A Rescued Heart(26)
Author: Natalie Replogle

“When we graduated and I couldn’t find a job around here and moved down to Peoria, things were a lot rougher for me than I let on. My walk with God wasn’t where it should have been. None of the friends I made were Christians and the more time I spent going out with them, the further I felt myself drift from the life I had before.”

Some of the puzzle pieces that had never quite fit suddenly began to make sense to Ava. The distance she had noticed in the months leading up to their wedding. Why Tim never introduced her to some of the teachers he had begun to spend time with. Why he had been so reluctant to find a church. His parting words that day in the apartment rang in her ears—You’re a better person than I’ll ever be.

“It got worse and worse to visit you on the weekends—seeing you still doing devotions, serving at church, and growing closer to the Lord, while I knew in my own heart I wasn’t right with Him. But I was too proud to admit it to anyone! I just played the game while I was here, and then lived the way I wanted in Peoria. Going out to the bar in the evening with my co-teachers, pushing away the feelings of hatred for the person I had become,” Tim’s rapid-fire words didn’t hide the emotions.

“Ava, when I broke off our engagement, it was the right thing to do. I knew I was in no spiritual place to lead you as a husband. I was far off track and wasn’t sure I could get myself right again.”

Ava found herself interjecting. “We can never make ourselves right, Tim. That’s why we need Christ.”

Out of the pain that was evident in Tim, Ava heard the hope in his voice when he replied, “I’ve been learning that now. I got pretty low, but the Lord has lifted me out of it.”

Ava nodded. She never would have imagined all this. Though Tim had dealt her quite a blow, she wouldn’t have chosen this for him. She had once loved him with everything she had and despite how things ended she would always care for him. It might be wedged down, way back in the corner of her heart, but she did want the best for him.

“I want to tell you about Cara,” he continued. “It’s no excuse, but she pursued me pretty hard. I’m not sure why—maybe because she grew up in a Christian home and had fallen away too, and somehow it was like we deserved each other.” He paused to suck in a deep breath of air.

“But in the end, we kind of hated each other. I think she finally realized that she couldn’t measure up to you. When I look back, I see that I broke your heart and I used Cara’s. I’m grateful that you have forgiven me, Ava. I don’t know that Cara ever will.”

This was the Tim she had begun dating all those years ago in college. Honest and open. Yet as he talked, her thoughts went to Matt, waiting for her at his apartment. She knew Tim was sincere, and that somehow it helped him for her to know what had happened. But outside of feeling pity for the life he and Cara shared, it didn’t make a difference to Ava to know the truth. She had been over Tim for a long time. Her relationship with Christ, and Matt’s gentle, patient love had healed her wounds of rejection. Words that might have felt satisfying years ago were unnecessary now.

“She may forgive you one day,” she told Tim. “Pray for her. If there is anything I have learned over the last few years, it is prayer can heal any heart.”

Ava made motions to leave, wanting to get back to Matt. She was here to pick up a refill prescription for him while he went to therapy and didn’t want him to have to wait on her for lunch. Tim picked up on her signals.

“You probably need to go, huh?” he said. “I’m sorry I kept you so long. I’m sure anyone who needed Bengay or heating pads decided to go to another store rather than try to bypass us.”

Ava laughed, as Tim looked down sheepishly, rubbing the toe of his shoe against the linoleum.

“Ava, could I call you sometime? Maybe we could talk more—I could hear what’s been going on in your life too.”

The laughter faded from Ava’s voice as she searched her brain for the right response. For an answer that would respect her relationship with Matt while she avoided hurting Tim’s feelings. She could stand here all day singing Matt’s praises, but she didn’t want to throw her happiness back into Tim’s face. It would have felt good two years ago, but today it seemed meaningless.

“I’m with someone now, Tim. I’m sorry, but I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Tim nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s okay. I was hopeful, but guessed that might be the case. He’s got a good thing. Make sure he knows that.”

After Ava said good-bye to Tim and stood in the check-out line, she thought of Matt and his selflessness, patience, and gentleness towards her. It wasn’t Matt who had the good thing, she was sure of that. But they certainly had a good thing together.

“Matt, what do you want on your sandwich?” Ava hollered out to him from his kitchen.

“I’ll take the works,” he called back.

She bit her lower lip, feeling like an idiot. “Um, what does that entail?”

“Oh, I forgot who I was talking to,” his laughter drifted in from the living room. “It means to put all the toppings I have on it.”

We’ll just see who has the final laugh.A sinister plan took shape. She pulled out all the condiments she could find—ketchup, mustard, jelly, ranch dressing, mayo, and barbeque sauce. She tried to keep the giggles to a minimum so he wouldn’t catch on to her mischievous act.

Ava took the hoagie bun and filled it with roast beef and hid all the toppings between the cheese and lettuce. She made herself a normal sandwich, grabbed them each a bottle of water, and headed to the living room for the show.

Matt sat on the couch with his arm in a sling, watching the first football game of the season for the University of Illinois. She had a nudge of guilt pulling a prank on a one-winged man, but he had it coming. He had been cranky for the last few weeks and Ava came to the conclusion that nurses were underpaid.

It had been a month since the shooting and Matt was getting a little stir-crazy. He would be getting his sling off soon, but he still couldn’t return to work for another week. After returning he had another couple weeks of desk duty until the physical therapist gave him a clean bill of health. After that he would be able to perform the department’s mandatory fitness of duty evaluation to prove he could fulfill the duties of his position. He didn’t hide his displeasure over the desk duty and his waiting time for the evaluation.

Ava handed him his sandwich and drink and took her spot next to him on the couch. “How’s the game going?” She didn’t really care, she just needed the distraction.

“Good. Illinois just scored a touchdown to tie up the game.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw him take a bite, chew and stop, staying silent. He finally gulped and said, “Wow.”

She looked over, pleased. “That good, huh? I hoped it would be memorable.” She couldn’t contain it any longer and her cackling exploded.

“Ava, what did you do?” The bewildered expression on his face made her laugh even harder. He opened the sandwich and joined her laughter. She was relieved he found the prank funny.

“You said all the toppings, right?” She gave him her innocent face, but he was no fool.

“I guess I deserved this.” He set the plate down on the coffee table and put his good arm up around her shoulder. “I’ve been a bear lately, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you’re frustrated. How did your therapy go today?”

He had been pushing physical therapy hard the last few weeks and convinced his therapist to come in and work with him on Saturday mornings. She worried about his determination to recuperate faster than humanly possible but kept her comments to herself.

“Good. Don said I’m making more improvements and that the sling can come off during Monday’s appointment. I just have to take it easy so I don’t relapse on the progress we’ve made.” He didn’t sound like it was good news. Taking it easy didn’t exist in Matt’s vocabulary. He always moved forward and having to pull back drove him crazy.

“And that is the opposite of what you want to do.” She sat her plate and drink down next to his, careful not to mix them up and discover the hideous taste that would make her taste buds scream in disgust. She turned to look at him sitting with her legs crossed Indian style.

“Matthew, I know you’re frustrated about being laid up for so long, but you have to take it easy if you want a full recovery.” The speech had become like a broken record. The repetition was getting old for both of them.

“It’s just so hard that I can’t be out there with my team and backing up Derek. Being a cop is in my blood. I feel lost without my job.”

“Hey, you’ll be back in the field before you know it, chasing the bad guys, keeping the streets safe, saving lives … and hopefully you’re done saving mine,” she said, referring to the incident with Ray. She rested her head on the back of the couch. “You’ve actually saved my life twice.”

“Twice?” he asked, bewildered.

“The first was when you chose me to love.”

He took her hand and intertwined their fingers. “I don’t deserve your praise.”

Ava didn’t like it when he spoke poorly of himself. He had been uncharacteristically negative the last month and most of it had been aimed at himself. “You really want to play this game?” She could win hands down with all the reasons she didn’t deserve him. She pumped herself up for the next statement concerning his condition. “I will admit I’ve been feeling a little guilty.”

He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. “Why?”

“Matt, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten shot and you wouldn’t be stuck in this frustrating situation with work.” It took weeks to finally get that statement off her chest. She didn’t want to add to his stress level, but something needed to be said.

“Ava Williams, you know that’s not true.”

“Can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t have done anything different if the person held at gunpoint wasn’t me?” Chills ran along her skin just thinking about the terrifying experience. It had been a month and she still had reoccurring nightmares about that day. Matt hadn’t come out and said it, but she could tell by the dark circles under his eyes that he wasn’t sleeping well either.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I should have known you would blame this on yourself.” He shifted his body to look straight at her, his eyes indefinable.

“Ava, my feelings were different, yes. I have never been so angry and terrified in my entire life. Ray was out of control. None of us knew what he was capable of.”

He put his fingers behind her neck and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. The tips of his fingers had become softer over the last few weeks and his old calluses were virtually nonexistent. “I’ll be haunted for a long time with the image of you at gunpoint, which is also different. But I got shot because a crazy man took a hostage at gunpoint. It would have happened the same way whether you were the hostage or not.”

She fixed her eyes on his for a brief moment, letting his answer settle. “Okay,” she whispered simply.

“Okay? Just okay? I usually have to come up with a few speeches before you believe me.”

“I’m realizing your yes means yes and your no means no.” She smirked proudly. “I must say though, you are incredibly hot when you’re doing your job, Sergeant Thompson.”

She loved flirting with him.

“Oh really?” He leaned in a little further, placing their faces only a few inches away. “I could go put on my uniform if that would spark your fancy.”

“That’s okay. I’ve got a good picture in my head.” She closed the distance between them and kissed him tenderly. She sat back and smiled smugly. “Now, is it just so horrible having some time off? God works in mysterious ways. His plans are not always our own. Maybe He has some things to show you in the next month.”

“You’re right, sorry if I’ve been a grouch lately. I do appreciate your support and encouragement. I couldn’t do this without you. Thank you for putting up with me.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” She grabbed his plate and stood up. “I’m also, and unfortunate for you, here to feed you. Let me go make you another sandwich.”

Ava progressed halfway to the kitchen when she remembered her call from Josh earlier this morning. “Oh, by the way, Josh called and wants to hang out with me tonight. I didn’t think we had any prominent plans, so I said yes. Is that okay?” She enjoyed her Saturday nights with Matt, but she couldn’t pass up spending some time with her brother.

“Actually, that works out great. I thought about going out with some friends tonight.” He smiled casually. “What does Josh want to do?”

“He said something about taking me out for dinner.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess he just wants some quality time with his favorite sister.” She put her finger up to her lips. “Shhh, don’t tell Lucy.”

Ava brought him out a new sandwich and grudgingly returned to the kitchen to clean up and wash the dishes. It looked as if he hadn’t touched anything since she was here last. The afternoon sleepiness started to rear its pesky head. If she wanted to fit in a nap before tonight, she needed to work quickly.

School had been back in full swing for the past two weeks and she held the exhaustion again of being around kids all day. It was good to be back and Ava enjoyed her new class, but the last month had been overwhelmingly hectic.

The first week after the confrontation with Ray had been stressful between getting her class ready for the open house, the start of school, and Matt recovering. He had spiked a high fever and the doctors wanted to keep him in the hospital a couple extra days to monitor him.