All of You(20)
Author: Christina Lee

“Like what?” I was so ready to be done with this conversation.

“Interested in a guy,” he said, his voice soft and timid, like he thought I’d rip him a new one any moment now. “I was actually starting to worry that you—”

“That I what?” I saw how Andrea gripped his hand now.

“That you . . .” His jaw ticked, and Andrea shook her head. “That you had more in common with Mom than you’d ever admit.”

His words were like a slap in the face, and I immediately sprang up. “Screw you, Adam.”

“No, sis, please listen to me,” Adam pleaded. Andrea put her face in her hands.

“Sit your crazy ass down before you make a scene,” Ella hissed. “Let your brother explain himself.”

I sat down reluctantly, despite wanting to bolt right out the door. My heart was slamming against my chest. “Damn you, Adam. Mom and I are nothing alike.”

“Okay, sis.” Adam sighed. “All I meant was . . . you used to be different. Not so cynical. When you were with Gavin, you were happy, at least most of the time. I just . . . liked seeing you like that.”

“I know, Adam. But lots of things changed after that. I’d seen too much. And I made the conscious decision to be alone. To take care of myself,” I said, reaching for his hand across the table. “I haven’t been with anyone because I chose not to be. And Mom isn’t with anyone because she chooses f**ked-up men.”

“She’s right,” Andrea said, to my surprise. His girlfriend was coming to my defense. “Adam, your sister is fiercely independent, and I admire that about her.”

“Me, too,” he said. “I just want her to be happy. Like we are.”

“She will be,” Andrea said. “When she’s ready.”

I was speechless. My brother and his girlfriend were having a conversation about me as if I weren’t even there. I let out an exasperated breath. I knew my brother wasn’t trying to be cruel. He was just worried about me. Like I was worried about him.

Ella winked. “Told you I liked that girl.” Then she stood up and motioned to Andrea. “Let’s go back up and get some desserts. Their cheesecake is killer here.”

I knew she was just giving Adam and me privacy. But right now I was ready to throttle him. “I’m sorry, sis,” Adam said, his shoulders slumping forward.

“I know you are. Just forget about it,” I said, sipping my iced tea.

Suddenly everything about how I’d chosen to spend the last few years of my life came into clear focus. Bennett told me I’d given away pieces of myself. And now Adam had accused me of being like Mom and all of her men.

And it all came crashing down on me. I wasn’t giving pieces away. I was keeping them hidden. I’d only given my family and friends a small portion of myself, because I wasn’t ready to give all of me.

Not yet.

I should have let Adam in, told him exactly what happened with Tim. He was the one person in my life I protected the most. But he didn’t know the real me. The me that was trying to become an improved version of Mom. The kind of person Grandma would have wanted her to be.

And all these years I kept telling myself I was better than Mom. And in many ways, I was. In huge and important ways. But not in all the ways that counted. Because I wasn’t letting the person I loved most inside my world. Inside my heart. And I needed to change that. Right now.

“I’ve always had a different relationship with Mom than you did,” Adam said all at once. “Mom acted like she was competing with you. Like you were more of a friend than a daughter.”

I’d felt that from my mother, too. Like she was afraid I’d steal all her boyfriends or something. I just hadn’t known that Adam had observed it as well.

I winced. “You noticed that, too, huh?”

“Yeah,” he said. “She’s not a great role model, Avery, but she’s all we’ve got. And I get why you moved. Why you wanted to get far away from her.”

“Maybe you don’t know the whole story, Adam,” I said, looking into his piercing eyes. Admiring how he’d turned into this handsome, smart, and strong young man.

“I think I have a good idea, sis,” he mumbled, and then looked down, like he was afraid to meet my eyes. I didn’t want him to feel ashamed or scared to talk to me. I didn’t want Tim to do that to us. Take that from us. I wanted us to hold our heads high. Be proud of the people we’d become.

I nudged his chin and forced him to look at me. “You do?” My heart crashed against my rib cage.

“I know it had to do with Tim,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I know that after he left, not only was Mom a mess, but so were you.”

So he had put two and two together.

“He did something to you, didn’t he?” he asked, his eyes bulging with anger. “He hurt you.”

“Yeah, he did,” I said. “He stole something from me. My innocence. But not all of it. I was able to fight him off for good.”

He looked at me in awe, his bottom lip hanging open.

Then he squeezed his eyes shut. Against the truth. And how harsh it probably seemed.

“Fuck,” he said. “Mom didn’t believe you, did she?”

“No, she didn’t,” I whispered.

“Does she now?” His mouth had curled into a grimace. “After he beat the shit out of her?”

“Yeah, she does. Guess it took her a while, huh?” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I was tired of feeling resentment. Betrayal. Anger.

“Hey, listen, little bro,” I said, having the urge to cradle him in my arms, like I’d done so many times before, whenever he woke from a nightmare, or fell down on the playground. “I’m a stronger person now. He didn’t break me.”

Adam grabbed my hand suddenly. “Sis, you are the bravest person I’ve even known. You’ve always been there for me. You practically raised me, taught me how to be a decent person.”

My eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t speak. Emotions were overflowing and spilling over the sides.

Love. Gratitude. Pride.

“You showed me how to be smart, survive, take care of myself,” he said. “And I don’t want you to worry about me anymore.” I shook my head. “I won’t ever stop worrying.”

He was my family. My heart. My home.

“I know I can always count on you. I do,” he said. “But, sis, it’s time.”

“Time.” I repeated the word. Felt it roll off my lips. “For what?”

“To live your life. Find your own happiness.”

“I am doing that, Adam,” I said, glancing around the café, the scenery coming back into focus for me. I looked everywhere but at Bennett’s table. Even though that happiness Adam was speaking of just might involve him.

He gave me a skeptical look. “Then prove it to me.”

“How?”

“Introduce me to you new boyfriend,” he said, a flicker of challenge in his eyes. “Right now. In public. Stop being a chickenshit.”

Right then Ella and Andrea came back with two plates of brownies, cookies, and cheesecake, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was definitely a chickenshit, and now Adam was smirking at me.

I stuck out my tongue at him right before I took a bite of a brownie.

“Really, sis, you want to mess with me right now?” His lunged forward and slung his arm around my neck before I could back away.

He placed my head in a choke hold. The same move he’d used on me when we’d wrestle as kids, fighting over a television show or just messing around.

“I’ll kill you,” I sputtered while my fingers tried reaching under his arms to find his most ticklish spot. It had always worked when we were younger, with him dissolving into laughter.

But now he was too strong. Too grown-up. Too mature for his own good.

“Whoa! If I tried that on Avery, she’d seriously kick my ass.”

I froze as the sound of Bennett’s voice washed over me and swept down my back in waves. Adam released me, but not before messing my hair with his knuckles. I gave him a good punch in the arm. “Guess brothers earn that right, though,” Bennett said, and Adam looked up at him. I was too busy trying to straighten my hair. Little shit. “You must be Adam.”

“Yeah.” Adam reached out his hand to shake Bennett’s.

“I’m Avery’s friend Bennett. I’ve heard lots about you.”

“Awesome meeting you,” Adam said. “And this is my girlfriend, Andrea.”

Andrea waved, and Bennett nodded in her direction.

Bennett looked down at me, and his whole face lit up when our eyes met.

Hands squeezing my shoulders, he said, “Hi.”

I grinned. “Hi, yourself.”

“I was just headed back to work with Lila and Jessie,” he said, motioning to where Nate stood with the two girls outside. “Nate said to say hi. I’m pretty sure he’s sweet on Jessie.”

Nate was standing close to Jessie, motioning to something on the sidewalk. Lila was obviously tattoo girl. I couldn’t help checking her out at a closer distance. Big boobs, high cheekbones, and skinny waist.

Bennett leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Need to borrow one of my words again?”

I elbowed him. “Nope. Not this time.” My jealousy from earlier seemed so ridiculous right then.

Bennett probably worked with plenty of pretty girls. But it was me that he wanted.

And damn, I wanted him. I just needed to be brave about it. Like Adam said.

“Good.” He kissed my cheek, and I felt myself blush.

“See you guys for Mexican tonight?” Bennett asked, backing away from our table to head out the door. “Cool,” Adam said. “Catch you later, man.”

Chapter Twenty

Bennett arrived around seven and we headed out to the Mexican restaurant. He still wore his work attire—dark-wash jeans and black fitted shirt, along with his motorcycle boots. His hair was unruly, just the way I liked it, and when I first laid eyes on him, I stifled a sigh.

We made our way down First Street, Bennett talking about the tattoo parlor and his art, Adam discussing the upcoming basketball season. I felt light, happy, and proud to have my two favorite boys spending the evening together, getting to know each other. I hoped they could each see what I admired in the other. Bennett reached for my hand.

“Can I tag along to one of your brother’s games this season?” He ran his thumb along the inside of my palm, leaving me momentarily breathless.

“That would be really cool,” Adam said.

I could tell Adam liked Bennett. Admired him, even. He seemed to be asking nonstop questions, and looking for college advice, too. And I guess it made sense, since Adam had never really had a positive male presence in his life. Maybe he and Bennett could become friends.

Unless Bennett and I didn’t work out. Which was likely, given my f**ked-up history. But I had a feeling Bennett would remain friends with him regardless.

The thought of not having Bennett in my life filled me with such melancholy that I inhaled sharply through my nose.

I needed to start being honest with myself, because it was undeniable. I was falling for Bennett Reynolds. Fuck me.

At the restaurant we overindulged on chips and salsa, and Bennett and I drank a whole pitcher of margaritas by ourselves. Adam asked if he could have a taste of one and I gave him a stern look.

Bennett shook his head and laughed. “You realize, Avery, that Adam has probably been around beer and weed? I mean, what were you doing senior year?”

“Yeah, sis.” Adam smirked. “Don’t worry; you know I’m responsible. But every now and again . . .”

I covered my ears with both of my hands. “Don’t want to hear about it.”

Bennett’s mouth dropped open and he nudged my knee under the table. “I’ve never seen this side of you.”

I made a face at him. “What side?”

“The protective, motherly side,” he said. “I kind of like it.”

“She can be a bigger pain in the ass than our own mother,” Adam said.

I pointed an accusing finger at him. “Hey, somebody’s got to be.”

Adam and Andrea laughed and then started talking about a huge homework assignment due Monday in one of their shared classes at school.

I felt Bennett staring at me, a lopsided grin plastered on his lips. “What?”

“Nothing.”

He kissed my hair and then brought his mouth to my ear. “Does this mean there’s a possibility you’d take care of me someday, too? Protect my heart just as fiercely?”

His words stole my breath away.

I swallowed roughly. I wanted to admit that, yes, I was beginning to feel that way about him. I didn’t want to hurt him or see him harmed by anyone else, either.

“There’s always a possibility.” I found I couldn’t meet his eyes.

He lifted my chin with his thumb. I saw my longing reflected in his gaze.

I was overwhelmed by the immediate closeness of him, and the feeling was staggering. His knee brushing mine, his breath against my hair. And in that moment I realized I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world except next to him.

My hand slid to his thigh, and he hissed through his teeth.

“What are you thinking right now, five words or less?” Bennett murmured.

My lips immediately sought out his ear. I couldn’t tell him how I was losing my mind over him.

Losing my f**king brain over my feelings for him. Not yet. So instead, I told him how damn much I wanted him. “I’m . . . wondering . . . how . . . you . . . taste.”

“Jesus, Avery.” His fingers grasped the back of my neck as his forehead angled toward mine. “Now I’m hard as a rock.”

I was so turned on I gripped the armrest to get ahold of myself.

Bennett shifted away from me and adjusted himself.