know, we’ll be blood brothers.

gideon: and we’ll be having sleepovers.

me: in the backyard.

gideon: we won’t invite the girls.

me: what girls?

gideon: the hypothetical girls that we won’t invite.

me: will there be s’mores?

gideon: what do you think?

I knew there would be s’mores.

gideon: you know you’re insane, right?

me: this is news?

gideon: for doing what you’re about to do.

me: it was your idea.

gideon: but you did it, not me. i mean, you’re doing it.

me: we’ll see.

and it was strange, because as we drove on, it wasn’t gideon or tiny i was thinking about, but maura. as i was in that car with gideon, so completely comfortable with myself, i couldn’t help but think that this was what she wanted from me. this is what she always wanted from me. and it was never going to be like this. but i guess for the first time i saw why she would try so hard for it. and why tiny tried so hard for it.

now gideon and i are standing in the back of the theater. i’m looking around to see who else is here, but i can’t really tell in the darkness.

the swing set stays in the back of the stage as a chorus line of boys dressed as boys and girls dressed as boys lines up in front of it. i can tell this is meant to be a parade of tiny’s ex-boyfriends because as they line up, they are singing,

chorus: we are the parade of ex-boyfriends!

I have no doubt the kid at the end is supposed to be me. (he’s dressed all in black and looks really moody.)

they all start singing their breakup lines:

ex-boyfriend 1: you’re too clingy

ex-boyfriend 2: you’re too singy

ex-boyfriend 3: you’re so massive

ex-boyfriend 4: i’m too passive.

ex-boyfriend 5: i’d rather be friends.

ex-boyfriend 6: i don’t date tight ends.

ex-boyfriend 7: i found another guy.

ex-boyfriend 8: i don’t have to tell you why.

ex-boyfriend 9: i don’t feel the spark.

ex-boyfriend 10: it was only a lark.

ex-boyfriend 11: you mean you won’t put out?

ex-boyfriend 12: i can’t conquer my doubt.

ex-boyfriend 13: i have other things to do.

ex-boyfriend 14: i have other guys to screw.

ex-boyfriend 15: our love has all been in your head.

ex-boyfriend 16: i’m worried that you’ll break my bed.

ex-boyfriend 17: i think I’ll just stay home and read.

ex-boyfriend 18: i think you’re in love with my need.

that’s it – hundreds of texts and conversations, thousands upon thousands of words spoken and sent, all boiled down into a single line. is that what relationships become? a reduced version of the hurt, nothing else let in. it was more than that. i know it was more than that.

and maybe tiny knows, too. because all the other boyfriends leave the stage except for boyfriend #1, and i realize that we’re going to go through them all, and maybe each one will have a new lesson for tiny and the audience.