Among Monsters (Page 33)

I helped him up the stairs of the back porch and into the living room where he collapsed onto the couch.

I looked at Halle. “I’m going to check the house first. You stay here.”

Checking each room, behind every door and inside every closet, I made certain the house was clear, and the windows were still secure. I couldn’t take care of Dad and worry about what might sneak up on us.

I ran into the bathroom and ran cold water onto a washcloth. I tried not to cry, whispering to myself to be strong. He was going to die, but I could make it easier on everyone if I kept it together. I looked up at the dusty mirror. My hairline was wet with sweat, my face pink from the sun. My clothes were filthy, my eyes sunken and dim.

This was not like the video games. We didn’t get to start over.

I went into the living room. I knelt next to the couch and propped Dad’s head with a pillow. He sucked in air through his teeth, making a hissing noise.

“Everything hurts?” I asked.

“Like the worst flu in the history of ever,” he said with a weak smile.

I wiped his face with the rag and then folded it before gently laying it across his forehead. “This is bad,” I whispered in a brittle small voice. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do. Jenna, listen to me. We’ve planned for this. I had the flu shot. I’m going to go downhill fast.” His stomach and chest heaved once, and then he swallowed.

“Go get a bowl,” I said to Halle.

“But—” she began.

“Now!”

“Jenna,” Dad said, “keep the gun on you until I quit breathing.”

I shook my head. “I don’t wanna do this. Please don’t make me.”

“Don’t wait. Don’t even say good-bye. Have Halle go into the other room, and take care of it.”

I pursed my lips, trying to hold in the sob. My vision blurred with tears. I was going to have to shoot my dad. What kind of world was this? Nothing could have prepared me for that conversation and definitely not for the act itself.

“Daddy…”

He furrowed his brow, and then pulled me against his chest. “I’m sorry you have to do this,” he said, his voice breaking. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” I said through faltering breath. “I love you, too.”

He let me go. “Promise me, you’ll take care of your sister, no matter what.”

“I promise,” I said, wiping his face again.

Halle returned with a large bowl, her cheeks wet and red. When she saw my expression, her lip jutted out and trembled.

He pulled his mouth to the side, regret in his eyes. “Jenna, you’re smart. You’re smarter than me, and it’s going to save you and your sister more than once. Trust your instincts. Use your head, not your heart.” He grabbed the bowl and heaved into it, expelling the contents of his stomach, which wasn’t much. He leaned back against the couch, his face a sallow color. The veins beneath his skin were beginning to darken.

“I don’t want you to die, Daddy,” Halle said, sucking in breaths.

He pulled her in. “It’s going to be okay, Pop Can. You’re going to be okay. You’re so strong. You’re both so strong. I trust your sister to take care of you. You have to trust her, too.”

“Okay,” she said, sniffing and nodding against his chest. He let her go, and she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “I want you to be okay though. Please be okay.”

Dad’s bottom lip pulled up. “I can’t. I wish I could. I’m sorry.” He swallowed and then vomited again.

It was happening fast. I had the strangest sensation come over me. I didn’t want him to leave us, but I was desperate for his suffering to end.

“Don’t get in a hurry to leave,” Dad said. “Don’t make emotional decisions. Think about things first—for several days, if you have to. When you think you have it all figured out, think on it some more. And get a good feel for the neighbor before you talk to him. Take a gun, but don’t let him know you have one. Teach Halle how to protect herself.” He looked up. “I’m forgetting something. I need to tell you everything. I should have taught you how to drive a car, how to—” His stomach lurched, and he groaned as he threw up into the bowl again.

I leaned back and looked up at the ceiling.

“I was so worried about protecting you that I forgot to teach you how to survive without me.”

“You did good, Dad. We’re going to be okay.”

I stood and took the bowl to the toilet. I emptied it and then rinsed it out in the sink before returning quickly to Dad’s side. He was so hot that I could feel the fever radiating off his skin. His eyes were bloodshot, and his veins kept getting darker as the virus took hold of his body.

“You will because you’re tough like your mom. You can do this.”

“Halle,” I said, “get another cold rag for his head.”

She obeyed without question.

After an hour, he seemed to stop fighting, and his body relaxed. He was exhausted. He could barely move. Halle was sitting in the recliner across the room, staring at him. I was trying my best to keep him comfortable—changing out the rags for his head, putting ice on his arm, and giving him water even though it would come right back up.

I wanted to beg him not to do this, not to make me do this, but he had no choice, and neither did I. We both had to be strong for Halle until the end, and I had to be strong after. I tried not to let my mind wander to thoughts of what it would be like to survive alone with my sister. We had to survive his death first.

“Jenna,” he drawled.

A thick mucus had formed in the corners of his mouth. His veins had branched out under his graying skin, dark and frightening—like the monster he would become. I’d seen those things so many times, but none of them looked like someone I knew. None of them looked like anyone I loved.

“Yes, Daddy?”

“I love you. I love Halle. Get ready.”

He sucked in a few more shallow breaths and then paused for a moment. Then, he exhaled it all, never taking in another breath. His head fell to the side, and his eyes stared past me, vacant.

I choked back a cry. “Dad?” I swallowed. “Daddy?”

His words about not waiting repeated in my mind, and I nudged him.

Nothing.

I put my hand over his eyes to close them, and then I stood. “Halle, go into the other room and cover your ears.”

I pulled the thick black strap from my shoulder and held the rifle in both hands, steadying my feet.

“Daddy!” Halle cried, reaching for him.

I stopped her with one hand, holding her away. “Go into the other room, so I can do this before he turns.”

“Jenna, don’t!” she yelled.

“I don’t want to! I have to!” I said, twin waterfalls spilling down my cheeks. I checked the rifle’s chamber and then took off the safety.

Dad’s fingers twitched.

“Jenna, look! He’s still alive!” Halle cried. “Don’t do it!”

His lids opened to reveal two milky eyes, and then he blinked. He looked over at me, and his lips began to form a snarl.

My chest lurched as I held back a sob. “Please look away, Halle.” I raised the rifle, and through the tears streaming from my eyes, I aimed and pulled the trigger.

Chapter Eighteen

HALLE PLAYED WITH A PORCELAIN CAT and a coffee mug in the shape of a chicken next to the kitchen table as I tried to keep busy. We’d eaten the last of the rice for dinner the night before, and Halle had become nearly hysterical at the thought of me leaving her to find food.