Bad Romeo (Starcrossed #1)(78)
Author: Leisa Rayven

He keeps pace with me and slings his backpack over his shoulder, giving up avoiding the storm.

“Cassie, what’s going on? Are you pissed with me about something?”

I exhale in frustration. “No. I’m pissed with myself. Don’t worry about it. Go get out of the rain.”

He grabs my arm and pulls me to face him. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on.”

I don’t want to have this conversation now, and I especially don’t want to be having it in the bitterly cold rain, but he’s not giving me a choice.

“Ethan, I’m just tired of this dance we’re doing. It’s always one step forward, two steps back with us, and even though you told me it would be this way, for some reason, I chose not to believe you. I’m just sick of pushing you to do things you don’t want to do. So … yeah … that’s what’s going on. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I turn and walk away, trying to outrun the rain, which is pointless, and trying to outpace him, which is impossible.

“Wait! Cassie, talk to me.”

He pulls me to face him again, and his hair is plastered to his head as the water drips off his nose.

“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re you, and I’m me, and you were right when you said we shouldn’t start something. We want totally different things, and I guess I’m finally realizing I’m not okay with that.”

“What the hell? Is this because of what Zoe and Jack said?”

I grunt in exasperation and resist the urge to shove him in his clueless chest. “No, this isn’t about Jack or Zoe, or anyone else! It’s about us! It’s about me expecting things from you that I shouldn’t. It’s about me wanting romance, and dates, and intimacy that stems from more than humping and orgasms, and me wanting to tell our friends that the mystery guy I’m seeing who can turn me on with a single look or touch is you. And most of all, it’s about being angry with myself for falling for a man who told me very plainly not to fall for him! That’s what it’s about! And now it’s too late, and I feel like the stupidest person on the planet, because you’re never going to give me what I need, and I should have known better than to expect you to.”

He stares at me for a second, blinking as the water streams over his lashes. “I thought you wanted me to try with us. That’s what I’m doing. What else do you want?”

I swipe the water off my face, hating the feeling of it running down my cheeks. “God, you’re such a clueless idiot sometimes! I want more. Anything. Everything. Something, for God’s sake! That’s what I want from you. Can you give me that?”

He stares at me, the muscles in his jaw working overtime. He doesn’t answer.

“That’s what I figured.”

I try to walk away, but he holds my arm. His face turns as stormy as the sky. “So, what? That’s it then? It’s all or nothing with you? If I don’t hand you my balls in a velvet-lined box we can’t be together? Where the fuck is all of this coming from? I thought you enjoyed our time together. That you were happy with the way things were.”

“Well, I’m not! I hate slinking around like a criminal, acting like what we’re doing is wrong. I’m not ashamed of liking you, Ethan, but it seems like you can’t say the same. The only reason I’ve gone along with keeping us a secret is because I thought you just needed time to realize you wanted more, but it looks like I was wrong. You give me as little of yourself as possible, all the while driving me insane with how much I want you.”

“You think I don’t want you in the same way? Christ, Taylor, are you fucking kidding me with this?”

“I think you want me, but not enough to actually admit it to anyone!”

“Why the fuck does anyone else matter? You know I want you! It’s not like I can actually hide what you do to me.”

“I’m not talking about wanting me sexually, Ethan! I’m talking about you wanting to be with me. I have no idea where I stand with you. I don’t know if you have actual feelings for me, or if I’m just a willing body. Convenient but not necessary.”

“You think you’re convenient?!” He stares at me for long seconds, so angry he can’t form words. “You’re not fucking convenient! Convenient would have been me not meeting a girl who drives me out of my fucking mind! Convenient would be me being able to concentrate on the course it’s taken me three fucking years to get into without being constantly distracted by how much I want you! Whatever you are, Taylor, the one thing you’re definitely not is convenient!”

“Then what am I, huh? You tell me! Just open your damn mouth and say something that makes me understand how you feel! I think I’ve been pretty honest about what I want, but all I get in return is what you don’t want.”

“You want to know what I want?” he says as he throws his bag to the ground. “Fine. I want this.”

He grabs my face and pulls it forward. It takes me by surprise as he wraps his arms around me and kisses me like he’s drowning and I’m oxygen. There’s nothing cautious about this kiss, nothing remotely vague or dishonest. It’s passionate and staggering, and his desperation is blazing hot, making me burn despite the cold and the rain. For long minutes he kisses me so hard that the world tilts on its axis, and when it realigns, everything is back to revolving around him.

He kisses down my neck, his voice rough and intense. “This is what I want, Cassie. I can’t make it any clearer. Don’t even try to deny you don’t want it, too. Why are you so intent on complicating things?”

He kisses me again, and everything becomes a blur of hands, and tongues, and lips. It’s not fair that this is his explanation, because I can’t argue or reason with it. It’s too big to describe and too hard to deny, and although it doesn’t make things right, it makes me want to forget all the things that are wrong.

But that’s what I’ve been doing all this time. Overlooking and compromising. Being blinded by my want and ignoring my need. I can’t continue doing that.

He groans as I pull away, and from the look in his eyes, he knows that what he’s offering isn’t enough.

I step back, and we stare at each other, both of us breathless and drenched.

“I can’t pretend that this is enough for me anymore,” I say quietly. “I’m not fooling anyone. Not you, not our friends, and especially not myself. If and when you’re ready to be real, let me know.”