Bad Romeo (Starcrossed #1)(77)
Author: Leisa Rayven

“The weird thing is,” Zoe says, as we head into the cafeteria, “he’s probably the only guy I’ve ever dated who gave a shit about me, but I didn’t realize that until he was long gone. Maybe he was one of those rare guys who didn’t want sex without love.”

My stomach squirms.

Is that Holt’s problem? That he doesn’t love me, so he won’t sleep with me? It makes sense. Maybe he has no feelings for me beyond pure animal lust.

The thought slithers through my brain, curling and coiling, making my face hot with embarrassment and anger.

“I’ve given up trying to figure out men,” Zoe says as she surveys the stand of candy bars. “They’re weird.”

Amen, sister.

She picks up three chocolate bars and heads to the cashier. Lucas and Jack both have armfuls of chips and chocolate, and I opt for a soft-serve ice cream to help cool my flushed face.

I head outside and sit at a table with the others, and when Holt sits down, I avoid looking at him. Concentrating on my ice cream, I run my tongue around the edge of the cone, catching the drips before they can run too far. I close my eyes as I swallow, and I can almost see the cold as it slides down my throat as spider-veins of sparkling blue tingle in my stomach and out through my skin.

I feel a light brush against my foot and look up to see Holt staring at me, watching my mouth as I eat. He looks into my eyes, and the glittering blue in my body is immediately replaced by sparking orange heat, smoldering and blazing in all the places I want him to touch me. But as I squirm and become uncomfortably warm, it occurs to me that maybe this is all we have—sexual napalm that has no need for friendship or intimacy.

He brushes my foot again, the toe of his shoe grazing up against my ankle and calf, and it’s ridiculous that I can feel that touch in every cell of my body.

Oh, I’m going to burn all right. He’s going to incinerate me from the inside out.

“I have to go,” I mutter as I stand and throw the rest of my ice cream in the trash. “I’ll see you guys in class.”

“Taylor?”

I sling my bag over my shoulder and don’t look back as I cross the quad to the drama block.

Ten minutes later, when I exit the first floor bathroom, Holt’s there leaning against the wall and frowning.

“Hey.” He looks around before stepping forward and touching my face. “Are you okay? Sometimes if it’s your first time smoking, it can make you want to hurl.”

He looks concerned as he pushes my hair back over my shoulders, but as soon as he hears someone coming down the stairs, he steps back and slumps onto one leg, the perfect image of indifference.

I look at him as he shifts uncomfortably, waiting for the student to pass, and I wonder if I imagined the look of concern. Maybe this whole non-relationship of ours has just been me pushing him into something he really doesn’t want. Or rather, something he wants but not enough.

“Taylor?” He steps forward again. “You didn’t answer me. Are you okay?”

I blink and shake my head. “I’m fine.”

We walk toward the lecture hall where our media class is held. There’s tension between us, but I resist defusing it. I’ve always been that girl—the one who sees things that are wrong and tries to fix them.

I don’t think I can fix this.

“Jack is having some people over for pizza tonight,” Holt says as we climb the stairs. “Want to go?”

So I can pretend all night that you’re just my friend? “No, thanks.”

God forbid you’d ask me out on a real date, to a place where people could see us touching each other.

Holt exhales in frustration and grabs my arm. “Okay, that’s it. You’re being too quiet and way too non-opinionated. What’s up?”

I shrug. “I guess I have nothing to say.”

“That’s impossible.”

“We have class.”

“So, you’re telling me you’re okay?”

“Would it matter if I wasn’t?”

He frowns as we start walking again, and I know I’m being passive-aggressive, but he’s had nearly a month to show me that he wants me in his life as more than just a sexual distraction, yet he’s still as emotionally distant as ever. I’m over it.

As we take our seats, I slump down and close my eyes. There’s a sharp, hollow ache inside of me, and although I haven’t noticed it before, I’m guessing it’s been there for a while. It’s the part of me that wants someone special, someone who’s wants me enough to be brave. Someone who wants to wrap himself around me until it’s no longer obvious where he ends and I begin.

Someone who I thought might be Holt, but now I’m not so sure.

The rest of the lecture passes in a blur, and even though I sense Holt looking at me every now and then, I ignore him.

I don’t know why the realization that I’m no longer content with having only part of him hit me today. Maybe the marijuana helped clear my mind of the lust that has clouded it since I started having feelings for him. He told me this was how it was going to be, and that I’d want more than he was willing to give, but for some reason I stupidly thought I could change him.

Obviously not.

When the lecture finishes, I mutter that I’ll see him tomorrow and head out toward the quad, wanting nothing more than to have a hot bath. The clear weather that we’d had at lunchtime has given way to heavy rain, and I stick to the cover of the buildings for as long as possible before stepping out into the downpour.

“Hey, Taylor, wait up!”

In a few strides, he’s beside me, holding his backpack over his head as the rain gets heavier.

“You don’t want to hang out tonight?”

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t. Is it a crime to want to have some time alone?”

A flicker of hurt crosses his face. “No, not a crime, it’s just that … well, we usually spend time together on Wednesday nights, and judging from the way you were looking at me today, I thought…”

“You thought what?”

“Well, it seemed like you wanted to throw me down and mount my face. I figured you’d probably want to fool around or something.”

That’s the problem, Ethan. You think we’re just fooling around.

“Nope, I’ll pass. Thanks for the offer, though.”

I walk faster as my shoes fill up with water. The unpleasant squelching sensation puts me even more on edge.