With Every Heartbeat
“Uh...yeah,” I said, watching him situate himself. “I guess there are some lab experiment questions, so it’s this afternoon instead of next hour when I actually have class. I don’t know if the few extra hours to wait are going to give me more time to study or more time to freak out.”
Worry filled his gaze as he paused from getting prepared for class to look at me. “I have a free period at eleven if you need a last-minute cram session.”
Oh, dear God. I didn’t have a class then, either. But even as my brain told me to say I did, my mouth blurted, “I have a free period then too.”
He straightened as if surprised by that, but then he smiled. “Cool. You want to meet up at the library or some place? I could quiz you.”
No. No, I didn’t want to meet at the library, because actually, secretly, I really did want to meet up—anywhere—with him. But I knew I shouldn’t.
My mouth worked faster than my brain, though. “Okay,” I said. “That would be great.”
I have no idea why I asked Zoey to meet me in the library. Alone. I was an idiot, that’s probably why. I was tempted to text Cora and see if she wanted to meet us there too, cut down on the alone-factor, but I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t do that either. Or maybe I did know why.
Cora was not a library type of girl, and if I asked her to join us, and she said no—which she would—then I’d have to explain why I really needed her there, and then she’d know my hormones were unfaithful little turds who’d been responding to another woman aside from her.
I should’ve just not asked Zoey at all, but I had really liked helping her study the other week. It had been easy and relaxing and...I really liked her. It made me wonder if we could be friends after all. I knew a lot of girls who were pretty and I was never worried about my attraction to them. So why had I been so leery about my fascination with her? I could totally do this.
Yeah, I was that sure of myself...until I walked into the library and saw her sitting at a table with an opened textbook in front of her. A wall full of windows was letting the sun in, and the way the light hit her almost made her glow. As if sensing my presence, she looked up, and yeah, I knew exactly why I shouldn’t be her friend.
This was no mere attraction. What I suffered from was total, debilitating awareness. Every freaking inch of me tuned in to her. Her green eyes had my stomach churning. Her smile made my mouth go dry. The way her perfect fingers lifted to push a long piece of hair out of her face had my jeans suddenly tighter.
My step faltered. I shouldn’t do this. I so should not spend any more time with her. But her smile wavered, and I saw the hint of hurt pierce her eyes. No way could I let her down.
I could handle this.
“Hey,” I said, setting my book bag on the table next to hers. “How much time do we have?”
And great, my mind went straight to the gutter with that question. How much time could I strip her bare and thrust into her—
But Zoey didn’t seem affected, thank goodness. She checked her wrist. “Forty minutes.”
I nodded and sat across the table from her, tense but also a little charmed that she actually wore a watch. I don’t think I knew any girl anymore who wore one. My grandmother had always worn a thin silver watch. I still had the sentimental piece of jewelry stored in a little box in my closet.
Zoey pulled some papers from her bag and started explaining what she needed to know. Her test was over cell biology, so I glanced over the study guide she’d scribbled on and started to quietly quiz her about proteins and ribosomes and amino acids. She did great for the most part but a couple acronyms like RNA, RER, and ER tripped her up, so we went over those again.
Half an hour later, I lowered the study guide and raised my eyebrows. “I think you have this.”
“Really?” A hopeful grin lit up her face. I loved putting it there.
With a nod, I said. “You’ll get an A, no problem.”
“Gosh, I hope so.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before slipping her study sheet into her biology book. “I know how much you like it, but biology is one class I do not want to have to retake.”
I smiled, not offended. As she pulled her bag closer to cram the book inside, I noticed an opened three-ring binder sitting on the table that had been hiding under her biology book. “Oh. Here. Don’t forget this.” I reached out and snagged it for her only to notice her handwriting taking up every line. A couple words caught my attention.