Beautiful Disaster (Page 75)

But things are also picking up on a personal scale. With the worst hustle of Fashion Week behind her, Alice and I finally get a chance to meet – and reconnect, at least to a certain extent. Things have changed between Alice and me over the last months, and not just the immediate shift after the whole mess. Our friendship hasn’t exactly become strained, but a lot of the ease has disappeared. I’ve known her since Junior High, she has been my confidante through all those years, and I miss her, even when I know I can’t talk about everything with her and part of me feels she should just get over herself.

Alice and I have never had that ability to just let conversations – and lewd jokes – run between us like Bella and Jasper used to, but I’ve never felt like I need to watch what I’m saying around her. Particularly with our plus ones that has been all but impossible over the summer, to no small amount because of my animosity towards Jazz, but now I’m feeling like things are picking up a little when Alice and I are sitting over a latte and espresso at her favorite coffee shop. For the first time in ages I feel like there’s no reservation between us, and I’m surprised how relieved I’m at that. She keeps chatting on about all the cities she has visited over the last weeks, people she has met, and after that I get her up to speed on hospital gossip.

We laugh and joke and there’s not a single awkward moment between us, just as if we have somehow accomplished the feat of setting back the clock to zero between us. No hard feelings, no avoiding of topics, just two old friends enjoying some time together.

I’m insanely relieved and happy, so much so in fact that Bella can’t stop laughing when I tell her. It’s a good-natured and approving laugh, and while I can see that she’s glad Alice and I have finally overcome our problems, I can see from the sad look in her eyes that she’s still fighting with herself about what to do with Jasper.

Then, of course, there is Beth. I’ve avoided her in the week between our scene together and my weekend getaway with Bella, but after that I feel stupid for tip-toeing around her and visit her one afternoon before work.

One thing I’ve always admired about her is that she doesn’t play games, and it only takes us five minutes until I accuse her of acting weirdly at the end of the scene with Bella’s crash, the crash that I feel she partly provoked. At least that’s what her just walking out and not really reacting to what happened feels like to me.

Beth being Beth, she tells me to get my head out of my ass. Her offhand remark about things ‘working out in the end’ pretty much affirms my suspicion that she has expected that things would get too much for Bella on a psychological scale, but I can’t be cross with her – because she’s right.

There’s no need for me to dwell on it. I still tell her that I won’t play with her again if she ever tries to manipulate me like that again, and that gets me a slap on my back instead of a hurt scowl most women would have given me.

Even though I know I don’t have to prove anything to her, her approval still means the world to me. This more than anything else makes me feel like I’m really back in the game, finally myself again.

And hyped like that, it’s no wonder that Bella gets to spend a lot more time on her knees over those weeks than she probably ever dared to expect. Of course we still have non-kinky sex, too, but things keep taking a definite turn towards the less gentle side of things more often than not. And while I’m keeping my promise to make her work for it, she definitely gets off on it –

at least mentally. The physical side, now that’s a different chapter.

True to my promise, I force myself to provide her with something to work for, too, and not just demand her submission in the playroom. The day I send her to Beth’s shop with a veritable shopping list to assemble a small

‘tool kit’ she can carry with her everywhere I don’t think Bella is able to calm down for a single minute. It doesn’t seem to get any better the next day when I call her after her lunch break and order her to grab the small vibrator and bring herself to the brink of orgasm three times in a row without coming in the relative safety of a toilet stalll- and don’t let her come for another four days. Whenever we’re in the same room she seems ready to jump me at any minute, and before long I really enjoy keeping her at that terribly horny yet utterly frustrated stage – and when I finally let her have that climax when we’re in the playroom and I’m f**king her ass while she’s tied up like a neat little package I can tell it all pays off for her, too.

Of course seeing her enjoy herself like that makes me crave to take things a step further – so I do exactly that. Until now all the pushing of her limits that we’ve done has been on a physical basis. Obviously that also entails the accompanying emotional aspects, but now my goal is a different one –

to push her resistance to the point of breaking. I don’t set her up for failure –

yet – but I can clearly see that the strain of not being allowed to orgasm is leaving a heavy toll on her. One she seems very eager to pay, but I’m sure that there are moments every day in which she is cursing me. I can sometimes even see that spark of rebellion in her eyes, but I’m surprised that I don’t mind, no, in fact, I love seeing that stubborn set to her jaw, that challenge in her eyes – right before she drops to her knees and obediently sucks my cock. Before defiance in my subs has been something that has rubbed me the wrong way, but with her it’s different. Every time she swallows her anger and frustration, it’s like a small victory for me – because she chooses to adhere to the rules, keeps submitting to me, and doesn’t wrestle the control back from me that she so willingly hands over.

In the four weeks that pass since our weekend escape from everyday life I feel like the bond between us strengthens immensely. Maybe it’s because nothing else stands between us that has to be dealt with, or maybe it’s the fact that even though we have less time to actually spend together, we’re constantly on each other’s mind. Both of us are pushing into new ground here, experience this together, and I love the added strength, security and confidence that instills in both of us.

It’s a late Wednesday evening when we finally have the chance to spend some time together again, just the two of us with no one demanding our attention or work getting in the way. Outside it has been raining for the better part of the day, and I’m just happy to stay at home. We cook dinner together, no small endeavor as I’m more interesting in snacking on Bella’s neck than cutting vegetables or stirring the sauce, but she eventually still manages to produce a delectable meal. After we enjoy the rich pasta with a glass of red wine we retreat to the couch to watch TV, but I don’t even get to see the news because Bella is very intent on getting her hands into and me out of my clothes at the same time.

She isn’t exactly demanding as she’s busy giving me a blowjob, but I can tell that the frustration is slowly driving her insane when all I do is lightly rub my fingers over her still fabric covered pu**y where she’s crouching next to me on the couch. It has been eleven days since I let her come last, stealing at least twenty orgasms from her in the meantime, and I’m surprised she hasn’t outright demanded to come yet – or succumbed to begging for it. But when I finally come in her mouth, pretending to leave it at just that tonight, and catch her dejected look, I decide that I’ve been teasing her long enough.

Leaning over her I kiss her long and deep while my hand is idly stroking her thigh – probably driving her crazy in itself – I savor the moment, before I let my lips drift to her neck. I can feel her sigh more than hear it before she relaxes into my touch, probably telling herself that she can hold out one more day – before I whisper into her ear.

"Get me the lube and some towels, will you?"