After the Ex Games (The Ex Games #4)(22)
Author: J.S. Cooper

“I don’t understand.” I looked into his eyes then. “I don’t understand why you gave me up.”

“It’s not something I’m proud of,” he said slowly, and his eyes looked pained.

“Why didn’t you come for me when she died?”

“Your mother thought it would be better if her parents raised you as theirs. She was pretty young when she had you. We thought it would be the best idea. I wasn’t ready to be a father. She wasn’t ready to be a mother.”

“So she just decided to pretend.” My heart broke, not understanding how she could have done that to me.

“It was my idea,” Greyson said, and I looked over at him. “I was the one who told them it would be better if you were adopted or given to your grandparents to raise.”

“Oh.” I looked away from him, trying to ignore the anger I felt in my stomach towards him.

“I was selfish.” He shrugged. “I thought I was doing it to protect Brandon. I don’t know now. Maybe I was a bad influence. But I thought it was for the best. They were both young. They weren’t in love. They were on and off for years. It was just about the sex. I didn’t think they would make the best parents.”

“I agreed with him,” Brandon admitted and sighed. “I thought it was a perfect idea at the time.”

“What I don’t get…” Katie started. “What I don’t get is how this is all possible? I thought Maria was eighteen ten years ago? How could she be Nancy’s mom?”

“She wasn’t eighteen,” I answered. “That’s what she told us to tell anyone who asked. She had an issue with growing old.” I shrugged. “When I was eight, she came home with Brandon and she told us that if anyone asked, we were to say she’d gone to college but ended up working at a cool club instead. We were to tell anyone who asked that she was only eighteen. I didn’t understand at the time, but now I do.” I looked at Brandon, my father, and he nodded.

“It was my idea.” He sighed. “If she said she was eighteen, then there was no way she could be Nancy’s mother. No one would ever suspect. It was a lie that we all agreed upon.”

“So she lied about her age, you all lied about her age, so no one could ever add up the dots?” Meg looked shocked and saddened.

“Yes.” He nodded. “It was a horrible thing to do.”

“You lied about so much to me.” Katie’s voice was sad. “When I first met you, you said she was your college girlfriend.”

“I know,” he sighed.

“But she wasn’t in college and she wasn’t even young.”

“She was young when they first started dating,” I said, feeling bad for him. “They were on and off for years.”

“Yeah.” Brandon sighed and closed his eyes. “It just all feels like a different world.”

“Are you mad at me?” I whispered and looked down at my feet. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Brandon put his arm around me. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“I remember that weekend,” I mumbled. “I remember the weekend you came home with Maria. She was so happy, but then she started crying. She was crying so much.”

“She wanted us to get married.” His eyes looked sad. “She thought we were going to be one big happy family. I told her I didn’t love her and that I wasn’t interested in marrying her.”

“I see.” I bit my lip to stop my tears.

“I only went home with her that weekend to see you, Nancy.” His voice caught. “I’d thought about you all those years and I wanted to see you. That’s the only reason I went home with her. That’s the only reason I stayed close with her all those years. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I needed to see you. You were my daughter.” His voice cracked, and the room was silent again as we all just sat there.

“I still am,” I said softly and stood up. “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused, but you broke my mother. Do you know how weird it feels to say that? She was my sister, but she’s really my mother. And my father was my grandfather and you’re my dad. Do you know how f**ked up I feel right now?”

“I don’t know what to say.” Brandon made a face. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you get it? Sorry isn’t good enough.” I started crying then—big, hard, ugly tears. “How could you give me away? How could you not love me?”

“I don’t—” He started talking, but I continued on.

“When she died, you could have come and gotten me. I was your daughter. You should have come for me. You didn’t even think about me. I’m nothing to you. I don’t understand why you never loved me.” I fell to the ground and sobbed, unable to keep it all in any longer. “Why didn’t you love me?” I felt arms on my back then and looked into Meg’s concerned eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” I whispered to her. “I just wanted to understand.”

“It’s okay.” She rubbed my back and pulled me into her arms. “It’s okay, Nancy.”

“Why didn’t he love me?” I cried out again, and I watched as Brandon stood up and left the room.

I felt my heart breaking then. He was walking out on me again. I didn’t understand how a father couldn’t love his child. I was a part of him. I couldn’t comprehend why or how he could have done this to me.

“I always knew something was off in my family,” I whispered to Meg. “I always just assumed it was because Maria had killed herself. I thought my parents were just in shock over that, but I could see it in their eyes. There was always something that seemed off. I always felt like they wanted to tell me something, but they didn’t know how.”

“He loves you, Nancy.” Katie walked towards me then with a small smile. She sat down on the ground with Meg and me, and she looked into my eyes. “He loves you more than you know. I’m sure of that.”

“You knew about me?” I frowned

“He told me last night.” She nodded. “He said he couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. He was sorry for having lied about it. He didn’t know how to come clean. I think he didn’t want to believe he’d been that person.”

“He did that for you, not me.” My heart ached. “I know he loves you. You’re the one. That’s what Patsy told me. She said she never believed it would happen. She thought you were a fool. She knew all about your relationship with him. She said that you had a child with him. That I had a brother. That he had raised my brother because he loved you and wanted a part of you in his life. He didn’t love Maria and he didn’t love me and that’s why he never came for me.” I felt wooden as I spoke and the words came out. “He loves you and that’s why he told you.”